I'm currently healing "trigger points" in my upper back. They're these rather painful little doodads that are intense and sensitive. The American Family Journal defines them as, "discrete, focal, hyperirritable spots located in a taut band of skeletal muscle. They produce pain locally and in a referred pattern and often accompany chronic musculoskeletal disorders."
More generally, WebMD calls a trigger point, "a specific point or area where stimulation by touch, pain, or pressure induces a painful response."
I can see now that my body's manifested a condition -- trigger points-- that reflects how I'm learning to cope with triggers and handle situations that cause pressure without going for a "painful response" which is any emotional or behavior REACTION that causes even more pain!
I was recently re-introduced to the powerful Marianne Williamson quote which says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."
I've come to believe that fearing my own power and light has been one of my biggest triggers over the years. I accept that, as a result, I reacted by manifesting, attracting, practicing behaviors and allowing things into my life that threw a big, dark blanket over my light. If we're afraid of our light then yes, the natural response would be to create darkness or try to escape it, right? Yes, habits like overeating, spending recklessly, drinking, drugs, abusive relationships, work scenarios that are unfulfilling, not to mention self abusive habits like self criticism, negativity, self blame, etc., PUT OUT THE LIGHT, if only temporarily.
Can you imagine yourself in your light for a few moments. Whatever comes to mind -- it's the time when you feel free, blissful, powerful, connected and full of JOY...
Now, after a few minutes, can you think about stopping and shrinking into a slightly more darkened yet comfortable place. The familiar is back. The familiar job, routine, chronic injuries or sicknesses, emotional and behavioral reactions that you've done for a really long time. I'm not saying you're in the black, in fact, there may be some light peeking in there, in and out, but there are still limits and controls. Can you feel the contrast?
When you are your freest, your brightest, your greatest, your most magnificent -- when you are full of joy and in that kind of energetic place, you are not doing anything wrong. You are doing everything right!!!!!! You are also freeing others to feel their own light and how amazing it is that we're all helping each other release the pressure, release the pain and feel so connected to our power that what used to be trigger points just disappear or don't elicit a response at all.
You know you are making progress when your darkness behaviors begin to feel less comfortable than your moments in the sun. Can you also feel how this is not about being the best? It's not even about getting any kind of recognition or being seen or witnessed. It's very personal and can be something that happens in your most quiet place.
I hope you find the "Grace of the Sun" in yourself today:
(sorry that the hyperlink function isn't working or I haven't figured it out but cut and paste that song, it's soooo worth it!)
Closing thought: I slow down and open up to my own magnificent light today. I am so grateful I am connected to the grace of the sun inside me!!
With xo and gratitude,
See you in class later!!
10AM CENTRAL PARK
12:45 PM LEXINGTON AND 63RD ST EQUINOX