We're given a chance each day to embrace how little we know about the way certain things will turn out. Yes, we can embrace or we can let the mystery drive us crazy! It's funny because when I was a child, I used to read Nancy Drew from cover to cover with lightening speed. I would stay up late with the book and a flashlight under my blanket, creating heightened stakes for the story while I read it voraciously. I fashioned myself a raven-haired, crime stopping investigator, and I loved putting clues together, one my one, until the mystery was solved. Who did it? How? I think I figured things out ahead of Ms. Drew almost every time but maybe the books were designed that way to give sharp readers a sense of satisfaction, I don't know...
The difference with real life is there really is nothing to solve. Yes, the journey and future is full of mystery and clues, but there is not some sort of thing, Lindsay's Life, to figure out. I've tried really hard to steer things in certain directions time and time again. I've sought out career paths and relationships, and I've built up and constructed my identity in such a way that I thought would warrant the kinds of results I want. Yet, it never feels like enough. I mean, I never feel like enough with respect to the kind of control I am seeking that I simply can't have, don't have and won't ever have.
So, I think I'm turning some kind of growth corner. I desire things very deeply and sometimes think I have the best design in mind to achieve my goals. I have a sense of who I am and what makes me tick, the kinds of people, activities and experiences that feed me on physical, emotional, and soulful levels. Yet, I find myself -- and more frequently these days during this fall season of letting go -- shucking a lot of my designs and best laid plans right up to the Universe. I say things like, I think I know what I want and that this might be the best way to get them, but can you please show me the way and what's for my highest good? Things fall into my lap that I never anticipated would bring me joy, growth, peace, and light, and if I was strictly adhering to my plan and only what I think I want, I wouldn't have been open to receive them.
That's very mysterious to me but I'm going to leave my Nancy Drew hat at home and just try and go with the flow.