7 hours of sleep again last night. I hit my mark. :)
I am feeling grateful because my body is in the best shape it's been in for a while. My legs are toned, my shoulders and arms have some really nice definition and, to use the wise words of a friend whose opinion I trust but don't depend on to define me, "you can bounce a quarter off of your butt". A good thing, indeed...
However, what I do have that I have no self acceptance around at all is a very soft belly. I can probably stand to lose 5-10 pounds that would drain from that area, not to mention if I drank less coffee, chewed less gum and had even more water, my bloat would diminish. The only time I ever really lost this belly was when I was playing college soccer and then after college when I became borderline anorexic and weighed only 107 pounds.
I recently lost a little weight and started working on my core but I'm a long way from abs that would put me in a league with Janet (in her prime) though secretly I want it SO bad. Now, not so secretly. But I do! I have this image of myself finally wearing a 2-piece which I haven't worn except in those tank forms where it doesn't really look like a bikini but more like a 1-piece that has a broken, unzipped zipper around the hips. You know what I mean. :)
This is not easy to write about so I'll keep going!
So, yes, your girl Lindsay wants hot abs.
Where am I going with this? I mean this post as well as any plans for my improved body image. Re: the latter, I joined Patricia Moreno's 30-day challenge starting April 20th at which point I'll be trying to give up soda, refined sugars and other habits. As for maintaining said expected weight loss, well, 30 days will likely get extended one day at at time but I'm not going to think about that right now! Go to
www.patriciamorenothrive.blogspot.com for more info and see which of her suggestions you want to commit to for a month!
For this post right here right now, I'm going to try to make some peace with the moment and write a healing correspondence between me and my belly:
Dear My Belly:
Hi, how are you? I know you've found a comfortable presence in my life and you and I go waaaay back. You've been so patient all these years while I ridiculed you and made you a very specific object/target of my personal self loathing. I guess I am sorry I've hated you without skipping a day. I know you do the best you can to fit into clothing that's either too big or too small and rarely just right. You've also been just the right amount of cushion to help me feel protected and not quite as exposed or vulnerable in the world, so thanks for that, too. However, I am writing to let you know that rather than keep you around and hate on you all the time, I am going to try and take some moderate measures and actions to let you go. I'm going to change my diet a bit. I'm going to start visualizing and seeing myself in a really cute bikini. Yes, a bikini. I'm going to stop calling you my "Buddha Belly" and stop believing we are destined to be together forever. I am going to let you go and believe it's possible.
In the meantime, while you're here, I will do my best to LOVE you or at least accept you. You've done a lot for me! I mentioned the protection thing earlier, thanks again, and also you've sustained some of my really weird imaginings, like that pregnancy fantasy I sometimes have where I stand in the mirror and actually imagine myself pregnant bc that's what you resemble -- a preggers bump. Well, I'm turning 33 soon so let's say good bye to that fantasy in faith that I will welcome you back as such when I do in fact, g-d willing, get married and well, pregnant for real!! Thank you for listening. Let's be at peace for now.
:) Isn't creative writing fun?!
So, maybe what I will suggest to you this morning is taking some aspect of yourself that you are at odds with and writing a letter with the intention of reaching greater acceptance. It really is an interesting exercise and you don't have to share it with anybody, of course. For me, I like sharing this because it takes some of the drama and shame out of it. It's really not a big deal and there is NOTHING to be ashamed of --
IT'S ABOUT BEING HUMAN, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wishing you a really good day today and willingness to work on yourself with love, care and patience.
I am sending an additional email later with a lot of great updates -- there is so much exciting stuff going on in the Sati community!!! -- so please keep a heads up for that. In the meantime, reminder that my Saturday EQ class is at Lex/63rd tomorrow at 12:45pm and on Monday at 7AM at Pk/33rd. Central Park on tomorrow only if it's dry. I won't be teaching if it's raining!
With xo and gratitude,