Purpose Not Prozac

“To have a purpose and a mission for me has been really special,” he said. “It probably has added days to my life.” -Gordon Murray

Gordon Murray is a retired banker (he was a bond salesman at Goldman Sachs and then a managing director Lehman Brothers and Credit Suisse) and author of the book, The Investment Answer: Learn To Manage Your Money and Protect Your Financial Future, which he co-authored with his financial adviser friend, Daniel Goldie. Murray also has brain cancer. The prognosis is bleak and he's stopped seeking treatment. As the cancer entered its final stages, Murray made a decision to write a book and pass on what he's learned after years in wealth management.

I was struck by this profile of Mr. Murray in today's New York Times, not only because it allowed me to feel deep sympathy and admiration for a Wall Street banker, a group for which I admittedly tend to lack a soft spot, but because it showed me another window into a soul who made the decision to pass on ideas and experience through the written word. It also struck me how if someone can squeeze a book out in a very short time while facing the stress of impending death from a brain tumor, what's my excuse? Really. If you know you have a certain amount of time to live it might create a fire in the belly, so maybe my reasoning is off in this case, but my guess is that not everybody can be so strong.

Either way, what Murray discovered in himself is a purpose and as he stated above, another reason to live. He is spending his remaining time on earth living with as opposed to dying from the disease. I think about people I know who are close to me and survivors of heart disease, cancer and other illnesses -- I am reminded of what may be keeping them here, the something(s) or someone(s) they love so very deeply and feel needed by in return.

I saw Love and Other Drugs last night, a film starring Anne Hathaway with another high-stakes scenario. Anne's character, Maggie Murdock, isn't dying but she does have Parkinson's disease. The year is 1996 and there is no cure. Enter Pfizer pharmaceutical salesman, Jamie Randall, played with cocky appeal by Jake Gylenhaal, and a love story ensues. Will he love her even though she's sick? Does he fall in love with her because she is sick and needing someone, thus giving him a purpose that feels more esteemable than selling Zoloft and Viagra? Will her sickness get in the way of his love for her? I liked the movie a lot but I did feel myself driving my car off the highway at the feminism exit ramp as I became increasingly hot and bothered that I was watching yet another romanticization of a sick female being rescued by a man. A lot of female characters in big budget Hollywood films are either very neurotic, miserable, and f'd up in some way shape or form until Dr. Feel Good comes in on a white horse to heal their pain, balance them out or restore them to some semblance of normalcy. It's trite, it's cliche and it keeps sending people the message that external love, or, romantic love is The Answer. It's not. Not every woman who needs a healing needs it in vis-a-vis the Great Love of their life. Maybe I needed to be reminded of that myself last night.

I want to write more but I'm heading to the gym for a 10am Powerstrike class. I hear it's an intense, cardio, meditative jab-jab-kick-step workout, so I'm going to give it a try!!

Wishing you wellness and a peaceful day today.

xo,

Lindsay

Everything In Between

"We are fierce warriors, gentle nurturers, and everything in between." - Peter A. Levine

I love this line and it speaks to opening up to the totality of who we are and what we each possess. Maybe you are more the fierce warrior, taking your great strides with gusto, overcoming obstacles and achieving, achieving, achieving your goals.

Or, perhaps you err more on the side of the gentle nurturer, living from a place of soft strength and giving, giving, giving your love.

In between is everything. I want to honor the everything, up to and including the times we feel immobilized or stalled. It is normal to have a kind of reaction to events or stimuli that results in immobility, especially if the stimulating event feels threatening. In his book, Waking the Tiger, the author cited above discusses the "fight" or "flight" response and then brings in a third reaction -- the "freeze". This kind of paralysis can actually be evolutionarily adaptive for animals in the wild because while "playing dead" a predator can be deterred. What's interesting is what happens when the animal wakes up from the freeze state. He could get a little hyper, a little freaky freaky -- think of a bird (the author mentions pigeons, specifically) kind of spazzing around having just been let out of a cage or trap.

There is more. The author writes specifically about healing trauma, which he defines more broadly than most psychologists, and to him includes anything that brings about traumatic symptoms (such as anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, increased sensitivity to threats) and may include accidents, falls, illnesses and surgeries. If one's been traumatized and didn't resolve it completely, there is a tendency to perceive events in the present moment as being more threatening than they actually are in reality. We might think that we're definitely going to fail or lose or be abandoned or experience harm. Then, we may go into a "freeze" response but this is all being completely generated from within.

This can explain a lot of things, from procrastination to addiction, because if we are biologically or innately programmed to have a "freeze" response to threat and we think that a change (even if it's a good change, something we desire) may feel scary, we'll pause. We will sabotage the change we want to create, the good we know we deserve, by avoiding the unfamiliar and scary. Or, if we ever learned to "freeze" in response to a trauma, we may experience bouts of awakening that resemble that spazzy pigeon. It becomes necessary to learn to shake and dispel that energy in a way that doesn't cause harm but is healthy and restorative.

This is deep stuff. I think what I continue to find illuminating is how much human beings create within the minds, as well as what we can learn to counter-act old, deep seated patterns of either genetically predisposed or learned behavior. We can transform through our thinking -- it keeps coming back to this again and again -- but I believe it takes a lot of awareness and definitely a willingness to be uncomfortable, which, by the way, is definitely one of my greatest hurdles. Tolerance, bring it! :)

A wealth of information can be discovered by tuning into the sensations of your body and feeling your feelings. This, as opposed to trying to displace, replace and get rid of what's going on or cover it up with a false front. You're just being real, so be it.

Finally, I just want to mention love. For me, love is like one big Crayola box and each crayon is a different manifestation of it. I love my parents, I love the cozy socks I am wearing right now, I love my intenSati students, I love the way a hot shower feels after an amazing, Chinese bodywork massage on the cheap, I love hearing someone speak their truth...If you haven't taken a love inventory recently, I suggest it. It's kinda fun to see what and who ends up on your list. See how detailed and specific you can get. I was listening to my friend talk last night and she says "Ummm, you know" a lot and in this cadence that is so specific to her in the cutest way. I love it.

I wish you an abundance of love as you walk through your life today, ever the fierce warrior, gentle nurturer and one who is everything in between.

xo,

Lindsay

Perfect Pitch

Good morning!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

First, let me start off by saying Thank You for reading Lindspiration. If you are a loyal reader -- thank you. If you're a brand new reader -- thank you (and welcome!). If you stop by every once in a while to check in -- thank you. I am so grateful that you read my writing and support this blog, which is absolutely hands down one of the things for which I am most grateful in my life today. I don't always reply to your comments/emails but I read and appreciate each and every time you contribute. It feels so great -- thank you!

I had a really amazing Thanksgiving Eve. I cleaned out the turkey like an ole' pro. I had memories of dissecting a frog in bio and being the first one in my class to find the brain (show off). I figured out a clever way to allow for the brine to cover the entire turkey while still using the requisite 2 gallons of water (I bunched the brine bag towards the top, tied it with my hair rubber band, and stuck it in a pan so the water raised like the tide.) It's my first turkey. As far as I'm concerned, if it's edible and you can't carve "I Heart T'G" into a piece of burnt dark meat, I'm a success.

I was watching a program on PBS last night that chronicles the life and work of presidential photographers. It was a fascinating show! I stopped watching for a while and when I turned the TV back on, the program playing was none other than the Sondheim Birthday Gala, a special evening of Sondheim songs performed by some of the greatest musical theater talents in the world. Bernadette Peters, Audra McDonald, Patti Lupone, Elaine Stritch, Mandy Patenkin, David Hyde Pierce...the list goes on and what it most exciting is that, well, I'm on it! Sort of. In very small font, perhaps 6.5 Verdana as compared to the aforementioned 24 New Times Roman.

Lindsay Davis

Yes, I performed in that show at Lincoln Center! I sang with a choir of NYC singers, many of them musical theater artists who've appeared on Broadway or regionally. I had not seen the performance nor did I expect it to come on, so when it did last night, I was giddy. It was especially cool since I had taken a voice lesson earlier so I was in the spirit. I've got to tell you, this singing thing is no joke. It really does feel like I am learning a sport all over again and I can't say it's coming as naturally as soccer or basketball. Training the voice is all about developing these muscles in the back of my throat and learning how to properly support the sounds using them and my breath.

So, something happened last night during my lesson that I want to share. I was not hitting a note exactly on pitch. I wasn't even "a quarter pitch under" like I am sometimes. In this case, I was a micropitch under, which, my teacher explained, can kill an otherwise beautiful aria. Not that I anticipate singing arias anytime soon, but I wanted to get it right. He kept repeating the note I was missing by lightly tapping it on the piano. It was a high note.

With each stroke, I started to lose my concentration and there was feeling that I can't describe (but I'll try) of trying to replicate the note I was hearing perfectly in my head and get it out through my voice, which was not perfect. The oddest thing then happened. I was so touched by the simple sound of one note, I actually started to cry (from its beauty?). From that point on, I really couldn't concentrate and after a few more times, we abandoned the exercise, for now...

I have a poster in my room -- a black-and-white photo of a baby grand piano positioned on a beach with waves crashing against its legs and a starry-skied backdrop. It's a little cheesy but there is this quote which says, "Music happens where heaven meets earth." I agree.

What are you tuning into?

Thanksgiving, as I wrote about yesterday, is a holiday for celebrating gratitude and the abundance in our lives. Of course, if we feel sadness, lack, grief over love lost, resentment, or anxiety, it's important to feel them. Pause. Maybe write a few lines in our journal. Breathe deeper into the emotion. Release. I think my crying yesterday over not getting that note just right was about more than just the note. It spoke to my illusion of perfection and happiness, what it means to get there, when the reality is the difference is you don't have to hit a perfect pitch to be happy.

You don't have to get the note exactly right to be perfect. You are perfect as is!!

This morning, I feel grateful for my past, which taught me the most important lesson of how to be a human being and LOVE myself and other people in their humanity, whether they are micro, quarter, half, or full steps over or under a note. What a gift. Of course I go to judgment and criticism sometimes, we all do, but I know how to get to appreciation now thanks to being taught how to pay attention to gratitude.

I am grateful for counting my blessings by slowing down.

I am grateful for learning to love my life with an open heart.

I am grateful for speaking my truth to the best of my ability and to the people who listen.

Most important, I am grateful for the people who love me. It is so much about quality and not quantity in my book (and on my blog) and I am reminded of my uncle who used to tell me, "Linds, if you can count the people with whom you share LOVE and TRUST on one hand, you're lucky." Well, I think I have two hands full. I am lucky and grateful.

I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Best,

Lindsay

Full Waddle

Life is not a spectator sport. If you're going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion you're wasting your life.

-Jackie Robinson

I won't be watching someone cook a turkey this year. Oh no. I won't be showing up to someone else's house, plopping my well-toned rear on the couch and heading up to the dining room when dinner is ready. Nah-ah. I won't be ordering from a waiter/waitress at a Manhattan restaurant. Nope, nope, nope...

Instead, for the first time in my life, I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner. With my brother! There is a turkey in my refrigerator along with ingredients to stuff it with (i.e. a quince is a neon yellow fruit, juniper berries are not found in the fruit section but on the spice rack, and bay leaves do in fact exist and were not my typo for basil leaves.). There are sweet potatoes, butternut squash soup (pre-made Trader Joe's for $2.59!), salad materials, and a box of stuffing to prepare. Across town, my brother is making a string bean casserole from scratch. Dessert will be purchased. Why? Remember the owl that used to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Ok, well that could be me with a bowl of home made dessert batter and I simply do not want to fly down that road.

Hopefully my brother texted my mom to make her asparagus side dish.

Hopefully, hopefully, when I clean the gizzards (?) of the turkey out in a few hours, I won't become so repulsed as to be turned off to the delicious feast we're going to create. I'm optimistic but I may blog again to get through it...

A turkey in a great animal and cooking it is a metaphor for jumping into life! I know a turkey's wings are not made for flying but for frying (let's say in a healthy oil such as olive or cold-pressed unrefined sunflower) and I guess there are more inspiring birds to celebrate but think about it -- turkeys are our meat of choice on a day which celebrates nothing but gratitude and abundance.

I am grateful for the turkey that gave his hormone-free, grass fed life to Murray's before finding his way into my fridge and, if all goes well, onto my table in 24 hours.

As for cooking it, well, yes. This incentive speaks to my wanting to be more involved in life. I'm hardly what you'd call a spectator but there are still things I want to do that I shy away from. This Thanksgiving dinner is a statement of my intention to go all out -- full waddle.

I mean full throttle.

Sometimes we miss the obvious. When it comes to gratitude and abundance, we miss ways to feel good now by focusing on what is lacking in our lives or ourselves, as opposed to what is here. Oh, do we miss the riches. My wise friend shared this with me today:

Maybe you can love fully in this moment

have a full unfettered life

live full out

be fully present to each person and moment in your day

TODAY.

Live today fully alive!

Don't wait in some dead space where your life is on hold.

Ooosh. The dead space where life is on hold. That is harsh! It is cold in there, as opposed to in that warm oven (slow roast at 275 degrees for two hours before removing foil, raise to 375 degrees for about an hour and 45 minutes while basting every 30 min) where you are able to appreciate reality.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Eve!! Talk to you soon. :)

Lindsay

Digital Diet

Good morning!

Last night, I sat down and did some undisturbed reading for about two hours. I read an article in the New York Times called "Growing up Digital, Wired for Distraction", which is about how being on line all the time or using your cell phone to text, IM and email diminishes attention span. It follows a high school teen who is doing poorly in school but otherwise has a very productive life on line and using technology -- he makes and edits his own digital films, has many friends and followers on FB/Twitter, and is fully engaged, able to focus and passionate about online content. When it comes to school, however, he avoids doing homework in order to, for example, watch clips on YouTube, about which he says, "On YouTube, “you can get a whole story in six minutes. A book takes so long. I prefer the immediate gratification.”

Ok. Another teen told the Times about Facebook, "I know I can read a book, but then I’m up and checking Facebook,” he says, adding: “Facebook is amazing because it feels like you’re doing something and you’re not doing anything. It’s the absence of doing something, but you feel gratified anyway."

So, this conversation about what is gratifying in the moment and whether it has any meaning or purpose, as opposed to things that are satisfying after a longer-term effort and may take more patience to achieve, is very interesting to me. I relate to tech over usage -- I definitely feel like I text/email too much and spend too much time on Facebook for whatever in the moment pleasure it brings -- and the way it pulls me away from other things I love, such as reading books.

I find it harder to get through books than ever before, which is troubling to me. It's not just that I lack the time. It's that I waste some of the precious time I have in order to join conversations on Facebook and, at the risk of calling up a "Duh!" from you, my loyal readership, I must say that --

Facebook is not a book.

I know it's about balance. I don't use Facebook just for entertainment, but that's probably its best purpose at the end of the day. I also use it for professional networking, to motivate my fitness students to come to class, and to catch up with people I don't get to see in my day-to-day life. That said, I am feeling like there is so much information, content and stimulation that it really does distract me from other important things I want and need to focus on in my own life.

I am going on a digital diet. Here is my strategy:

• I am going to check my phone less and only if it vibrates (bringing my attention to a message).
• I am going to spend less time on Facebook and resist keeping it open throughout the day at my office.
• If something can be accomplished on the phone, as opposed through 10 emails back-and-forth, I will make the call.
• I will carry a book with me in my bag. The NYC Public transportation system is a book lover's best friend.
• If I am spending time on line, I will do my best to stay with one page as opposed to jumping around and between topics at speed, as I have a tendency to do.

I will report back on how this is going in a few days. If you have made any changes to your online habits, I would love to hear about them so feel free to comment here or email me at lindspiration@gmail.com. Thanks and have a great Monday!

xo Lindsay

Talk To Me (On My Boat)

"Whatever fear invents,

I swear it makes no sense."

-Peter Gabriel

Good morning!

A few months ago, I laid out a clear intention here on my blog. I said I want to meet my soul mate...by Labor Day. (Nothing like throwing a hard and fast deadline on something as Universally driven as meeting one's soul mate, but we can talk about the desire for control another time.) Implicit in my statement is the belief that they exist -- souls and soul mates who manifest the deepest love that can be shared between two people. When I was about 19 or 20, I read Thomas Moore's book Care of the Soul and doggy eared every other page. I felt the relationship with my best childhood female friend was captured by Montaigne's quote, "A single soul dwelling in two bodies" and I am a Gemini, represented by the twins, which raises my tendency to be drawn to pairs, binaries, and dualities. Compliments, too.

We're entering the time of year that brings people together, whether around a Thanksgiving table or awkward company Christmas party. Holiday specials will run across the TV, giving us a full fictionalized and true-but-stranger-than fiction range of the human experience, from the comedic (how do you spell relief?) to the idealized, romanticized family life and everything in between. It will awaken in some people deep gratitude for the bonds in their lives. For others, it will awaken acute feelings of isolation, grief over the loss of family members or past relationships, and longing for something other than the sound of a person asking, Can you please pass the cranberry sauce?

What I feel might be triggered as the holiday crowds thicken on street corners and in long shopping lines, and what lies at the core of our disturbance ANY time of the year, really, is the unquenched thirst of the soul to be seen.

How else is the soul seen but by being heard?

Yesterday, I watched the concert video of Peter Gabriel's song "Come Talk to Me" (from a 2003 live performance in Milan) about 5 times. It is a gorgeous and I think heart wrenching song he wrote for his daughter in 1992. "Come Talk to Me" captures something so honest about how people relate and as the song progresses you just feel the dance of intimacy between Peter and the singer Paula Cole. Two people pleading -- Please, come talk to me -- even as they remain apart. What keeps people apart (other than in this case a handset tethered by a long cord to a pay phone base? You'll see what I mean in a second. If it were that simple, cell phones would've brought people closer.)

What keeps people from the intimacy of soul to soul sharing?

Think of how many powerful stories are founded upon the burning desire of one character asking another to come talk to me, please, the compliment of which is: listen to me.

Please, come listen to me.

You can feel when someone is pushing through their own fear to express themselves. When done with good intention, I think that is one of the most beautiful aspects of human nature. Yet, despite the beauty and relief in the release, we give ourselves and our souls away by avoiding intimacy or diving into it with false friends.

Without proper mates of the soul to share with, we remain, well, hungry. We live in unfulfilled longing, imagining, waiting, setting time table deadlines for finding The One, pining, picking up substitutes for a soul mate connection in things as basic as bread, because, in essence, we really aren't satisfied until we are practicing intimacy. I'm not going all Jerry-McGuire-You-Complete-Me on you, but part of the journey to wholeness involves the extent to which we allow ourselves to open up to intimacy with other people.

I don't really know if we have the perfect complimentary soul to our own but what I do know is that when I think of the word "mate" I don't think of just two people hanging out on a boat. Shipmates traverse the high seas in groups, packs and posses. So, maybe we really have many soul mates throughout our lifetime and as the explorer can't fulfill his mission while anchored, we as human beings must be out in the world open to connect with people, perhaps as many as we are willing to encounter. Maybe what matters most is that we love the boat.

Woooooahhhhhh, woooooooh, ha ha ha...

:) Happy Sunday!

Linds

Pre-Existing Conditions

Good morning!

I follow a blog called Eating Disorders Coalition News and Information, which is the companion blog for the Eating Disorders Coalition, a group based in Washington DC whose mission is, "To advance the federal recognition of eating disorders as a public health priority." The group is doing exciting work, including lobbying Congress and Michelle Obama's office for the inclusion of eating disorders in her "Let's Move!" campaign to end childhood obesity. The effort was successful, at least based on First Lady Obama's response, which was that she would broaden their message to include information about eating disorders as appropriate. Excellent. It's a start.

More recently, the EDC's been involved in a debate involving insurance policy. Have you heard the term "pre-existing condition"? In insurance lingo-land, a pre-existing condition is an illness or injury that precludes your being awarded a benefit or even being accepted onto a plan. When I went to the Renfrew Center's outpatient facility in New York City in 2005, I did an intensive (I just wrote intenSati by accident. Yeah, I guess I wish I was doing intenSati in 2005 as opposed to sitting around a table at Renfrew eating take-out dinners and analyzing the meaning of the small object I made with chartruse clay during art therapy. Not that there is anything wrong with art therapy! (Just 2005 Renfrew, in my view.) After completing the program (or maybe dropping out, I can't remember) I was informed that my insurance would not cover the $2000 fee because of my pre-existing condition, which was the eating disorder for which I was seeking help. Again.

The insurance company didn't exactly award my persistent effort to get better vis a vis different treatment modalities or centers. They just saw me as expensive.

SO, the GOOD news I want to share is the EDC is working with the Office of Consumer Information and Insurance Oversight at the Department of Health and Human Services on the successful implementation of the health care reform law, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (ACA), a provision of which is something called the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan (PCIP). The EDC describes the PCIP as a plan which:

* Offers coverage of mental health services including eating disorders as a required benefit.

* Will cover a broad range of health benefits, including primary and specialty care, hospital care, in and out-patient services, and residential treatment.

* Doesn’t charge you a higher premium just because of your medical condition.

There are eligibility requirements (you're a US citizen, have been uninsured for at least 6 months and previously denied insurance due to a pre-exisiting condition) but they aren't very strict. As far as pre-existing condition policy in general, more GOOD news -- the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act signed into law in March 2010 eliminated pre-existing condition requirements imposed by health plans. As of 2010, it applies to children u-19 years old but, and I wince as I write this, the less than stellar news is this policy won't kick in for adults until 2014. Come on.

If Congress can eliminate pre-existing condition policy, albeit with the implementation speed and swiftness of a truck of sandbags, I propose eliminating your pre-existing condition personal policy. What do I mean? I'm not sure. I'm figuring that out as I blog here. :) I think what I mean is the kind of rationalizations, excuses and justifications we sometimes use -- I sometimes use -- that prevent growth! Well, I grew up this way, I've been acting like this for my whole life, I haven't been able to do it yet, etc., etc., etc.

Instead of lamenting your past and using it as a way to explain why you're not going to grow, wy not use it to your BENEFIT. When we deeply accept our past and previous experiences, understanding that they lead us to exactly where we are today, we enter our lives from a place of strength.

I am actually starting to believe that HAPPINESS is our pre-existing condition and then we learn all these ways to block it over the course of our lives. Then, at some point we wake up and we're like, Wtf, I'm not happy and I want to be, so perhaps we begin to go to therapy, get a life coach (or just get a life), try new revolutionary fitness modalities like intenSati(!), pursue passionate lines of work that inspire you and others, etc., and what makes the most sense to me is that you are just waking up the source of happiness that's been buried.

Yes. Happiness is your pre-existing condition. So whatever may be sitting on top of it -- fear, complaints, a case of the I'm not enoughs, resentments, an insecurity complex, cravings, or numbness at the expense of your tv, internet or mobile device -- I hope you can let go today!!

Sometimes all it takes is a little shake to wake up the happiness inside you! The book I'm reading, The Writing Warrior, speaks to the value of shaking your body to release writers block and certainly intenSati does a whole lotta shaking!

:) Have a great day,

Lindsay

Who's Your Guru?

Good morning!

I want to begin by saying Thank You to everybody who commented, sent me emails, dropped messages on Facebook and/or spoke to me in person about my last post, "Of Course". Probably the responses which were the most common were that yes, we are all our own gurus with the ability to guide ourselves from within and yes, I have enough material in me and through this blog to write a book. Towards both ends, I've now tattooed "Who's your guru?" on my bum and begun working on my book proposal. Ok, the tattoo is just a rebel fantasy but as for my book, yes, it's on the way!

I've been mindful of when I feel in flow as opposed to when I practice a grit-my-teeth-and-haul-&$#*-grrrrr-up-the-mountain kind of attitude. Feeling at ease -- shout out to Erin Stutland whose intenSati series this month kicks off with "What I used to think was hard is now easy to do!"-- does not preclude working hard or taking actions. I've talked about releasing attachment to results (which actually creates resistance and blocks accomplishment) and realize freedom comes when you let go of hyper outcome assessing, which is a lot like o.c.d. for the ego. It's constant checking of status: How am I doing? How do I look? How do I sound? What's the result? Am I closer? Is it here yet?

Leave your status updates for Facebook!

If you are in that mode you are surely out of the game of staying present. I know it's not easy (ha! see, it's how I talk to myself, sometimes). Yesterday, I did intenSati in the early morning, worked a full day, went to a voice lesson and then somehow got to a bikram yoga studio because I felt so tight and needed a good stretch. (Note to self: Bikram yoga is a lot more than a good stretch. If a small 2-seater plane is a "good stretch" then bikram is like a 747 jumbo jet with loud engines, many seats and salty peanuts for an in-flight snack.) I was straddling between just showing up with quiet, joyful devotion and the mind chatter that was demanding progress assessments.

So the intention is to live in "easy does it but do it" with a connection to your inner guru who is validating the whole shebang. :) As you become more aware of the traps of your ego and release them, your work becomes that which it was born in you to be -- a labor of LOVE. Through love and practice, your level of craftsmanship will inevitably elevate and that will bring pleasure and a sweet sense of accomplishment.

I came across this video while searching for a song and found both these women -- CNN's Becky Anderson and the Queen Rania of Jordan -- really inspirational. Enjoy:

I am teaching intenSati class at 9am tomorrow at Equinox (Columbus Circle). I have guest passes so if you are not a member and want to come to class, no problem at all, just email me! Have a great day and TGIFFFFF!

With xo and gratitude,

Lindsay

Of Course

Good morning!

Last night, I met up with my friend at Barnes and Noble on 82nd St/Broadway in NYC to hear a speaker who was on a book tour. It was none other than Marianne Williamson, the spiritual teacher and best-selling author of 10 books, including A Return to Love, which Marianne jokingly referred to last night as, "Cliff Notes to A Course in Miracles" but is really much more than that and a widely read, well-respected book in the literature of personal growth and spirituality.

She was in town to promote her latest book called A Course in Weight Loss, which, according to her website, will give you the "Body Brilliant" because "by getting back to the truth of who you really are you will get to a place where all your problems with weight will disappear." I've only flipped through the first 20 or so pages of the book and admittedly haven't read A Return to Love in full, but I've heard Marianne interviewed before, read excerpts of her work, seen her quoted time and again and perhaps most importantly, I know she's deeply influenced a few of my mentors and leaders I follow.

My motivation to write this morning -- and I'm up at 5:30am to get it in before a few additional morning commitments -- is to discover for myself why I had a very strong adverse reaction to listening to Marianne last night. Truth be told, I didn't like her. At all.

This is a woman who has helped thousands of people with a powerful message of healing with the help of a spiritual practice and faith in a higher power (all of which I believe) as well as through 12-step work (which I support and practice). She is all about the moving out of darkness and fear into faith and light. I love that! I love light! She is about transformation and the possibility of change in the most unlikely circumstances -- I love that, I stand for that, too!

So why was I feeling my skin crawl while hearing her talk about the "ice cream sundae that doesn't love you back" and the difference between love and obsession, the former of which heals and inspires, the latter which we fall into in various degrees to avoid "the great alone" (I think that was the phrase she used)? Why did I want to walk out when she admitted to being a compulsive eater but not a food addict and quickly jump to the thought that the extent of her disordered eating is a little extra stuffing on Thanksgiving. A part of me just did not want to believe she understands.

Why we do we do that? Sometimes we're standing in front of someone who could understand us better than we can even understand ourselves, but we shut them out.

I was on my Blackberry while she was talking. You don't understand, I get pissed off when people text or Blackberry during movie previews. You're texting during the coming attractions to The Hangover 2 and I'm pissed. Yet, there I was last night, tapping away while my neighbors (it was a packed 3rd floor at B&N) listened intently to Marianne explain how her Course will help you lose weight once and for all, that it starts with investigating and healing the negative emotions that have assembled like bricks (her metaphor) in a wall of thick, extra weight. She compared the out-of-control nature of addiction to a cancer, which she akins to individual cells going rogue, saying, "I don't wanna" behave and be part of the group. We're all perfect, she said, our cells are perfect from day 1. Healing comes with remembering that...

Granted, I had a work issue to address so I wasn't just texting my friends for fun but still, usually I am considerate and last night, I was not at all. I felt testy the whole time. During questions, I asked Marianne whether her book addresses what I feel are two big weight loss saboteurs in our society, the first being the way most diets are designed without enough calories. Studies show that restriction leads to binge eating and there is a physical component to that drive to binge if the body is not getting enough nutrients. The second thing that gets in the way of weight loss efforts are how certain foods are addictive in nature. Studies also show that foods with a lot of artificial sugar can trigger the brain's dopamine receptors like a gambler placing a bet. For me, I have to be very careful around sugar (I don't even keep it in the house) because when my defenses are down and I'm tired or upset or just having cravings, one bite leads to a lot more. I can enjoy it sometimes but the food has a pull on me. Ding!

So, my thought was that you can do a ton of feeling and healing but if you're following a restrictive diet or eating foods that you are very sensitive or possibly allergic to (there are so many more sabotaging influences that I can list but those were the first two that came to mind), you are unknowingly setting yourself up to fail. I feel like if the conversation does not include these matters of a practical nature, all your work in therapy or spirituality will not help you accomplish the goal of healthy weight loss.

That's a digression from what was my initial question -- why I was feeling so much resistance last night to someone I should and expected to love? This would not be the first time someone with a very positive message and big audience gets under my skin and I guess it won't be the last. But sweet and smart Marianne?

I thought she was saying all the things I've learned over the years about compulsive eating and food addiction. This is nothing new and I've heard this before. She's just putting her own Marianne WilliamSpin on it, I thought. Maybe I was just plain old frustrated or ashamed that I am someone who earned her seat in the audience last night -- that I am a woman who has struggled with food issues for about 15 years and is still looking for more answers or pieces to the healing puzzle.

She spoke to being born perfect and knowing how to eat and live in equilibrium, that the work is largely about remembering who we are and uncovering that divine perfection, a place from which, once surrendered to it, you'll eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. When I heard that I thought it was nice in theory and while I do believe we all carry a spark of the divine, I don't believe we're all born perfect normal eaters. Biology booms and genetics give you brain chemistry and pathways and behaviors that are going to come out (or not) depending on your life experiences and socialization.

Other things to consider -- do I feel like my teacher table is too crowded and I don't have room for another one to love? Maybe I just want to be my own teacher. Or, maybe I'm really mad that someone is making money off the wisdom of the 12-steps, which is the wisdom of the ages, so that just doesn't make total sense either. Maybe I am jealous of Marianne Williamson! I would like to publish my own book of healing and helping words -- how is Lindspiration: Shut Up and Listen To My Positivity for a title to make you smile? :) -- but I haven't. Maybe in comparison to her I felt very small last night, almost as small in significance as MW is in stature (she is a petite little thing!), which you can add to the list of what may have triggered me. I find it hard to listen to very skinny people talk about trying to control themselves around food even if I've known they used to live in the torture that is food obsession. A part of me just doesn't believe them or that they know how bad it could be, which is just another layer of protection and a lie I tell myself.

The size of a person does not in any which way indicate how much or little they've suffered from an eating disorder. I know that! Of course I know that. When knowing disappears, sometimes, it makes me wonder if I ever really knew it at all.

People get it. Your deepest struggles -- there are other people who understand and may even be exactly who can help you conquer some of your battles. It starts with being open to listening to someone besides yourself, yes, but I am starting to really believe what some others say -- that we are our own greatest teachers. The guru to find is the one within. Would I benefit from reading and doing A Course in Weight Loss? I don't know. Probably. Parts of it would register, I'm sure. But I didn't buy the book. I feel like my own healing from issues with food is coming from a personal place inside, like I am coming up with my own course just for me, and that after years of absorbing lessons I am now just allowing myself to live without thinking as much and doing as much "work". We'll see how that goes. :) It's just a day at a time.

I welcome your thoughts and emails about your own experiences. That's a given, right? Please comment or email me at lindspiration@gmail.com if you have anything at all to say.

Wishing you well today on your path to wellness, self-discovery and happiness.

Peace and love,

Lindsay

Let it Register

For every bit of exertion and effort there is its compliment, which is rest and receptivity.

Go into your resting place and stillness. It is beautiful there and it's where you can uncover so much truth, such as how you feel and what you really want.

I just got back from teaching and I am full of joy. I realize that what I've done in my work as an intenSati leader is amazing and I am empowered by my own growth as a teacher. I've found a way to connect to the affirmations and by saying them from my heart, I feel them from head to my toe. I believe we can become our own biggest and best advocate for our happiness and by finding ways to connect deeply to Source energy, which runs inside and between us all, we can break free from old habits and transform. I guess after years and years of treating myself in a way that is less than I deserve, it has become my joy and passion to now cultivate self care and self love habits of the highest degree and share them.

If you haven't taken a moment to reflect on your progress this week, try doing that now. Pause long enough to let the things you are proud of register. If some things weren't working for you, let that register, too, but with compassion not cruelty. You are just learning about how to live and you are only human (with a spark of the diviiiiine)!

One more thing, go to my dear, dear friend's post about the healing power of music, if you have a moment. He's a beautiful writer (and 5 elements acupuncturist, if you happen to be in the Seattle area):

http://thezenofhealing.com/2010/11/01/the-healing-power-of-music/

Thank you for reading and have an amazing day!

xo Lindsay

Of Mice and Mojo

Good Morning!!

Starting from age 7 through about 12 years old, I was in a class called Project Challenge with Mrs. Pelled (then Mrs. Schoolman) and about 10-12 fellow classmates who demonstrated some kind of aptitudes that indicated we were "gifted and talented." I don't know the details of the tests they used to determine who qualified nor do I know if teacher recommendations factored in. I certainly knew a LOT of brilliant students with talents and smarts who weren't in PC; as far as the enrichment received, I think we had the kinds of opportunities that really helped us grow in ways that students of all levels would've appreciated. This class was in addition to tiered tracking, which we had as well in elementary school. I can remember being in fourth grade and having anxiety that my 7x multiplication table (I would mess up 7x6, 7x7, 7x8) would somehow delay me in ways. Fear of failure starts really early and so does identifying with success. I know being in Project Challenge was one aspect of the early, formative years that encouraged my intelligence and positive identification with learning.

Part of the curriculum was an end-of- year project and the first year (I was in second grade), I will never ever forget this, I "chose" to do my report about mice. We had a lot of tanks in the classroom with small creatures, I'm getting grossed out now thinking about it, ranging from the Mickey and Minnie to axelrods and chameleons. My teacher suggested I do mice and document the pregnancy of one of the momma mice, its birth, etc. I don't know if this was an early indication of my people pleasing disease, but I said Ok. To make a long story short, I did the work, completed the project, observed the momma mouse actually eat a baby or two (which I learned is common practice and not to worry), saw some other baby mice die off, the red eyes, whatever, it was all so gross and I thank you for reading through this section -- I'm done, let's move on...

By the following year I had learned my lesson. By doing what I did not care about and following an external cue for my path, I responded by activating my strong sensibility from inside that says, No, I don't want that I want THAT! What I chose was a report on acting and I interviewed the actresses on Broadway who were playing Cassie and Diana Moralis in "A Chorus Line". I had the BEST time ever seeing that show and talking to them after! A little arts/culture journalist in the making, eh? :) The year after, for my project on Dance, I choreographed my own piece to Axel F. By this time, I had quit ballet to focus on soccer so I didn't exactly have the kind of flexibility and kicks that would land me on Star Search, but I was very good and rocked it all out down to my red leg warmers. It was one of the ways I started doing my own thing and liking it, a lot!

Cut to the present and real life, while still a classroom, is definitely different than my Project Challenge class. Last Saturday, I was in an intenSati Leader training taught by my mentor, Patricia Moreno. It was a whole day full of intenSati principles and I was reflecting on what gets me down sometimes and knocked off my path of pursuing my dreams. I realized the BIG HOLE I let myself fall into is forgetting about positive expectation. I realized that I have a lot of desire, a LOT, and I have a lot of talent and ability, but what I seem to lack is positive expectation that what I desire or something better and beyond my (very wild) wildest dreams is really on the way.

I had to own how easily I get discouraged and feel like a little kid on Christmas who believes in Santa but for some reason doesn't think Santa is coming for her, instead believing he'll make it but just drop the gifts for everybody else. This same little girl can also tend to lose site of the abundance of gifts already in her life. Let me just say that my mom would tell me not only is Santa Clause real but he doesn't leave me out. So even I, a Jewish girl from Long Island, KNEW that Santa Clause was coming to town with gifts. All I had to do was imagine the Christmas tree because that's where my parents drew the line. No tree.

So, since the weekend I've been really focusing on positive expectation. I've been affirming that it is happening. What's for my highest good is on the way -- yes, yes, YES. Saying things like I love it and deserve it -- all the affirmations I learn and teach -- and then sitting in the FEELINGS of joy and abundance. The other missing link, my mentor Patricia also said, BE GRATEFUL NOW. So I made an 18 point gratitude list for my job as it is so I was primed in gratitude but also ready for more.

Well, it was done last night. After a sequence of events that are too coincidental to be called anything but a sign of Source's encouragement (yes, I believe this stuff) in which I put it out there how much I love to write, contribute to our pop culture blog as I had in the past and perform, how I want to keep those passions and interests alive and well at my company, I was wrapping up administrative work when I get asked to cover a red carpet event by interviewing 3 celebrities on camera. Umm, excuse me?! YES!

Now, this would not activate everybody's career mojo but it sure as heck activated mine. Preferences. Without a doubt, I am completely and utterly attracted to interviewing people and last night it was Donald Trump, Kim Kardashian and Piers Morgan (of America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent and soon-to-be the host of The Larry King Show starting in 1/11) who were all at this event in Soho together. There I was with the press core, sandwiched next to Access Hollywood and Inside Edition and others, and all I could think about was that little 4th grader talking to people in the big leagues and loving it!

I took a moment to imagine I was walking down a red carpet for a movie I am in and answering questions. I was not alone in that sentiment -- I had two conversations (one with a PR guy and another with a journalist) in which they both confessed their ambitions and desires to walk down a red carpet and answer questions about their current projects! Like attracts like. :)

I am glad to write about it, post and share about my success and offer what I learn to you, in the hopes it will INSPIRE you to keep going. KEEP KEEP GOING! Ask, train, believe, try, be imperfect, get encouraged, get discouraged, rely on friends, go at it alone for a while -- do what YOU have to do to live the life you desire and dream about because you only live once!

So, I guess to close I will keep encouraging a hearty NO to the metaphorical (or literal, eesh) mice and YES to doing more of what gets your mojo going!

Wherever you're at in your journey is just beautiful. Whatever your beat is -- march, drum, dance, find the beat and go to it!!

I love these dudes. I want to learn how to do THAT (too)! Have an amazing day!

With xo and gratitude,

Lindsay

Good morning!

I am back in bikram yoga about once a week now. I took class last night and the teacher invited us to do as little fidgeting in between postures as possible. "Go for stillness," she said. Fixing my hair, adjusting my leggings, changing the way my tank top is tied (I settled for some 80s retro side knot), looking around at all the other sweaty people all qualifies as avoiding the stillness, so I tried to release the habits. I noticed a real difference in my practice -- it flowed more -- and what I think was the most helpful was just learning to desire the fidget, pause, resist the fidget and then go onto something else.

At the end of class, I did my own little focused meditation and visualization during shivasana. It was one I used to do when I was on crutches a few months ago and it felt VERY good to do it again (note to self: don't wait a week to pull that out of the toolbox again). It involves putting one hand over my heart and the other on any area of the body I can reach that I feel needs strengthening, healing or peaceful energy. So, I held my ankle for a few minutes, my forehead for a few and then my back (it was a tense day for me in the office) and I didn't use music at the time but if you want to try it now -- come on, try it! -- here is a song that may help ease you into activating your own healing power:

If you've never listened to George Winston, I hope you enjoyed that song and suggest you dive into his album December at some point soon. "Peace" is beautiful and I'll post it here for you in a few weeks when we're knee deep in Christmas stockings, gelt and potato latkes and we all just need to calm down a bit.

Is it really almost December? Yes! Wow. It's only 11/10 today, though, so let's come back to it!

We are all important gifts to each other and the world. I hope you find joy and appreciation for all that you are today. Share the love! :)

With gratitude,

Lindsay

Good Company

Good morning!

Whew, I had a few days there where I was not sure I wanted to continue blogging in the morning. Two full days. Sunday/Monday. Then it passed! Now I'm sitting here with a desire to write but I have no idea what is going to come out.

We had the marathon on Sunday in New York City, which is one of the most inspiring days of the year, no doubt. I knew 3 runners personally -- Michelle Sanders and two coworkers, one of whom reads Lindspiration (Congrats again, Lori!). I heard my other coworker talking about it yesterday and she said something that I loved -- she said she loves the people the NYC marathon attracts and she meant not just the runners but the spirited and enthusiastic fans.

It reminds me that we go places in our lives and are really fortunate when the kind of people you want to hang with are there with you. Little communities of similar people (or diverse people with a common passion) sprout up everywhere -- it happens in our intenSati classes, yes :) -- and it's making a lot of sense to me now as I observe networks forming.

Feeling isolated or alone, like you have nobody to talk to, laugh, sing, dance or celebrate with, or just listen to you vent if you're having a shit storm of a day, can be such a debilitating feeling. Especially in a city as crowded as New York. That's why I suggest if you are feeling that sensation to push yourself to try something new where there are other people together, preferably sober (so they'll remember you a few days later when you text them to go for a cup of coffee), with whom you'll connect on a positive level.

A common desire women and men feel is to want another person to love and accept them completely -- warts and all. We also build up in our mind the intensity or size of said warts, right, that which we are hiding -- we think, "Ah, if he only know ___ about me, forget it!" From that mindset, it of course would become an even bigger deal if, after revealing your Mt. Everest bag of *$#), the person you reveal it to says something to the effect of, "Ok. No biggie. Thanks for sharing. What's for dinner?"

It's like a the Phantom of the Opera, right? He wears that mask 24/7 to hide the bigggggggg mystery of whatever is underneath that mask. He feels ashamed. He thinks Christine could never love him if she saw beneath the mask. Yet, you know how much our phantom aches to reveal what's underneath. And Christine? She wants nothing more than to love the man and all that is yet to be seen. Maestro...

"Save me from my solitude..."

Yup. He just wants to break the isolation, too. :)

Here's the thing. You are your own phantom and your own Christine. Reveal yourself to you. Begin here now. Don't wait for the Christine figure in your life to show up with loving arms and a complete, wholehearted sentiment of acceptance. Be that for yourself today. Don't wait to have someone else to remove your mask for because by removing it for yourself, you begin the all important journey of realizing and loving...

you.

I'm pretty sure this is very in line with a book by Debbie Ford I read a few years ago. Hang on while I research the title.....

Yes. Here it is, it's called The Shadow Process by Debbie Ford:

The Shadow Process gives us access to loving all of ourselves. This deep and profound work teaches us how to love each and every aspect of our humanity. It enables us to embrace both the darkness of our smallest self and the brilliant light of our highest self. Making peace with our dark side is a sacred journey. It demands rigorous honesty, courage and a great deal of compassion. Embracing our shadow delivers us emotional wholeness and the absolute freedom to be who we are. When we are filled with self-love and self-appreciation, we automatically attract the miraculous experience of love and appreciation from others.

Yes, that's it! :) Whew, pulled that one out of the archives. I read that about 4 or 5 years ago.

Alright. Wishing you strength and joy today!

With gratitude,

Lindsay

Inspired Action

Good morning!

I'm happy to share my latest intenSati series with you this morning! intenSati, in case you are new to this blog, is a revolutionary high-energy cardio workout created by Patricia Moreno, author of The intenSati Method, 7 Principles to Thinner Peace. It is a bold fusion of aerobics, martial arts and endurance principles done with positive affirmations. "The result is an unprecedented practice which is empowering physically and mentally!" www.satilife.com

My series this month feels like it can come down to three words which are an acting term: raise the stakes. When an actor hears that, it means he or she needs to make what they are doing in the scene -- their objective -- more important. I've been looking at my approach to the pursuit of my goals and realize that there are many more inspired actions I can be taking to get my work as a writer and performing artist into the world. The reason I haven't taken them? Some fear, yes, but also some kind of denial about how important it is to me. Well, I'm done diminishing the importance of my dreams and desires and I hope if you relate on any level, you will also be done! Your dreams are VERY IMPORTANT -- they may even be given by some source that's greater than you and dwells in the spiritual realm, so, HONOR them. Honor them deeply and with love.

What happens when you play a game of high stakes? You get out of bed really early or stay up really late to pursue them. You ask people you don't know for help. You become more willing to train, expect more from yourself, try something new and accept you don't want to do anything else besides your hearts desires. You also accept, with gratitude, that you're responsible and it is truly in your hands to manifest your deepest desires that are for your highest good.

Are you ready to get into action? Inspired action!? Combined with faith in yourself means big results are on the way! What else are we adding to the equation? Leaps of faith -- going into the great unknown and taking actions without knowing how it will turn out! There's also a portion of the series that affirms your part in creation as well as the best way to love your life and freedom by loving what already is and the freedom you already have in your life today. The final section is about your commitment to you and your goals as well as the willingness to be persistent and dedicated. It's all in you -- I look forward to hearing what you accomplish through practice.

Inspired Action (November intenSati Series)

Inspired actions (INSPIRED)

plus my belief (FAITH)

mean big results (SUCCESS r/l)

for me (VICTORY)!

I am ready to take (READY)

I am willing to take (WILLING)

I am able to take (ABLE)

a leap of faith (NOW)!

I’m a master at creating (WILLPOWER)

with joy I’m celebrating (HAPPY)

the love I have in me (LOVE)

the ways that I am free (FREE)!

Yes, I’m committed, Yes (YES)

I stay the course and give my best (PERSISTENCE)!

Lower Body

I stand in love (LOVE)

I stand in strength (STRENGTH)

I stand in beauty (BEAUTY)

I stand in faith (FAITH)

Thank you (GRATITUDE) ...

If you're in NYC, come to my intenSati class at 9am on Saturday mornings at Equinox. If you're not a member, no problem, I can add you to the guest list! Just email me at lindspiration@gmail.com by 4pm on Friday afternoon.

With xo and gratitude,

Lindsay

Time to Act

Good morning!

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending the engagement party of two of my students -- both of whom are dear to me and one of whom is a very close friend who is one of the wisest, strongest people in my life. The boys were beaming!! I felt so happy for them and could see the love, appreciation and gratitude all their friends (a group of some of the cutest, unavailable-for-straight-women men I've seen in Manhattan in a long time) were feeling. As far as I'm concerned, gay marriage should definitely be legal and I am holding the belief right now that it will be just in time for their fabulous, summer 2012 wedding in NYC. I know it will be as beautiful as the love they share. So exciting!

*

This month, I want to inspire you to take action in the direction of your most desired goals and dreams. Happiness comes from within, yes, but if you are in situations that trigger depressing thoughts or feelings but YOU have the POWER to CHANGE them, it's up to you to empower yourself and get moving! Acceptance is a beautiful thing and learning how to keep your peace while you are in places that are less than ideal is an essential skill. Finding the appreciation and gratitude for your current circumstances might be the greatest preparation for change that I've learned. That being said, I am struck by how much more we can all inspire ourselves and each other to DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE to change our circumstances.

Are you living your life as if you feel or think you'll be around forever? I heard someone say this the other day -- she looked at how she was acting and realized that she was living as if she'd be here another 100 years. I'm just passing along the wisdom I received recently -- a reminder not to "rest on my laurels". No need to launch a full-fledged panic about time passing too quickly for your own good. It's not. Life is set up perfectly, just like our human bodies are in a perfect state of equilibrium, so it's just a question of finding your way into a balanced flow.

So, take a deep breath and look at your day today. See if you can take ONE inspired action towards the direction of your goals. See how that feels. Consider not telling a single soul, because this one is just for you, a little secret between you and your heart. Then, if you're willing, go in front of a mirror (eegads! YES) and with both feet planted on the floor, lift your soft, loving eyes to look at your own perfect reflection and breathe. You are now leveraging all the strength you need to go forward, one action at a time...

With xo and gratitude!

Lindsay

A World to Gain

Good morning!

What do you do when you find yourself in new territory? Whether it's a new job, apartment, relationship, state of health or economic bracket -- are you aware of how you react to change? The difference between the extent to which you feel in control of the change as opposed to feeling like it's happening to you (your company downsizes and you're fired) can affect how you adjust, definitely. It's interesting when you see you have more or less of a hand than you thought in the whole process.

I tend to sometimes react negatively to change that I feel is happening to me until I calm down and realize that I may not have orchestrated or driven the change ship, but it's actually better than before. When I realize I don't always have to be in control and accept when I am not, I can finally welcome and embrace something new. It's a little tricky at first.

I also get off balance when I try to make sense of something new and locate where it fits into my life and the scheme of things, as opposed to just sitting in a little nervousness, excitement, and curiosity. A true warrior lives in the great unknown but it's the control freak who needs to know at every given point what something is about and what it all means. :) Guess what, it can take a while to understand what part a certain experience, job, relationship or simple conversation plays in the story of your life. Trying too early to see it is a lot like shaking the shit out of a polaroid to rush its development along. Instead, just relax and let it come into clear focus when it's ready.

I get these little emails each day from Mike Dooley, author of the book Infinite Possibilities, and will share a portion of this morning's message with you:

The path to enlightenment is not a path at all.

It's actually a metaphor for the time it takes for you to allow yourself to be happy with who you already are,

where you're already at,

and what you already have - no matter what.

Does this statement of intent for happiness makes you feel relieved? When you step out of the cube that society wants to put you in -- namely the one that tells you more material things and accomplishments will be the number one source of your feeling good -- you begin to activate that deep reserve of appreciation and joy that already sits inside you in abundance.

Let's go into today with gratitude and an open mind! After all, with that mindset/heart-set, we've "got nothin' but the whole wide, whole wide world to gain"...

With xo,

Lindsay

Good morning!

I just woke up thinking of the lyric "I will not falter" and it took me until I was about half way through my breakfast (that's only about 5-8 minutes - I'm a fast eater) to realize it's from the song, "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)". It's the duet by Aretha Franklin and George Michael from 1987. I LOVE IT and the part I'm singing this morning is:

When the river was deep I did not falter

The mountain was high I still believed

The valley was low it didn't stop me, no NO

To hear Aretha hit that Noooo note, we know, well, she's definitely making it through the valley.

I taught intenSati on Saturday and took class on Sunday -- both experiences left me feeling clear, empowered, strong, FOCUSED and KNOWING what I want. Then, I hopped back in the workweek saddle and felt myself get caught in a downwind, unsure of what I want, very sensitive and irritated with myself.

I listened to Michael Caine being interviewed on NPR and my first thought -- Imagine what it would be like to work with Michael Caine! -- quickly turned into Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.

After having dinner with my very good yogi friend last night, I realized that there is actually a union to be found in this way of being that I have -- a yogic element in having both feelings at various times and embracing the impermanence of these emotions. The self-doubt will dissipate and be replaced by confidence, knowing and faith in myself once again, which also will dissolve into something new and different. That's how it is with feelings.

The other thing to notice is if your DESIRE falters. Some days you may feel very strongly and passionately about something and other days, it's not as exciting, appealing or enticing. You may think you don't want it all, which is why it is a REALLY good thing to make commitments for finite periods of time and show up despite how you feel. This, as opposed to letting your feelings dictate whether you're going to stay committed. Example -- For two months I will play full out as an actress. I will check audition notices, submit, show up, work if I book a gig, read the trades, do exercises that keep me sharp and go to the theater. Instead of letting feelings dictate whether I do these things, I will just do them and see what happens.

This is really effective! If I let my emotions dictate my commitments, I would stop blogging or acting or working out every time I get PMS or have a setback. If you are also one of those people who get emotional, be careful your emotions don't become a distraction from your pursuits of PASSION. Just be present and sit with them, gather yourself, and focus on a different, more loving thought when you are ready to choose.

With xo and gratitude,

Lindsay

Truth Rings

Good morning!

How did your commitments go yesterday?

I kept track of the money I spent (see yesterday's post about record keeping as a means to get your personal finance game on and Darbi's comment suggestion to use Mint.com). I also showed up to a workshop I registered for called "Singing For Dancers" conducted by Tom Burke and Courtney Bauer at Studio Anya. What I had to accept, which was difficult for me but I am not going to let it bring me down, is that I have some very weird things going on in my body as the result of the surgery, most specifically in my hip and lower back as well as my upper left shoulder. Being on crutches for a few months and continually putting more weight on the left side of my body resulted in my being very out of alignment. I will be researching various techniques to heal this, including the classes at Studio Anya (check out the website -- it's a whole system that combines yoga, pilates and movement -- very cool, healing) and I am definitely finding a more specific physical therapy office. I need a place that works with dancers -- I found one on line called The Shmuel Tatz body tuning studio. I will find the best place in the city (that takes my insurance)!

It's interesting how mindfulness works. First, you choose to stay present and aware of how you feel by avoiding substances or behaviors that distract you from the present moment. You calm yourself down with the help of the breath and you open your mind/heart to the truth. What's going on inside me right now? How do I feel? Second, you get some information. For me, last night, I became keenly aware of the structural misalignment going on in my body. Third, and here is where I know I and others can get a bit off track, we have a choice to live in the observation or negative dramatization. The former looks like this: I have structural misalignment. I feel tightness in my left hip and lower back on the right side. My left shoulder pops up and rises, almost reflexively now. It feels awkward. When I stand with both feet together barefoot on the ground, I don't feel balanced and I feel disconnected from, and here's a term I learned at the workshop last night, "my center line".

The latter, which is a dramatization into projection land, looks like this: I have structural misalignment. This is AWFUL. I thought my surgery was going to help but it actually is leading to other messed up thing in my body. How am I going to fix this? I won't have the time or money to do it. I'm stuck and going to miss out on doing what I love bc of this. It's so unfair! It hurts. 3 surgeries on my ankle -- of course it's going to end up being f'd up in the rest of my body. Nobody knows how disturbing this is to me and how badly I want to be healthy, sound and in alignment again!

Maybe my dramatization is a little exaggerated for the purpose of this example, but honestly, not by much! :) It is in that kind of projection, worrying, and reacting that we get discouraged and if you're like me, that's when I stop asking or seeking help. It leads to paralysis. It can happen so quickly and it's essential to keep it under wraps! If you are observing some pain or discomfort, can you catch yourself from decorating it with your fear? Think of your situation like a pine tree. It's just a tree. It is what it is but when you throw ornaments all over it, it becomes a Christmas Tree. Now you and everybody else will perceive said tree as one under which presents and gifts should be placed, around which eggnog should be consumed and songs sung but, really, it's just a pine tree with shiny things hanging from the branches.

If you are going to throw anything on your tree of a situation, make it positive. I will heal my body. I will restore it into proper alignment over time with my strong intuition, healing powers and the help of professionals. I live in abundance today and can afford services that I need today. I am grateful.

That's it -- just keep it simple. The rest is awareness and observation of the truth, and we all know how important that is, right? If I didn't know the truth of what is going on in my body, I could never heal it and I could never treat it properly.

Are you giving yourself enough of an opportunity to be mindful of how you feel? Remember yesterday's second part of my post about The Big Ask? Well, don't be afraid to play Jeopardy with yourself and try to figure out what's going on by approaching your inner being in the form of a question. What is - I feel frustrated about my job? What is - I am feeling reminded of a loss I had last year around this time? What is - I am feeling stifled by the city and craving nature? Ask, ask, ask yourself what is going on and listen for answers that ring of truth.

With xo,

Lindsay

Commitments and Leaps

Good morning!

Happy November. I'm using the top of the month to bring in a new daily commitment, which is, recording the money I make and spend. Record-keeping is a great tool to help you stay mindful so that you don't have that lost-sock-in-the-dryer sense of wondering where your money went. If you use a debit card all over town, it really helps to have a nice clear list of vendors to compare against your statement. This, in addition to creating more income streams, is a great way to generate abundance. Plus, as we move into the holiday season, it pays to be sure you have planned what you want to spend on gifts not to mention a cute outfit for New Year's Eve (it's only 2 months away!).

Here are a few other suggestions of new commitments to bring into your life this month!

• 5 minutes of daily meditation
• making 1 or 2 changes to your diet (ex -- a sweet snack 1x/week only, no diet soda or gum)
• giving up alcohol
• a daily gratitude list
• a new fitness class (I teach intenSati, come play)
• 15 minutes a day spent writing in your journal

Just pick one thing and go for it! If you want a little support or encouragement, email me at lindspiration@gmail.com and I'm happy to oblige and offer you additional suggestions, etc.

I was thinking this morning about the phrase "leap of faith" and leaping into something new without knowing beforehand what the results will be...

"Its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap." - Wicked

There is an excitement to testing the limits, boundaries and parameters around you. Staying in a static position feels flat and uninspired, doesn't it? For me, there are a lot of leaps or risks that I am planning to take this month and I will share them as they come about. Or, maybe I will make a list and post it tomorrow when I post this month's intenSati series. I am getting clearer by the minute about what I want and taking leaps of faith to bring them about -- I invite you to do the same.

I love this article I found about learning to ASK for what you really want. This writer shares a great anecdote -- she saw New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd in the airport and it struck her that she'd love Maureen to come to her book party. She was a first-time author and finally got the nerve to ask MD, who showed up!

Read the article in full here, it's sweet --

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/how-to-ask-the-big-question

Here is an excerpt:

The minute you're afraid to ask for something is when you should do it...It also helps to take a few deep breaths and imagine the worst possible outcome. Usually, it's simply getting a no, which is not exactly life threatening. Whether the result is life changing (like it was with Maureen Dowd) or disappointing, asking is always a significant accomplishment. Because if you ask me, it's the questions in life—not the answers—that really count.

So, if there is something you want today, Ask! If you think it's really a stretch, ask anyway. If someone or some institution is going to say No to you, let them be the one who says it but don't reject yourself in advance. In the meantime, YOU say say YES to you and your desires. Trust that your instincts are generating feelings that are helping you move towards a life of greater fulfillment and purpose. They are your desires and there for a reason -- honor, respect and let them manifest newness in your life today!!

With xo and gratitude,

Lindsay