Who Knows Best

Good morning!

Fyi, I blogged last night but didn't email or Facebook but it is there and I think it's a cool post. Don't forget to follow the hyperlinks which are beneath words (or emoticons, yes) in colored font.

As adults, we are given the power to make decisions about the life we want to live. Then we're free to set things up like pins in a bowling alley and toss our nice, colorful balls down the lane. Strikes, spares, gutter balls and everything in between is part of the journey, yes, and I think that it's comforting to have a clear image of what pins we're aiming at.

I don't know if you had this at your bowling alleys growing up, but where I am from (Plainview, Long Island, New York) at the Plainview Bowl, every so often, when the machine set up the pins there would a brightly colored pin. Sometimes it was blue or green. There it was sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the other white pins and I would get a little jolt of excitement not only because it meant I was going to get extra points if I knocked it down, but because I jsut didn't expect it coming. Surprise!

Well, something recently changed for me at my current job and it feels a lot like a colored pin was thrown into the mix. I never visualized this particular opportunity although the feelings I have are associated with the positive feelings I've been focusing on to propel me in the direction of my dreams. That is a wonderful way in to the practice of manifesting when you don't yet know exactly what you want. Simply focus on how you want to feel and then let the Universe set some things up to match your vibration and expectations. This also works if you DO know what you want because it allows you to stay open to new ideas you never dreamed of but are really fabulous once they happen!

I also want to pitch the importance of preparation. I keep hearing this from my mentors and they are SO RIGHT. Do you want to be ready when opportunity knocks? Or, do you want to be like just getting out of the shower with your hair still wet, trying to put your clothes together to find the outfit that just looks right and Oh, shit, where is my other shoe?! Umm, no. Maybe this is fine if you have a nice gentleman caller waiting for you to take you on a date and he's patient, or, so busy on his blackberry that he doesn't mind killing some time. However, when it comes to career and business opportunities, you want to be READY to GO.

So, I am grateful for my teachers who are guiding me to know that even before things are happening at the level you are striving towards, you begin the preparation so that when they do arrive, you can, ah -- I will not use "hit the ground running" bc that could not be more overused -- you can, hit the lane bowling!! :)!

Have a great day!! x L

On Deserve: The V is Silent

I started to write a piece called On Deserve and then I thought of On Demand, as in VOD, Video On Demand. I don't watch that much but I do work in TV, so I know the lingo. Trapped in acronym land, I couldn't come up with anything to put in front of the OD that makes sense. Hence, the V is silent and this piece is still just called On Deserve.

The V is silent. That's interesting. The Victim is silent? The Voice is silent. Great. Anybody up for an Edgar Allen Poe story?

There is always what is being said and then there is what lies beneath the surface. The subtext. It's fascinating to me when there is no subtext, when the words exchanged between people -- the text alone -- is it. Nothing implied, insinuated, or even felt that is not being said or expressed. No thing hidden.

As one of my friends and intenSati students performed tonight in a cabaret for the first time in 17 years, I was moved to think about his courage as well as why we are drawn to performance. Something called him back to the stage. He could've just started voice lessons again for himself and neighbors (if his walls are on the thin side) but no, he chose to participate in a show. One with an audience. In New York City where there is probably more talent concentrated per square inch then any other city in the galaxy. Boldness personified.

Quite a step up from serenading your dolls with a hairbrush mic when you were a kid, don't you think?

I am grateful to be a performer amongst performers in New York City and I am equally grateful to know that essentially, we are all performers all the time, whether we are on stage or not, as we are always drawing on talents to entertain people and share in ways that elicit emotions in others. Actors play scenes on stage or the ones in real life by committing entirely to motivation and given circumstances. Improvisers know how to say Yes. Writers observe threads and lines, patterns and events down to the tiniest detail.

A pair of pale blue eyes sparkle increasingly with age, their light protected by lids that only look lackadaisical. What happens to blind spots couched in creases?

When you go on stage to perform you are saying Yes, I do deserve to be heard. Yes, I do deserve to be seen. I want to give and express my passion and talent with you. Thank you for being here with me tonight while I express myself! Thank you for being a witness to my bravery and skill.

I wanted to go for a jog so bad I nearly went AMA by tossing my crutches into traffic and dashing into Central Park with all my fellow city runners. I imagined that I was in motion. Then I wanted to dance!!! Then I wanted to scold every single person who could embrace but decided to skip the chance to go out and play sports or dance or move around in some healthy, fun way tonight. Oh, what they are missing! :)

For a 90 degree, August summer scorcher, I had a really nice hair day. For someone whose entire exercise regime has been altered, my health feels pretty good and so does my body. I got all dolled up today for work, glowing after my morning workout, and afterwards I went straight home. I thought to myself, if a woman is lovely and returns to her empty apartment to retire, was she beautiful? Does beauty need a witness, too, or can it exist without one.

I wonder how many women give themselves the gift of lovely reflections.

I think that the ease with which we can now all be seen -- thanks to the internet -- is causing a massive, collective movement towards courageous self expression. It is also, because of the ease with which we can all solicit and attract audiences and followers, feeding desires for external attention and validation. It's hard not to get sucked into it, to remain free...

At its core, there is a collective desire to be healed. That's what I feel is underneath it all. Here's Who got it right on:

Sound Healing

A few things are coming together with respect to my healing. For any newcomers to my blog (Welcome!) I am healing after having two ankle ligaments reconstructed mid-July but it doesn't stop there. I'm healing other aspects of me, too, as I move towards becoming more whole.

I made the choice a few days ago to stop seeing someone who did not have an interest in the same kind of relationship I am seeking. After about a year of doing the on and off dance, I finally realized how much more I deserve. That D word. Oh, people have been saying it to me for months, "Sweety, you really really deserve more than this," and each time they'd say it, I'd shrink inside. Why? Isn't it true when someone, particularly your friends and family who love you, says something accurate that exposes a vulnerability -- i.e. allowing and choosing someone or something into your life that is not honoring all you are and what you desire -- you become a little defensive? Well, that's what was happening for me.

Like the crutches I've been using to get around, this situation became a crutch in it of itself. I was trying to make it more than it was to avoid putting one foot in front of the other and walking confidently in the direction of my dreams. The kicker is that I may sometimes feel afraid to stand on my own two feet as a single woman with a clear intention, but I am certainly NOT injured or debilitated. On the contrary, I am pretty healthy and strong. So, to get really honest with myself about the life I desire -- real love, a healthy amazing relationship with a man who is committed and devoted to me, and eventually marriage and kids -- means also acknowledging that I am not going to settle for anything less.

Conclusion: I don't need a crutch. Word.

*

The other thing I want to share about is the power of music and sound to heal. If I can try and articulate the kind of healing that goes on -- I would say that the music allows you to soften and feel love, compassion, sadness, or an awareness of beauty. If you believe in spiritual energy, as I do, it's one of the ways we feel it, through music, which makes you feel so alive and in the moment. Music is one of the greatest gifts of life. While healing, it makes feelings of being injured or broken in any way either more intense, which is part of the passage way to releasing and moving on, or, less intense because the music carries you to a place where you are away from pain and simply living in the awareness of sound.

A few years ago, I found this woman named Maryanne Savino and she leads these healing circles where she vocalizes with live musicians. She calls her work "sound alchemy". More recently, intenSati leader Erika Shannon played her brother's -- John Shannon -- music at the end of class and it moved me so deeply. I bought his album "American Mystic" and listened to it all last winter. I absolutely love it and I am grateful for the emotions it elicits in me every time I listen. A few months ago, the production company M27 brought a Spanish musician/instrumentalist named Nacho Arimany to NYC and his music also had a powerful, very healing effect on me when I saw them live. Check out the Nacho Arimany Trio. Common threads.

I heard John perform live last night for the first time at Le Poisson Rouge and it was everything I had hoped for. He reminds me of solo Sting but with more of an integration of the natural world in his music. John's song structure is also more abstract. I love his sound and unique, experimental approach to folk music. Not like I need to compare to him Sting -- John is a totally unique artist. He was opening for this group of Nigerian/British musicians called The Olatuja Project. When I heard Michael Olatuja play and vocalist Alicia Olatuja sing I blown away (also kinda made me think I really have no business singing and should just leave it to the pros, but it's not fair to compare! Different styles and different sounds, work...) by musicianship of the group -- wow. I was in heaven, except for the venue being so cold it was like watching bright, beautiful flames burning inside the corner of a meat locker. I ended up needing to leave a little early bc it was bothering my ankle and leg.

It is not easy to articulate the power of music and sounds. I feel like it's probably best not to try. It's the same with relationships and ones that aren't working for both parties, I guess.

Sometimes, things are easier done than said.

I searched for a recording of one of the uplifting songs Olatuja played last night called Little Sister (a great lower body intenSati song!) with the lyric, "Dreams can become a reality when you begin. Just begin!" I found one performance of it on line and the clip doesn't have Alicia Olatuja -- I'm not sure who is performing the vocals because she isn't in the frame -- nor does it have the incredible keyboardist who played last night and took everybody's breath away. Also, this version has some Jesus references that were missing from the version last night. That's not the best set up for a really sweet song but, alas, please have a listen if you want and ENJOY:

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday! I think I'm going to be blogging a bit less going forward because things are becoming very busy for me (in a very great abundant way, YES!) and I just don't have as much time. So, if you want to contribute a post of your own, please let me know. I know some of you are great writers and I would be so happy to take a look at your work if you're interested in sharing with my readers.

Thank you and have a wonderful day today! YOU DESERVE IT.

Best,

Lindsay

Transition Elements

Good morning!

A few readers recently asked me how and when I come up with ideas for my posts. Happy to report that I wake up in the morning without any idea of what I'm going to write about. Something might be stirring around in me before bed or after I get up but I don't do any formal writing or research until I turn on my laptop. All the multi-media I embed is found while I am thinking and writing. I enjoy my YouTube lab as a place to feed my imagination. I might search a song or a word and see where it leads. It's like a little treasure hunt.

This morning I searched the word "element". I found some really interesting things but what I want to focus on briefly is the scientific meaning of "transition elements". I am feeling like reading a lot about science these days. This morning is no exception. I feel a bit like I could be back in school with a trapper keeper and my periodic table of elements sandwiched in between a table of contents and chapters for the quarter. Do you have any extra reinforcements?

Anyway, I gravitated towards this phrase because I am definitely going through transitions right now in more than a few areas of my life. You know when you can just feel yourself changing and see how your life to starts to change around you, too? Fruits of my labor are a ripenin'! Different people and opportunities are coming in and I am feeling the strength to release what isn't making me happy. I love the fall season coming up, which is a time for release, for more love, and for feeling the winds of change while cooling off.

So, if you are interested in a brief chemistry as metaphor science conversation, read on...

There are certain qualities of transition elements I found in my research and they are comparable to the elements of ourselves we can strive to keep in tact while we go through a transition. Elements in it of themselves are the qualities of a compound that are constant and never change. It's the substance that can't be broken down any further (the atom) and in human beings, that's you, it's those aspects that remain constant no matter what. As you age, gain or lose weight or hair, go through shifts in your career, relationships, geographic relocations, etc., can you identify elements of who you are that will always be there? They may just be latent but they didn't disappear.

Follow the link above -- the transition elements one and not the winds of change one which of course leads to the Scorpion song that I woke up singing (don't hate me if it gets stuck in your head) -- and you'll read that transition elements have"high tensile strength (ability to withstand stress)" and "they are good catalysts". They are also usually brightly colored. :)

Nice qualities, don't you agree?! I'm not asking for more stress but certainly it's part of life and resilience, people who have it and learn it, are the ones who thrive. A catalyst modifies and increases a rate of reaction without "being consumed in the process." More metaphores galore.

Bring about change, yes, be involved in the process, yes yes, but don't get consumed. No need to become overwhelmed. Love it.

Wishing you exciting changes and transitions that don't consume you but encourage your GROWTH and deepen your HAPPINESS.

Have a wonderful day!

Best,
Lindsay

ps Sorry, Blogger formatting is messed up this morning and its affecting the paragraph breaks. Oh well!

Fits and Starts

Fits

I was interviewing a young, up and coming British singer/songwriter yesterday (I do enjoy writing that, ah) ahead of his upcoming album release next month. About two years ago, after some solo work, he was paired up by his record label with a producer and the two of them began working as a duo. They've been gaining in popularity and found a style that really works. The singer said how much he feels they are just a very, very good fit. Things have been flowing easily and naturally.

Two separate people I spent time with yesterday with made references to the clothing they were wearing. One felt a jacket was too snug. The other admitted to feeling uncomfortable in the suit that he wears (it is required dress code in the corporation where he works) and observes how his mood and energy change considerably when he's wearing just a comfortable pair of jeans, a tee shirt and cool sneakers. They both didn't feel like their outfit was a great fit and were desiring something looser and less restrictive. I can relate wholeheartedly as there are days when I zip up something (maybe it's from Ann Taylor) and just inwardly wait for the director to call "Action!"

Where are the good fits happening in your life? Affirm them. Where are the restrictions and what can you do about them? I think we become invested in forcing good fits, sometimes, out of fear to start over and begin anew. Squeezing into a situation that's not the right one can't lead to happiness, right? Whether it's the right relationship, career, or outfit, it can be scary to face the truth and recognize it is time to make a new start.

Starts

That said, I think it is tempting to fall into a mindset where you are always starting over. Whether it's cycling through relationships, jobs, practices, goals, hobbies, moods or personal initiatives, the feeling or the energy is that there is always some sort of crisis or mess to sweep away, dissolve or manage and then, it's like, Pfew, okay, let's begin now! It's the beginning again, right?! Not exactly.

That might just be an overarching desire or need to assert control. Truth is, it's all part of journey and path, each phase matters, so rather than wipe slates clean or turn away from times or choices you've made throughout your life, maybe the stronger choice is to see it all -- embrace it all as one, long windy road that brought you to this very moment, which is the perfect moment, at least according to the spiritual teachers from whom I'm learning. :)

Wow, if I let dishwasher liquid fall through a fan will it really blow bubbles?

I certainly relate to a few mis-fits in my life -- not to mention my desires to be a misfit -- and I feel like I'm currently stepping into my power and really finding the places I feel free and most accepted when I'm myself. Less acting. Less people pleasing. I also really identify with the starting over mentality. As I think about my goals and dreams, about where I want to place my attention today or in the short-term, I can accept that the clock really never stopped running. I may have, I may have taken time off or moved away from this or that but it didn't stop life from happening. It's been going on and it will continue to go on.

Ok, lovelies, brace yourself:

Wishing you the courage to work through your fits and starts and to find what are really the best fits for YOU. I hope you also find the JOY in singing, Ob la dee ob la dah, life goes on, LAAAAAAAAA, la la la la life goes on...

Thank you for reading and have a great day today!

xo Lindsay

Space Between Stars

Good morning,

Are you grateful for the spaces you create?

Space in the morning jump started by a vintage clock radio alarm that beeps and gets me out of bed so I write. Writing before anything else.

Space in my apartment to relax, read, write, make a mess, clean it up and decompress. My own space. A space of my own that I can call home.

Space in morning meditation. Feeling a resistance to wanting to fill up with something.

The rain that falls

splash in your heart

ran like sadness down the window

into the space between.

-Dave Matthews

Woah, this is getting deep for a Tuesday morning. Still, that's a beautiful lyric isn't it? Yes yes. Love that song. Continuing...

Space to feel any fear that comes up, triggered most likely by the weather and challenge to travel on my sticks when it's this slippery out. Be careful. Safe, easy travels. Paving a day of ease and flow in the absence of any rush at all. Leaving ample time to get to where I need to go.

Space to change. Creating it by letting go of clutter in the mind, clutter in the heart, clutter in the physical space, on the desk at work -- removing anything unnecessary so that newness and bliss can flow in.

Space, as in, up there where we look out and wonder. That's where the magic and mystery dwell, in cavernous darkness lit up by countless stars in constellations, here to inspire pure awe:

Do you create space for yourself today? Space between the stars that mark your path?

:)

Have a great one!!

Best,

Lindsay

On Being Heard

Good afternoon!

After 38 days on crutches, I decided to treat myself to a 30-minute massage for my back, neck, shoulders and hands. I don't have a go-to masseuse but you can bet your bottom dollar that one day I will because it is such a wonderful way to heal and rest. In NYC you can get them in any price range, really, so it's just a question of taking the time and showing up.

This particular massage therapist had a really loud voice. It was very odd because, well, I was right there and it was just the two of us in a small room at 9:30am on a Sunday. A former version of myself might have either just dealt or waited him out while lowering my own voice in response, indirectly trying to goad him into sotto voce. I didn't even mind the chit chat, frankly, but he was just so loud that in under two minutes of listening I said, Could you please do me a favor and just lower your voice? I was careful not to say I'm sorry ahead of that because, well, what was I really sorry for? My ears? No. Anyway, he was a little offended, I think, because he said that he was trying to speak to me with encouragement which I quickly thanked him for and affirmed. Yes, so far it's been a very encouraging conversation but can we please just do it at a lower volume...

This characterizes how I feel and am acting lately. A little touchy with my professional toucher and some others as well. I have less patience for tolerating what doesn't feel good. I try to make a change right there when it's happening as opposed to procrastinating. I feel a little controlling but I also recognize the importance of offering clear directions to someone who is trying to meet your needs. I didn't jump off the table and be like, This guy sucks, mainly because I can't do much jumping off the table right now, but even if I could've I wouldn't have. Better to just express what I want. He honored me really well and from that point on, we had a very interesting conversation about healing through body work, listening to inner cues about when you need to rest and this mystic he studied with years ago whose name escapes me...

It got me thinking again about listening. Do you notice when you don't listen really closely to your own needs and times when you are just not listening to what a person is saying to you? You may hear them -- you get the audio loud and clear -- but are you really listening? It's not even conscious. I can Yes a person and validate someone but just not really, fully hear them -- usually the challenge comes when what the person is saying doesn't jive with what I want or expect, but is nonetheless their truth or how they feel.

One other topic of interest to me today is acceptance and how nice it feels to be deeply grateful. I don't know about you, but Facebook might be the absolute best barometer I've got these days for my spiritual condition. Sometimes, I am all good and a happy little Status Updater and Commenter. Other times, I can't even go on it because it feels like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (not the Good Charlotte song, my young readers, but the TV show that ran late 80s early 90s) and I hear this little voice inside me say, I want THAT! I look around. This isn't enough. I want more, more, MORE and I want it NOW. Exclamation point. I'm human, which is why I feel no shame as I post write this, and so I know I'm not alone on this one, but blech if I don't tell you how much I detest feeling that way. It's envy.

In Judaism, envy is named in the High Holiday liturgy as "tzarut eyin", which means "narrowness of vision," according to Rabbi David Wolpe. It involves "seeing the world through the constricted vision of one's own desires alone." That's such a powerful interpretation for me as it matches that bodily sensation of narrowness and restriction that I get when I start to feel envious. It is like being disconnected from heart energy or gratitude, and from hope or appreciation. I would say that it's like hypertension, high cholesterol or heart disease -- "the silent killers" -- because you may not know it's there or hear it coming, but it can take you down. Good thing to notice how that emotion registers in you so you can identify it and release it when it comes up.

Let's look at some ways to feed gratitude and starve envy.

• Make a gratitude list. Let's just start with the obvious. It's like inflating the tires on your Schwinn. Pump them back up so you can ride again and at full capacity! Even if this the gazillionth time you've read about gratitude lists, it never hurts to hear it again, right? :) I am going to do mine in a few moments. It starts with the time to cozy up while resting and writing in peace all afternoon. Love it.
• Seduce your ego. Sometimes you just want what you want. Or, the ego does. Comforts. Luxuries. Attention. Accolades. Annnnd, sometimes it just does better to feed that ego with promises and be like, Yes, it's coming. You can chill, ego, because alllll the things that you want to accumulate and believe you need to define you are in fact coming. Tomorrow. Or, in about a week. Or, maybe sometime before year's end. Whatever your ego needs to feel satisfied for the moment, give it to it...with a wink.
• Distract and Substitute. If you've ever spent time around little kids, you know that when you take away something they are sitting with, a little Sponge Bob toy comes to mind for some reason, there could be major crying involved. But, if you are able to distract them and perhaps find a good substitute, they lighten up. Re-engage. Amazing. Same thing with giving yourself a little distraction from the emotion and substituting with whatever you can give yourself that feels better.
• Play the What If game? I love this and here's what I do. I play with What If's. What if I let those feelings go and determined that I have enough as is? What if I desired more for myself, that's fine, but found a way of desiring that doesn't go Fred and Ginger with a deprivation mentality? What if I it's all really enough as is? Just ways of playing and it loosens me up.
• Acceptance. This is how I feel now and even before I shift, I will just sit with the feelings. I will stop going on Facebook the rest of the day if I don't feel like it, no worries. If something is irritating it's best to choose acceptance over resisting what I can't in this moment change.

Oooh, it's raining outside a lot right now and I can see it from my window. I LOVE it!!

This is a long post but I just want to add that right now, in this moment, I feel exceptionally grateful and bountiful and it's not because I just spent the last half an hour reading about the devastation in Pakistan. It's also not because I tried to reach a place of gratitude (although I had a feeling writing about it would be good for me) or because I am currently cozy in my chair with nothing to do but relax and nowhere to go but the recesses of mind and heart, if I choose. (Or, into bed for a nap.) No, I think it's because I am finding the courage to face my life and myself head on, fears and all, joys and all, quirks and all, because that's what I'm here to do. Any comparisons or desires to have another person's life or life path is really just insulting the Source that gave me mine and all I have, and that just doesn't feel good to me at all.

I really quite like what I've got going on. I hope you do, too. Like you, I mean. You don't have to like what I've got going on (but I do hope you enjoy my blog).

Cut to -- sexy woman on horse in a Levi's commercial? Sure!! Why not:

Time to close. I wish you the courage to grab the reins and ride the horse you've been given! Do it with reckless abandon and gratitude. Look up, look out and jump!!

:) Lindsay

ps All the colored phrases/words are hyperlinks. Check them out!

Perspective and Perspicacity

Good morning!

I've been doing a decent to mid-sized amount of lamenting this week over my ankle, the impact of the crutches 0n my sore arms/hands and money issues. Lamenting sounds better than complaining, right? Now, I've got some legitimate claims so I am validating my feelings. I am a big, huge validator. Like Arnold's the Terminator my alter action hero could be The Validator. How do I feel? How do you feel? I hear you. I get it.

I'll be BACK....

...to listen to and validate your feelings.

Well, two friends of mine are dealing with some significant health issues that make my ankle surgery and rehab period look like a hang nail. Seriously. So, I pause here to send them love and light, healing energy and great vibes. I wish for them both to be restored to perfect health and happiness.

I do not wish to lament much more over what I'm going through. My validation fuel tank is also pretty much set for the rest of my ride, thanks to my amazing friends/family and own efforts. I know what I have to do to feel good, heal and support my strength, including getting enough rest and doing some exercises a few times a week which stretch out my body. Mentally, I need to just take it a day at a time while focusing on the big picture and how strong I'm going to be when I'm through healing.

I think any struggle can be dealt with when you see that end result picture in your mind and heart with...

PERSPICACITY!

Tell me that is not one of the coolest words, right? I just heard it recently and it means.

per·spi·cac·i·ty

   [pur-spi-kas-i-tee] Show IPA

–noun

1.

keenness of mental perception and understanding;discernment; penetration.

2.

Archaic . keen vision

Did you hear the audio sample? Just click on the speaker thing :)

I love it. Keen vision. Sharpening up that mental toolset and putting whatever metaphorical contact lens over your mind's eye is necessary to pierce the haze...

I realized last night that I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 17 months. I really was not a heavy or big drinker but did it order to eliminate factors which might have been contributing to depressive and anxious feeling states. My journey in sobriety is actually much more than I bargained for and I am gaining so many tools, not to mention wonderful friends, that really help me react and deal with the world and my circumstances in a sober fashion and with a wise mind. Wise mind is a term by Marsha Linehan, PhD, which she defines as follows:

"Wise mind is that part of each person that can know and experience truth. It is where the person knows something to be true or valid. It is almost always quiet, It has a certain peace. It is where the person knows something in a centered way."

Perspective and perspicacity? To the best of our ability, let's take it!

Have a GREAT day today.

Best,

Lindsay

Dreaming Without A Safety Net

Today's DailyOM is exactly what I needed to hear. I want to share excerpts from it with you:

"As we create the life of our dreams, we often reach a crossroads where the choices seem to involve the risk of facing the unknown versus the safety and comfort of all that we have come to trust."

"When we work from a place of balance and trust in the universe, we may not see our source of support but we can know that it is there...Remove fear from the equation and then, without even wondering what is going on below, we can devote our full attention to the dream that awaits us."

"We can appreciate that sometimes we experience life fully when we are willing to trust and fail. And in doing so, we may just find that we have the wings to fly."

I think of one of my favorite intenSati series that Patricia Moreno created and the affirmation went as follows:

I dare to dream.
I dare to succeed.
I dare to keep the faith.
I dare to believe.

Maybe Truth and Dare were paired together for a reason -- once you know the truth, if you don't dare yourself to go for it, you end up in knots. Yeah, whoever invented that game was onto something!

dream 'til your heart's
content
dream with
patience
kindness
compassion
open yourself to all that you are
stars align in fashion
the right people show up
others disappear
deep intuitive
thoughts and feelings
purpose overcomes
fear.

Lindsay

To The Stage

Good morning!

Yesterday morning, I ended my blog entry with a quote by Lord Byron that said, "Always laugh when you can. It's cheap medicine." Well, the gods of comp tickets heard me and gave me two for the show "Long Story Short", a 75-minute comedic retelling of the history of civilization written and performed by comedian Colin Quinn. It was directed by Jerry Seinfeld. He happened to be there in person last night and walked right past me a few times, as I was seated house right in the front row thanks to my robo-boot and crutches.

He looked great. Jerry Seinfeld, I mean. Small theater -- this is why NYC is very cool, not that this can't happen elsewhere, but since New York is so big and people can keep their anonymity and usually prefer it that way, I always get a little thrill when I see someone whose work I just love. I remember I once saw Gloria Steinem inside the lobby of an off-off Broadway, little known black box theater where a friend of mine was performing. I was carrying the novel Sophie's Choice which I asked her to sign because I had no paper on me. Ms. Steinem said sure and we discussed the book, about which she didn't have the most positive things to say if my memory serves me right.

I had another cool moment yesterday when someone at work gave me an early, yet-to-be published version of Twyla Tharp's book The Collaborative Habit, the follow-up to her best seller The Creative Habit. I started reading it last night while at Cafe Gitane on Mott and Prince before the show. Sometimes you just get into a little place you're like, this is perfect. I had that last night. I was drinking hot peppermint tea, the restaurant was bustling but not to the point of overwhelming crowdedness, and I was in a corner alone and completely loving my life.

What did I think of "Long Story Short"? It was actually very funny. I felt like Jerry had a hand in some of the writing as a lot of the humor could only be described as Seinfeldian with a Quinnian delivery. Mr. Quinn also holds tension in his body and being on stage by himself the whole time means you really connect and can even start to feel it yourself. My acting coach Tom Todoroff would say tension in your body, tension in the audience's body and vice versa -- you're relaxed, so is your audience. It's these elements of performance that you can't really explain but happen and even as Colin Quinn is not an actor he definitely is doing a lot of acting (not just stand up work or a straightforward monologue), including great dialects of nearly every ethnicity and some physical comedy throughout. I think a few really good acting, yoga, dance and intenSati classes would bring him into his body a bit better that would improve the overall experience. That said, he was really great, so funny and on point -- he had me engaged and LOL'ing (yikes, why didn't I just say LAUGHING) for the full hour and 15.

I leave you with two dance montages for your viewing pleasure. The first will certainly kick-start your day. The second will, I can't even describe, it's incredible!!!! ENJOY.

1. Elaine Dances? "Seinfeld" : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQu_NLRvULM

2. Cast of "Movin' Out" perform at 2003 Tony Awards. Choreographed by Twyla Tharp.

Finally, check out my friend and very creative, talented writer/intenSati Leader Amanda Berlin's blog The Thrivivalist. I give an interview on how and why I do my best to thrive each day. I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you for reading and have a great day......

Lindsay

On Crutches and Manners

Good morning,

Since being on crutches for the last one month and two days, I've had this rare opportunity to observe what some would argue is also rare in itself, especially in this city, and that is a good set of...manners.

On the somewhat disappointing side, I've had men and women see me and move about 10 yards across the street or ahead of me so they'd get the first taxi, men who have seen me walking into the cab they are exiting only to leave it with the door open and walk away, and taxi drivers who are chatting on their cell phone and leave me to maneuver myself into the car. There are more stories but you get the point.

On the other crutch, I've had women go out of their way to literally stop walking just to hail me a cab (has not happen yet from a man), countless kind and sympathetic glances followed by, "What happened? You poor thing and in the summer, no less?", which leads to their telling me a story of when they were injured -- ruptured tendons, torn knees, 6 weeks, 5 months on crutches -- and well wishes in both directions. I've experienced plenty of men and women holding doors for me and met generous taxi drivers, one of whom I mentioned a few weeks ago ("I'm sooooo sorry madam for all the drivers in NYC") and another who actually ended up not charging me because he couldn't find the exact place I was looking for in the West Village and he knew I'd have to hobble my to it after getting out of his car.

When you're slightly (but temporarily) incapacitated in this way, it's tempting to be on the lookout for the mannered people and get all pissy about the ones who seem like they are just oblivious.

Which brings me to my little story about what happened yesterday at Oren's Coffee shop on 50th and 3rd Ave. I was writing in my leather-bound journal, a refreshing if slightly sore thumb site amongst all the worker bees on Blackberries, and I was thinking about how to change the way I am thinking about a situation that, if I could just reframe it again, would mean I'd suffer less.

Well, when I was done writing, as if on cue, this guy jumped off the coffee line and was like, May I help you? in this put-on accent (region ?) followed by theatrics that reminded me of the character in "Life is Beautiful" who calls out Principesssssa and performs these silly, little antics. Another man joined in with him and between the two they gallantly handed me my crutches while bantering "You get the door, I'll get the crutch, No, I'll get the crutch and you get the door..." until both of them held the two doors with an elegance you'd expect from a cross between Cary Grant and Ronald McDonald. It was bizarre. I was tired. Whatever or whoever they were, they got me laughing, and I went on my way after thanking them, even as I was a little embarrassed at the scene they created.

What I realize is that some people will be mannered and others won't, just like on some days I have better manners (towards others and myself) than other days. I also discovered that my walking around as if I'm waiting to get mad at people who don't act nice to me is just not feeling like a healthy place to be.

The bottom line, honestly, and I know it must vary for everybody who has ever been on crutches, is that I really hate it. I hate it right now so much because it's just nauseating to me to have such limited movement. I finished my medication two days ago and thought the nausea I'd been feeling would pass but it hasn't, which leads me to believe it might just be the stress I'm feeling from all this. So, as it's really tiring and very uncomfortable on my back, shoulders, hands and butt from all this sitting and elevating at my desk at weird angles, I am left with the responsibility of managing my feelings.

I really don't have a choice right now with the situation so all I can do is choose how I react to it, right? Right. :) I think that, as bizarre as I felt being Principessad at Oren's yesterday, that kind of mindset is exactly how I need to be treating myself right now. I need to ask myself -- perhaps by grabbing my attention in whatever way works best -- what I can do to make things easier, help myself, love myself, honor and care for my sore muscles and occasionally sunken mood. I need to be the one who has the really good manners towards myself, effective immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8r6Vqcjoqg&feature=related :)!

I'll close with a couple of quotes I just found on the subject of healing:

"True health is the harmony of life within us, consisting of peace of mind, happiness and well-being. It is not merely a question of physical fitness, but is rather a result of the soul finding free expression through the mind and body of the individual." — Dr. Randolph Stone

The exceptional patient is the person who, despite their diagnosis, takes charge of their health and decides to be responsible to their illness or their condition and not necessarily feel responsible for it. One stance is drenched in blame and the other is full of power."— Christiane Northrup, MD

"Always laugh when you can. It's cheap medicine." — Lord Byron

Thanks and xo,

Lindsay

Bold and Beautiful

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, BEGIN IT. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." -Goethe

Good morning!!

Yesterday, I boldly asked for what I desire and received an affirmative, YES! I asked to write another post for www.bbcamerica.com on the subject of UK music. The result? Check it out!

This is a post from Anglophenia contributor Lindsay Davis, bringing you some of the hottest tunes from across the pond. http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/23/anglophenia.jsp

I am deeply, deeply grateful. I am singing-at-the-top-of-my-lungs grateful. I am put-me-in-a- cheerleader-uniform-and-I'll-tumble-or-do-an-aerial grateful. I am writing about one of my passions for a major media outlet! I am writing, writing, writing and I love it, love it, love it!

I also took a voice lesson last night, my first with Richard Dorr of the Vocal Arts Foundation, and it was amazing. I will be tuning in to new sounds. Shhhhh. Open your ears. What's going on right now around you? What hum? What melody? Hear it.

Have a great day today! I send you loving support and encourage your intention to fulfill your dreams and desires!

Whew.

Lindsay

Sound Steps

Good morning! Monday.........

Little actions add up -- the good ones and the less healthy ones as well. I'm up for cultivating more of the former today...

I do ankle exercises each morning and night for healing and strength following surgery that was exactly one month ago on July 16th. I can appreciate that the tiny little circling, pointing and flexing is having a positive effect that I can't really gauge or see just yet, but I know it's happening.

I am going tonight to take my first voice lesson in months with a new teacher, Richard Dorr, from the Vocal Arts Foundation in Manhattan. People keep suggesting I pick up an instrument to help with my song writing -- yes, yes, yes keyboard or guitar -- but I really want to get my voice cooking because that's what I'm ready for now. So, I'll taking a little one hour step tonight.

Taking any step in the direction of a passionate life you love is so worth it -- drops in the bucket definitely add up, don't they? -- and I suggest being mindful and appreciative of the ones you take throughout the day.

Finishing up here with a cool song I like...it's called "Music" by Joss Stone and features Lauren Hill (but not in this version). This performance is set in Borders. It's a very young, natural and sweet Joss Stone singing acoustic against a backdrop of books. I like. :) Also appropriate because yesterday night I found total, deep relaxation for the first time all weekend (!) by just propping up my feet and reading a huge, hard-covered novel called...

Anthropology of An American Girl http://www.anthropologyofanamericangirl.com/

It's over 500 pages so I'm just taking it one, small, real paper page at a time. I really have no cares at all how long it takes to finish. Just grateful I have it by my bedside to enjoy! Doesn't it feel great to have things in your life that have no deadline either externally or internally imposed?

Here's the song "Music" -- ENJOY!!

Music, I'm so in love with my music. The way you keep me movin'...

That sound so sweet because the beat just inspires me...

x Lindsay

Lit In A New Light

Good morning!

It was nice while it lasted. Central Park intenSati was blissful (picture proof in case you doubt my word for any reason) and 12 of us took our field trip to the Ziegfeld to watch EPL. I kicked back, propped my leg, and melted into the movie just as I hoped and expected I would, making a concerted effort not to criticize the acting or script but just be pleased, moved and fed. It worked. I loved the experience of watching the movie and typing little quotes and nuggets into my iPhone. I liked watching how beautiful Julia looked in her little Saris and how breathtaking a site Javier Bali Bardem was. As I told one of my friends yesterday, my Hollywood crushes used to be of the fem' variety. Andrew McCarthy in "Pretty in Pink", for example, or Johnny Depp -- pretty boys, if you will -- but clearly taste shifts. The shot of the hunky, sexy, beasty, MAN Javier lounging with spectacles and a book in his hand (what was he reading? mystery) with what I think was a French jazz song in the background elicited a collective gasp from the sparse audience (at 12:30 the number of people in the theater could've fit in my living room) and I was a part of that wave. The shots of Julia going to town in Italy didn't disappoint, either. Think Napoleans, pappardelle, spaghetti, thin-crust pizza with bubbling cheese and deep red wine, mmmmmm...

I was reminded of the messages I took from reading the book (which, actually, was a planned "offering" as EG calls it. Viking partially subsidized her trip so she was writing with the intention to publish) such as the need for forgiveness of oneself and others to move on and heal wounds, the discovery and realization of God within, a need to recover your belief in love if you've been hurt and scarred from past relationships, the power of writing to help you understand yourself, the importance of meditation and the ultimate relief one can get by taking a giant (Does it have to be expensive? If you summed up how much she spent between the 3 countries it would probably be what I make in a year.) hiatus from your life in order to gain fresh, new perspectives and a clearer head.

So, when I woke up this morning and the buzz I felt yesterday seemed like it was absorbed by my patch-quilt overnight while I slept, I had to ask myself why. Then I had to ask the internet. What I found was a really interesting article on the online site Bitch Magazine (dot org) that criticizes "priv-lit" as embodied by Eat, Pray, Love and the self-help enlightenment movement spearheaded by Oprah Winfrey. I will be quoting from it a few times in italics from this source, the article entitled, "Eat, Pray, Spend. Priv-lit and the new enlightened American Dream" by Joshunda Sanders and Diana Barnes-Brown found here http://bitchmagazine.org/article/eat-pray-spend.

Eat, Pray, Love and its positioning as an Everywoman’s guide to whole, empowered living embody a literature of privilege and typify the genre’s destructive cacophony of insecurity, spending, and false wellness...

“Live your best life!” Oprah Winfrey intones on her show, on her website, and in her magazine, with exhausting tenacity. Eat kale*. Lose weight. Invest in timeless cashmere. Find the perfect little black dress. But though Oprahspeak pays regular lip service to empowerment, much of Winfrey’s advice actually moves women away from political, economic, and emotional agency by promoting materialism and dependency masked as empowerment, with evangelical zeal.

*What is it with kale?? Very popular these days and I've brought it into my apartment for two weeks straight now but have yet to cook it more than once. It's quite sharp to the taste buds. I think a part of me is curious how long kale lasts before it turns. It seems to have a very long shelf life. It looks at me from my refrigerator's second shelf as if to say, I am indestructible. Eat me...I think kale is the new spinach or anti-kryptonite, which would make those who eat it the new Pop Eye or Superman, Re-imagined. This helps explains its popularity, I'm sure.)

There was this moment in the film when EG makes her first two self-help book purchases in the aftermath of her painful decision to divorce her husband (the handsome, egotistical pastry chef very well-played by Billy Crudup). I think one was called From Crappy to Happy. It was a moment that of course relates to the millions of women (myself very much included) who have picked up self-help, personal, spiritual growth resources in the hopes of finding answers to one's problems, insights that perhaps we'd glean over time but perhaps unconsciously would like to acquire by doing less work and instead witnessing someone else's painful journey of soul searching and healing. Growth by osmosis. Yet, to refer back to this Bitch Mag article,

Self-improvement culture in general has the contradictory effect of undermining self-assurance by suggesting that all of us are in need of constant, effortful (and often expensive) improvement. There is the danger of over-investing in this literature not only financially, but also psychologically.

Fascinating. This is how I felt about the culture of therapy and treatment of "mental illness" and addiction. When I was first being treated for "depression" and an "eating disorder" in college by a nutritionist, doctor and therapist, I thought the approach and discourse of diagnostic criteria was absolutely appalling and falsely lead me to believe I was very, very "sick" and needed the kind of help reserved for people with advanced psychosis. The self-help books were actually a relief for me and an empowered space, comparatively, but now that years have gone by, I can even see how the many books I've embraced may have been hindering my growth. Namely, by the distancing of myself from my own opinions, thoughts and insights, and a reliance upon others as a source or authority for truth as well as reinforcing a belief that I am perpetually in need of help.

What if I actually woke up one Sunday morning in my apartment and instead of popping open my laptop with the intention to FIX myself vis a vis my writing -- and yes, that is always there in the back of mind, this notion of uncovering some more truth or doing a good job of healing or expressing, something that will help me grow because I need to grow, some writing that will help me improve because I need to improve in wisdom and intelligence -- what if, I only woke up on Sunday morning, or any morning, to just greet the world.

What if my belief, my underlying belief, was that I am whole now. That I am, after all these years and all this work, pretty much fine. Perfect? No. Who is. That my growth can happen naturally over time and without fierce intentions.

I think I'd enjoy myself more. I think I'd enjoy my breakfast coffee and oat bran a lot more.

Balance was mentioned a few times in the film yesterday, once even defined as (and I know bc I typed it onto my iPhone), "balance is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself" which is beautiful, isn't it? Yes, but I'm digressing and it doesn't really have to do w/ what I'm talking about right now :)

Balance with respect to the kinds of self help resources I seek and self analysis I do, balance between saying, Yes, I need to analyze this and No, there's really nothing to say or think about, in fact, its probably best I don't do either but just go about my life...

If more women become willing to put aside their fears, open their eyes to cost-free or inexpensive paths to wellness, and position themselves as essentially worthy instead of deeply flawed, priv-lit could soon migrate to a well-deserved new home: the fiction section. And once that happens, we might just succeed in showing that for every wealthy and insecure woman who can pony up to reach great heights of self and spending, there are thousands more whose lives are comparatively uncharmed, who are happier working with creative and healthy alternatives instead of spending on what they’re terrorized into wanting, and whose stories will, someday, be valued for the strength they communicate, not the fantasies they sell.

The fiction section. Fantasies. I don't know. That's really harsh. Certainly the movie version of EPL does feel like it can be a fantasy but the book did not have that same effect on me at all. It felt honest and it felt probably at the time. That self discovery and the necessary healing can bring about a transformation that results in greater love and happiness in one's life. That's all I am really seeking, I think, and I do not believe I have to run to three countries to achieve this, much as I would like to test my Italian (studie tres semestre in l'scuola) and spend a month in Bali (no Javier Bardemlike guy is necessary). I have no desire to go to India right now. I really just want another cup of coffee and to go meet my friends today.

Have a beautiful Sunday!!!!

xo Lindsay