A note of thanks to the Universe for blessing me with such abundance...
I am grateful that I am in recovery and am able to live free from the obsession with food and eating disordered behaviors which paralyzed and crippled my functioning for years.
I am grateful that I am able to look back on the time that I spent in a sick state with compassion for myself and that I can now empathize with and support others who are seeking to triumph over a similar (or the same) kind of challenge.
I am grateful for my body. It is beautiful, it is healing, it is alive, it is free. I love it and treat it kindly. I enjoy listening to the cues and giving myself what I truly need -- food when I'm hungry, water when I'm thirsty, rest when I'm tired, a shower when I'm not clean, sex when I'm turned on, a hug when I need solace, a sunset for my eyes, music for my ears...
I am grateful for the intenSati/positivity psychology/recovery models I practice which, through their simple principles, help me stay focused on what is good in me and my surroundings. I've learned to stay out of the depression deep end. I've learned that I can heal from raw wounds and through helping others, find purpose perfectly designed for me. I strive to complain less and appreciate more, to whine on fewer occasions and seek the bright side.
I am grateful for my freedom. We live in the greatest country in the world, period.
I am grateful I've stayed employed through these challenging economic times.
I'm grateful for all of my relationships through which I learn who I am, how I wish to be in this world, my strengths, my limits, the desires of my heart, what works and what doesn't. I'm glad I can let go of relationships that don't work and make stronger commitments to those that are most attractive to me this day. I am free to love and then let go, I am free to love without demands and expectations, and I am free to stand for what I need. I've learned I am a beautiful friend and confidante, that I am trusted, that people will share with and trust me with what is precious.
I am grateful that if I don't clean my apartment, it's my business because I live in my own space. I am also grateful when I have the willingness to clean my apartment.
I am grateful for ice skating which I can't wait to do this winter.
I am grateful for my brother who without a doubt is my best friend in the world and one of the funniest human beings on the planet. Stay tuned for our short film! I think we're going to be like the Coen brothers only with one female and a slightly less twisted take on life.
I am grateful for my mom and dad. I am so grateful for my family I can't even begin to write that here so I'm just going to say I LOVE YOU to them.
I am grateful for poetry, novels, films, the theatre, music, dance and all the artists who give their lives to their work and creativity so that we can feel alive, enlightened and a satisfaction of the soul.
I am grateful for Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, which I DVR and then watch every night when I get home. I'm also grateful for Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Julia Louise-Dreyfus, and other hilarious female comedic actresses who crack me up.
I am grateful I've arrived at the conclusion that life is not a popularity contest and the kind of success I seek will not be achieved through people pleasing, but rather through genuine skill, clarity, a heart-centered purpose, knowledge and attraction.
I am so grateful for my apartment which, though it remains almost entirely undecorated, is still beautiful and a very peaceful place to live.
I am grateful for forgiveness. People have forgiven me for transgressions and I've done the same for them. "To err is human. To forgive is divine."
Finally, I am grateful for my continuous and ever-evolving relationship to my two greatest passions which start from the ground up, my feet -- SOCCER and DANCE. From the time I was 5 I was doing both and the kind of appreciation I have can't be expressed here. I was devastated when I broke my ankle and had two surgeries. I tried going back to soccer but I injured it again, so I decided to stop. Yet, I've moved through that pain and though I still feel twinges, it's not debilitating, and I can actually experience the joy of watching others play. The same thing is true with dance but the great news there is I do dance now and although I may never be on toe doing pirouettes on my right ankle (then again, I believe in miracles) I am at least incredible grateful I healed my ankle without surgery to the point I can do a lot of contemporary dance, yoga and intenSati without pain.
I think that's it but I can really go on and on and on. Now, I hope to practice gratitude in action today as a true expression of thanks. I would do this by being pleasant and attentive to myself, my family and friends. I will eat moderately and enjoy treats (pie, one slice, bring it!) and allow myself the chance to relax. I will look all day for ways to help another.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Direction and Action
Quick post to say I'm feeling better and it's incredible to just ride out the feelings and then let go!
A good night's sleep always helps and I got one.
I am open to receiving all the guidance that I need to move in the direction of my dreams! I affirm that I take 3 inspired actions today!
Just one more day til my big screen debut! The short film "Benevolence" which I acted in and also choreographed (HOT dance segment!) will play at Anthology Film Archives tomorrow night and I CAN'T WAIT! Come on down, it's 32 2nd Ave at 8:45pm and tix are $8. www.benevolencemovie.com
Have an amazing day!
A good night's sleep always helps and I got one.
I am open to receiving all the guidance that I need to move in the direction of my dreams! I affirm that I take 3 inspired actions today!
Just one more day til my big screen debut! The short film "Benevolence" which I acted in and also choreographed (HOT dance segment!) will play at Anthology Film Archives tomorrow night and I CAN'T WAIT! Come on down, it's 32 2nd Ave at 8:45pm and tix are $8. www.benevolencemovie.com
Have an amazing day!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
My Inner Fire Needs Stoking
I have to admit that I've not been feeling very good lately.
As a result, I am not making great choices with respect to sleep/food/my speech with friends, I am tired and I feel frustrated with myself and the circumstances of my life. I am losing some confidence or, maybe more accurately, I am not building it with the same kind of steam I felt like I was for the last few months.
I'm not going to go into a whiney victim rant. Rather, I'm going to use this space to work on my thinking. I'll do some CBT ("cognitive behavioral therapy") restructuring to identify which thoughts are irrational and not serving me.
My intention is to do this work with compassion, self-love and a gentle but knowing hand:
Thought: My Park Avenue Equinox intenSati classes are tiny and this sucks, is depressing and means I'm a bad teacher. I'm going to get cut from the schedule. I need to lose 15 pounds to get a good following.
Feeling: Sad, frustrated, afraid, loss of confidence
Thinking error: Black and White thinking, Catastrophizing
Challenge to the thought: There are many reasons that could explain why these classes are small, starting with the fact that I am a new teacher to this club and it takes a few months (I'm told 6, on average) to build a following. My other club classes have lots of people and I'm told time and time again that I'm a great teacher and my work is making a difference and having a positive impact on others. My weight is perfect and in my goal range, and going much lower could affect my menstruation as has happened in the past, so I don't have to have a perfect gym bod to teach intenSati really well.
Goal: Continue to do my best and give my best effort whether there are 5 or 50 students. Value them all! Value my own abilities and believe in myself.
Thought: I LOVE being an actor/writer/singer/dancer but since I work full time in an office it is impossible for me to succeed. I don't have the energy to work outside of here nor do I have the needed flexibility to audition and take gigs.
Feeling: Trapped, Upset, Envious of people living their passions full time, Victimy
Thinking error: Not sure what to call this but it's like telling only one side of the story, the negative one!
Challenge to the thought: Okay, it is certainly possible for me to succeed and, contrary to this thought and the feelings it's generating, I AM SUCCEEDING!! I have two films coming out (one this Friday night), I just got a callback to a Kashi commercial that I didn't get but I certainly held my own, I shot a great segment for NY-1, etc. There are plenty of people who transition out of an office job into working professionally as a successful artist. Why not me?
Goal: Continue to do everything I can to achieve my dreams. Stay focused. STOP complaining. Do my best to feel good and keep believing in myself, contact agents/casting directors, go on auditions, pray, intend, let go and just DON'T GIVE UP!
Thought: I am exhausted and waking up at 5:15am to teach and work full time is burning me out.
Thinking error: OK, actually, there is no error here - 'tis true. :) I am beat and that's because I'm falling asleep at 11pm each night and I need more rest. SO, time to work on getting to bed by 9:30pm/10:00pm on the nights before I teach.
Goal: View this as an opportunity to practice a new discipline (early to bed and early to rise). Feel the enjoyment and gratitude of getting up early and affirm that the early bird gets the worm and the worm in my case is a life beyond my wildest dreams! Again, no whining about this and start to practice more loving self care habits before bed.
Finally, I recently posted a quote by Lao Tsu on my Facebook page that really speaks to this notion of desiring what we already have or at the very least being at peace with it, knowing that things are exactly as they should be and in every moment we are really lacking nothing. That's a verbose paraphrase, but you get the gist. It's confusing to me since I'm alway desiring something, always wanting more, and generally feeling frustrated if what I want isn't showing up in the time frame I expect or want.
Here's the good news. I am aware of my own areas of vulnerability. I know that I have a tendency to wait until I get what I want before feeling happy and missing the abundance that is already here now. I know that I can resort to envying people who have that which I think I want and currently do not possess. Perhaps most importantly, I know that lack of sleep, for me, magnifies the negative like a hubble telescope. I can see the sand traps and be grateful that I fall in them less and less as years go by. What growth. I am grateful.
It takes a lot of strength to change the way we think. I think I am finally beginning to affirm all the work I've done and judge myself a little less harshly for being someone for whom this work is really and truly a necessary lifeline.
The mature woman is the powerful woman. I'm ending with something from Maya, let me Google a good passage and post it...
Found one!!
Love life
Engage in it
Give it all you've got
Love it with a passion
because life truly does give back
many times over
what you put into it
-Maya Angelou
xxoo
As a result, I am not making great choices with respect to sleep/food/my speech with friends, I am tired and I feel frustrated with myself and the circumstances of my life. I am losing some confidence or, maybe more accurately, I am not building it with the same kind of steam I felt like I was for the last few months.
I'm not going to go into a whiney victim rant. Rather, I'm going to use this space to work on my thinking. I'll do some CBT ("cognitive behavioral therapy") restructuring to identify which thoughts are irrational and not serving me.
My intention is to do this work with compassion, self-love and a gentle but knowing hand:
Thought: My Park Avenue Equinox intenSati classes are tiny and this sucks, is depressing and means I'm a bad teacher. I'm going to get cut from the schedule. I need to lose 15 pounds to get a good following.
Feeling: Sad, frustrated, afraid, loss of confidence
Thinking error: Black and White thinking, Catastrophizing
Challenge to the thought: There are many reasons that could explain why these classes are small, starting with the fact that I am a new teacher to this club and it takes a few months (I'm told 6, on average) to build a following. My other club classes have lots of people and I'm told time and time again that I'm a great teacher and my work is making a difference and having a positive impact on others. My weight is perfect and in my goal range, and going much lower could affect my menstruation as has happened in the past, so I don't have to have a perfect gym bod to teach intenSati really well.
Goal: Continue to do my best and give my best effort whether there are 5 or 50 students. Value them all! Value my own abilities and believe in myself.
Thought: I LOVE being an actor/writer/singer/dancer but since I work full time in an office it is impossible for me to succeed. I don't have the energy to work outside of here nor do I have the needed flexibility to audition and take gigs.
Feeling: Trapped, Upset, Envious of people living their passions full time, Victimy
Thinking error: Not sure what to call this but it's like telling only one side of the story, the negative one!
Challenge to the thought: Okay, it is certainly possible for me to succeed and, contrary to this thought and the feelings it's generating, I AM SUCCEEDING!! I have two films coming out (one this Friday night), I just got a callback to a Kashi commercial that I didn't get but I certainly held my own, I shot a great segment for NY-1, etc. There are plenty of people who transition out of an office job into working professionally as a successful artist. Why not me?
Goal: Continue to do everything I can to achieve my dreams. Stay focused. STOP complaining. Do my best to feel good and keep believing in myself, contact agents/casting directors, go on auditions, pray, intend, let go and just DON'T GIVE UP!
Thought: I am exhausted and waking up at 5:15am to teach and work full time is burning me out.
Thinking error: OK, actually, there is no error here - 'tis true. :) I am beat and that's because I'm falling asleep at 11pm each night and I need more rest. SO, time to work on getting to bed by 9:30pm/10:00pm on the nights before I teach.
Goal: View this as an opportunity to practice a new discipline (early to bed and early to rise). Feel the enjoyment and gratitude of getting up early and affirm that the early bird gets the worm and the worm in my case is a life beyond my wildest dreams! Again, no whining about this and start to practice more loving self care habits before bed.
Finally, I recently posted a quote by Lao Tsu on my Facebook page that really speaks to this notion of desiring what we already have or at the very least being at peace with it, knowing that things are exactly as they should be and in every moment we are really lacking nothing. That's a verbose paraphrase, but you get the gist. It's confusing to me since I'm alway desiring something, always wanting more, and generally feeling frustrated if what I want isn't showing up in the time frame I expect or want.
Here's the good news. I am aware of my own areas of vulnerability. I know that I have a tendency to wait until I get what I want before feeling happy and missing the abundance that is already here now. I know that I can resort to envying people who have that which I think I want and currently do not possess. Perhaps most importantly, I know that lack of sleep, for me, magnifies the negative like a hubble telescope. I can see the sand traps and be grateful that I fall in them less and less as years go by. What growth. I am grateful.
It takes a lot of strength to change the way we think. I think I am finally beginning to affirm all the work I've done and judge myself a little less harshly for being someone for whom this work is really and truly a necessary lifeline.
The mature woman is the powerful woman. I'm ending with something from Maya, let me Google a good passage and post it...
Found one!!
Love life
Engage in it
Give it all you've got
Love it with a passion
because life truly does give back
many times over
what you put into it
-Maya Angelou
xxoo
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Powerful, Focused and Balanced
In my "Desire & Freedom" intenSati series I am affirming these 3 wonderful qualities!
I am Powerful -- I am solid and stable, I can establish and maintain proper boundaries, I have great energy, I am connected to Source, I can handle not getting what I want (like a Kashi commercial I just audition, darnit!), I can heal and help myself, I am able help others and I am very intelligent and creative! I am so strong and have tremendous physical stamina and endurance.
I am Focused -- I am able to stay with a task until it's completed, I do what's best for me, I follow the programs of recovery that work for me, I keep my mind attuned to what I have not lack, what is going right not "wrong" and I pay close attention to the goodness in others as well as myself. I am no longer easily distracted by futile activities, I use the power of my mind to stay with and perservere through challenging tasks so I reap the rewards.
I am Balanced -- I find time for work and play, exertion and rest, healthy food and sweet snacks, right brained and left brained activities...I heal my right ankle from two surgeries and multiple sprains so now it is as strong as my left one and I can stand equally on my own two feet. I can feel like Wonder Woman one day and wonder the next why I feel like a child, not a woman. It's okay. I'm balanced and accept all parts of me.
Please send me your own definitions of Power, Focus and Balance to davis.lindsay@gmail.com! I'd love to know how you personalize these words.
I am Powerful -- I am solid and stable, I can establish and maintain proper boundaries, I have great energy, I am connected to Source, I can handle not getting what I want (like a Kashi commercial I just audition, darnit!), I can heal and help myself, I am able help others and I am very intelligent and creative! I am so strong and have tremendous physical stamina and endurance.
I am Focused -- I am able to stay with a task until it's completed, I do what's best for me, I follow the programs of recovery that work for me, I keep my mind attuned to what I have not lack, what is going right not "wrong" and I pay close attention to the goodness in others as well as myself. I am no longer easily distracted by futile activities, I use the power of my mind to stay with and perservere through challenging tasks so I reap the rewards.
I am Balanced -- I find time for work and play, exertion and rest, healthy food and sweet snacks, right brained and left brained activities...I heal my right ankle from two surgeries and multiple sprains so now it is as strong as my left one and I can stand equally on my own two feet. I can feel like Wonder Woman one day and wonder the next why I feel like a child, not a woman. It's okay. I'm balanced and accept all parts of me.
Please send me your own definitions of Power, Focus and Balance to davis.lindsay@gmail.com! I'd love to know how you personalize these words.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Living Now
Do you cast your fears and your doubts aside?
Are you living now and enjoying the ride?
Well, it's been quite a week (8 days, technically since my last post). I received a ton of positive praise as the result of the NYer of the Week segment on NY1 and it was very, very moving for me. To see myself on television in such a glowing, joyful, healthy and recovered state doing something I love was just an amazing gift. To hear from friends with whom I haven't talked in over 10 years, strangers interested in taking the class after feeling so inspired from the piece, former coworkers who saw it, and people in my life who know the extent of my journey and took time to tell me how proud of me they are just caused me to get very emotional. I cried at one point every day from about Sat-Tuesday.
Then, when 3 out of 5 classes I taught between Monday and Saturday had less than 10 people, I started to freak out and lose confidence! I have a callback for a Kashi commercial (that's tomorrow) and a short film I acted in and choreographed is playing at Anthology Film Archives Theater on Friday at 8:45pm. Incredible milestones for me. Yet, do you want to know how I feel about both? Scared. Want to know what I feel like doing? Curling up in my bed and reading "Angela's Ashes" which has been on my reading list for years (I finally have it in my hands, yay). I felt like I just wanted to read and then go for a jog at the park, take an intenSati class and not teach it, and basically just do some version of crawling under a rock.
Yikes.
So, because I am committed to getting honest with myself and feeling good, I knew it was time to do an inventory. What the heck is going on here?!?! When I wrote my Desire & Freedom series and the above-mentioned affirmation, I was intending to let go of fear because I've always felt I get afraid and spooked quite easily and that my self conscious insecurities block me from pursuing my passions on the scale I desire. I find tremendous freedom when I am able to let go and just live in the now. It's those moments where fear dissipates and I'm just enjoying the ride that are close to bliss.
When fear and doubts are released, I enjoy the challenge of rising early to teach a fitness practice I love but when those fears creep back in, I become obsessed with counting my number of students and fearful nobody will show up! I want to enjoy the ride of seeing a dream come to fruition after 10 years of studying acting -- a movie I'm in will be shown on a big screen and this is cool and fun!! -- but in fear all I can think about is I'm going to look unattractive in high def on a huge screen. It becomes about me and I get self centered and self critical. I can see the way fear comes in and just craps all over passion, which is why I'm committed to learning how to release it.
I want to breathe my life open like the fresh air I loved so much in the park when I taught intenSati there and even yesterday when I walked through it in a rainstorm, skipping over and through mud puddles like I was a little girl. The freedom I feel when my fears dissipate is indescribable -- it's this sensation and belief that I can do anything I put my heart and mind to! It's like taking off a mask that was blocking my ability to breathe.
I love sighs of relief.
I don't know where my fears and doubts come from and perhaps I'll never fully understand them. All I can say is I ask the Universe to take them from me, I ask that they be taken just like the Prayer of St. Frances says, "Where there is doubt, (let me sow) Faith" so that I can be FREE and useful and joyful and light.
Are you living now and enjoying the ride?
Well, it's been quite a week (8 days, technically since my last post). I received a ton of positive praise as the result of the NYer of the Week segment on NY1 and it was very, very moving for me. To see myself on television in such a glowing, joyful, healthy and recovered state doing something I love was just an amazing gift. To hear from friends with whom I haven't talked in over 10 years, strangers interested in taking the class after feeling so inspired from the piece, former coworkers who saw it, and people in my life who know the extent of my journey and took time to tell me how proud of me they are just caused me to get very emotional. I cried at one point every day from about Sat-Tuesday.
Then, when 3 out of 5 classes I taught between Monday and Saturday had less than 10 people, I started to freak out and lose confidence! I have a callback for a Kashi commercial (that's tomorrow) and a short film I acted in and choreographed is playing at Anthology Film Archives Theater on Friday at 8:45pm. Incredible milestones for me. Yet, do you want to know how I feel about both? Scared. Want to know what I feel like doing? Curling up in my bed and reading "Angela's Ashes" which has been on my reading list for years (I finally have it in my hands, yay). I felt like I just wanted to read and then go for a jog at the park, take an intenSati class and not teach it, and basically just do some version of crawling under a rock.
Yikes.
So, because I am committed to getting honest with myself and feeling good, I knew it was time to do an inventory. What the heck is going on here?!?! When I wrote my Desire & Freedom series and the above-mentioned affirmation, I was intending to let go of fear because I've always felt I get afraid and spooked quite easily and that my self conscious insecurities block me from pursuing my passions on the scale I desire. I find tremendous freedom when I am able to let go and just live in the now. It's those moments where fear dissipates and I'm just enjoying the ride that are close to bliss.
When fear and doubts are released, I enjoy the challenge of rising early to teach a fitness practice I love but when those fears creep back in, I become obsessed with counting my number of students and fearful nobody will show up! I want to enjoy the ride of seeing a dream come to fruition after 10 years of studying acting -- a movie I'm in will be shown on a big screen and this is cool and fun!! -- but in fear all I can think about is I'm going to look unattractive in high def on a huge screen. It becomes about me and I get self centered and self critical. I can see the way fear comes in and just craps all over passion, which is why I'm committed to learning how to release it.
I want to breathe my life open like the fresh air I loved so much in the park when I taught intenSati there and even yesterday when I walked through it in a rainstorm, skipping over and through mud puddles like I was a little girl. The freedom I feel when my fears dissipate is indescribable -- it's this sensation and belief that I can do anything I put my heart and mind to! It's like taking off a mask that was blocking my ability to breathe.
I love sighs of relief.
I don't know where my fears and doubts come from and perhaps I'll never fully understand them. All I can say is I ask the Universe to take them from me, I ask that they be taken just like the Prayer of St. Frances says, "Where there is doubt, (let me sow) Faith" so that I can be FREE and useful and joyful and light.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Stoke Your Inner Fire
Do you stoke your inner fire? I stoke my inner fire!
This affirmation is part of my "Desire & Freedom" intenSati series, which I'm teaching this month at Equinox Fitness. We do it with the action known in Sati as INSPIRED and it consists of single, uppercut punches alternating between right and left.
Consider it your Rocky moment. No stairs or grey hooded sweatshirt, though. Just YOU, rockin' out, in a fitness studio. :)
We all need to light our own fires of desire, right? It's not as if we can depend on an outside source to let us know what we want to do with our lives. Sounds pretty basic but it's easier said than done! We get so many influences from well-meaning, well-intentioned indviduals. Perhaps you stand out as a science and math student, so your parents say, You should be a doctor. Or, perhaps you are a stunning, 5'11, slender, woman who wears clothes like it's nobody's business. Well, you should be a model then! Not so fast.
Maybe it starts with a hunch. For me, when I was an English major at Cornell, I was absolutely obsessed with the Theater Arts department. I went to shows and readings, and took many English classes that were cross-listed with Theater Arts. I imagined myself on stage, joined a song-and-dance choir with no vocal training (don't ask, this did nothing for my anxiety issues at the time), and began to really wonder and imagine how awesome it would be to act in a movie. All these little sprinkles of desire were in my heart and I followed. It wasn't until I was working in publishing right out of school that I decided to go on my first audition (The Donkey Show open call and I got down to 20 out of 250!) and take an acting class (at HB Studios). Through that, I arrived at a new passion, something I absolutely loved and still love to this day! I stoked my inner fire and continued to over the years to very positive effect.
Julia Cameron says our desires are the starting point of our creativity. So as the weather cools and we move further into fall, I encourage you to find ways to stoke, light, grow, and expand your inner fire of desire! It doesn't matter where it leads or what happens. In fact, letting go of results is where the true freedom lives because then it's about enjoying the ride (that's another affirmation in my series, but we'll get to that in a post or 2)!
So, stoke away!!!
****************
Check out NY-1 this weekend because I am the "New Yorker of the Week"!
I teach at Equinox on the following dates/times and guest passes are available for ALL my classes:
MON: Park Ave/33rd St at 7:00AM
WED: Park Ave/33rd St at 7:00AM
FRI: 17th St/10th Ave at 6:30AM (High Cardio Burn)
SAT: Lex Ave/63rd St at 12:45PM
Have you tried life coaching? I am a client of The Handel Group (www.handelgroup.com) and the work I'm doing with my coach is really helping me! By telling them you heard about HG coaching through my blog you will be eligible for discounted rates. Just ask for Laurie Gerber to discuss options!
Thank you and all best, :) L
This affirmation is part of my "Desire & Freedom" intenSati series, which I'm teaching this month at Equinox Fitness. We do it with the action known in Sati as INSPIRED and it consists of single, uppercut punches alternating between right and left.
Consider it your Rocky moment. No stairs or grey hooded sweatshirt, though. Just YOU, rockin' out, in a fitness studio. :)
We all need to light our own fires of desire, right? It's not as if we can depend on an outside source to let us know what we want to do with our lives. Sounds pretty basic but it's easier said than done! We get so many influences from well-meaning, well-intentioned indviduals. Perhaps you stand out as a science and math student, so your parents say, You should be a doctor. Or, perhaps you are a stunning, 5'11, slender, woman who wears clothes like it's nobody's business. Well, you should be a model then! Not so fast.
Maybe it starts with a hunch. For me, when I was an English major at Cornell, I was absolutely obsessed with the Theater Arts department. I went to shows and readings, and took many English classes that were cross-listed with Theater Arts. I imagined myself on stage, joined a song-and-dance choir with no vocal training (don't ask, this did nothing for my anxiety issues at the time), and began to really wonder and imagine how awesome it would be to act in a movie. All these little sprinkles of desire were in my heart and I followed. It wasn't until I was working in publishing right out of school that I decided to go on my first audition (The Donkey Show open call and I got down to 20 out of 250!) and take an acting class (at HB Studios). Through that, I arrived at a new passion, something I absolutely loved and still love to this day! I stoked my inner fire and continued to over the years to very positive effect.
Julia Cameron says our desires are the starting point of our creativity. So as the weather cools and we move further into fall, I encourage you to find ways to stoke, light, grow, and expand your inner fire of desire! It doesn't matter where it leads or what happens. In fact, letting go of results is where the true freedom lives because then it's about enjoying the ride (that's another affirmation in my series, but we'll get to that in a post or 2)!
So, stoke away!!!
****************
Check out NY-1 this weekend because I am the "New Yorker of the Week"!
I teach at Equinox on the following dates/times and guest passes are available for ALL my classes:
MON: Park Ave/33rd St at 7:00AM
WED: Park Ave/33rd St at 7:00AM
FRI: 17th St/10th Ave at 6:30AM (High Cardio Burn)
SAT: Lex Ave/63rd St at 12:45PM
Have you tried life coaching? I am a client of The Handel Group (www.handelgroup.com) and the work I'm doing with my coach is really helping me! By telling them you heard about HG coaching through my blog you will be eligible for discounted rates. Just ask for Laurie Gerber to discuss options!
Thank you and all best, :) L
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Desire and Freedom
Hi everybody,
I am so happy to be teaching my own original intenSati (www.satilife.com) series this month at Equinox. intenSati is a high energy, exhilarating workout that fuses exercise and positive affirmations! The moves are derived from dance, yoga, aerobics, and martial arts and each move is assigned an affirmation. My series is called "Desire and Freedom" and my goal is for students to feel their desires fully by letting go of fear and doubt. This, to me, is freedom incarnate!
There was a significant period of time in my life when I had absolutely no idea what I really wanted because my desires were buried under an avalanche of fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being wrong, of humiliation, of losing what I acquired, of never getting what I desired -- whatever one could be afraid of, I found it! My desire just manifested sideways and in very unhealthy and dangerous practices, such as bulimia. I also went through frequent periods of anxiety and worry when all I desired was relief from these states. Then, like an overhyped gerbil chasing its tail, I would just go after unhealthy habits that left me dizzy and in the same place. All because I was seeking relief.
I am so fortunate I found healthy ways to relieve my stress and then began to learn ways to unpack and get at my stress from the inside out, from its root causes. This is an ongoing process and as they say, it ain't easy.
Over time, through recovery work and intenSati, I learned to uncover and unleash my desires and with that has come a tremendous sense of fun, playfulness and freedom. I get excited when I know what I desire, whether it's very specifically how I want to spend an evening, what new career goal lights my fire, or whether I want to buy a jacket in black, brown or beige. Actually, it's never beige. Nope, I've never desired beige. Ever.
I laugh when my desires change and I see which ones are there after I put my head on the pillow and wake up the next day. Typically, when I want something, I like to see if I want it consistently. If I do, there's a good chance it's for my highest good or at the very least it will be something worth pursuing, no matter what the outcome.
The first 3 affirmations of my "Desire and Freedom" series go like this:
Yes. I am confident. I know what I desire.
Can you affirm going confidently in the direction of your desires (that's a nod to Thoreau who said Go confidently in the direction of your dreams...)? Can you affirm that you know what you desire, even if you don't...yet? If you do know what you desire, can you celebrate that? Desire is a sign of your life force, your creative intention and if that's not worthy of a celebration, I don't know what is!
:) all best, L
I am so happy to be teaching my own original intenSati (www.satilife.com) series this month at Equinox. intenSati is a high energy, exhilarating workout that fuses exercise and positive affirmations! The moves are derived from dance, yoga, aerobics, and martial arts and each move is assigned an affirmation. My series is called "Desire and Freedom" and my goal is for students to feel their desires fully by letting go of fear and doubt. This, to me, is freedom incarnate!
There was a significant period of time in my life when I had absolutely no idea what I really wanted because my desires were buried under an avalanche of fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being wrong, of humiliation, of losing what I acquired, of never getting what I desired -- whatever one could be afraid of, I found it! My desire just manifested sideways and in very unhealthy and dangerous practices, such as bulimia. I also went through frequent periods of anxiety and worry when all I desired was relief from these states. Then, like an overhyped gerbil chasing its tail, I would just go after unhealthy habits that left me dizzy and in the same place. All because I was seeking relief.
I am so fortunate I found healthy ways to relieve my stress and then began to learn ways to unpack and get at my stress from the inside out, from its root causes. This is an ongoing process and as they say, it ain't easy.
Over time, through recovery work and intenSati, I learned to uncover and unleash my desires and with that has come a tremendous sense of fun, playfulness and freedom. I get excited when I know what I desire, whether it's very specifically how I want to spend an evening, what new career goal lights my fire, or whether I want to buy a jacket in black, brown or beige. Actually, it's never beige. Nope, I've never desired beige. Ever.
I laugh when my desires change and I see which ones are there after I put my head on the pillow and wake up the next day. Typically, when I want something, I like to see if I want it consistently. If I do, there's a good chance it's for my highest good or at the very least it will be something worth pursuing, no matter what the outcome.
The first 3 affirmations of my "Desire and Freedom" series go like this:
Yes. I am confident. I know what I desire.
Can you affirm going confidently in the direction of your desires (that's a nod to Thoreau who said Go confidently in the direction of your dreams...)? Can you affirm that you know what you desire, even if you don't...yet? If you do know what you desire, can you celebrate that? Desire is a sign of your life force, your creative intention and if that's not worthy of a celebration, I don't know what is!
:) all best, L
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