Good afternoon! I could not be more excited to start teaching a 4 week intenSati class on Thursday nights (10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27) in NYC which focuses on EMPOWERING women and men who are SINGLE! How did I come to this? Is it cliche to say it's a long story? :)
I grew up in a very suburban area of New York on Long Island called Plainview. Lots and lots of families, in tact marriages (until the kids went to college) and common assumptions that someone like me (a high achieving, personable, attractive and confident young woman) would grow up, become successful and get married to a great guy. I was never one to really fawn over bridal magazines or even give much attention or thought to whether I'd get married but I did think it would happen. I figured he'd be about 3 years older (just like my parents' age gap), tall, dark, smart, look great in a tuxedo and be a professional, probably a doctor, like me.
Career objective 1 (out of about 15) was to be a pediatrician who took care of babies not only in the Tri-State area but also in South Africa.
Anyway, I had a great boyfriend in high school but it didn't last beyond a semester or two into college. When I developed an eating disorder and depression/anxiety in college, my confidence in myself as a woman and faith in love went out the door. It really affected the guys I dated or hooked up with -- I DID NOT honor or take care of myself. When I was 160 pounds at my top weight (I'm 5'3") I was hanging out with a guy whose friends called him "The Prez" and me "Monica Lewinsky" thanks to that wonderful scandal. Then, when I was borderline anorexic and 108 pounds while working for New York Magazine and actually encountered Monica Lewinsky at a launch party for one of our issues, I realized my self esteem hadn't changed much at all. That was in 2001.
Time went on and with its passage, I started to recover and heal. As such, it was reflected in the bonds I formed. I dated some very interesting men. :) One became my first and only long-distance relationship and it was life changing. I mean, they are all life changing, but this one was very healing because of how compassionate and loving the man acted. After we stopped seeing each other, I felt like I lost a best friend and it was hard to move on again. Meanwhile, one after the other after the other of my friends were getting married and having babies. My age started climbing, some fear continued to build that I was going to get too old and while I was doing my best not to focus on the negative, I felt really bad about it!! Couldn't shake it. I didn't understand and took it very personally.
I started working some of that stuff out here on this blog, in therapy, through coaching and of course, in intenSati. intenSati is the practice created by Patricia Moreno which fuses positive affirmations with high energy fitness moves inspired by aerobics, martial arts, dance and yoga. It is like a positive keg of physical, emotional and spiritual dynamite hurled at your low feeilngs, limiting beliefs and blocks. It also opens your heart. BIG TIME. xo
I started to dream again but this time I didn't see the same conventional little vision of a 3 years older husband and kids before I'm 35. I was now an actress/performing artist, writer and fitness instructor. Definitely not your typical doctor/lawyer type. I work many hours, am in and out of full fledged creativity zones, use words like "Vortex" and "Blessed" and "Inspired" with frequency and regularity, share openly about a lot of things some would deem TMI and have huge dreams for myself and others.
While shopping with my mom last weekend on Long Island for my new apartment, I inspired the close-to-retirement-aged salesman at Jennifer's Convertibles to take an acting class (it's his childhood dream, he told me) and the Apple Store salesman to get his Personal Training certification (it's what he reaaaaally wants to do but was afraid the exam would be too hard, he told me).
Basically, I realized I do not want some of the things I thought I wanted just yet because I AM BUSY LIVING A PASSIONATE LIFE but at the same time, I do absolutely 100%want to meet my soulmate (Oh, yes, I believe in soulmates), get married and have babies down the road. Yettttt, however, big big big BUT, I knew on a gut level I did not really believe I can have it.
Didn't believe it. Didn't really feel in my heart of hearts that A. He is out there and B. I'm worthy of what I deeply desire. Didn't think I can handle it. Kids?! Don't have a plant. Sometimes you can see it for others but not ourselves. I can put all the faith in the world in someone else finding real love, witness them, be happy for my friends but not believe it for myself. Then, with that belief, I ended up settling for a two year effort to put a round peg into a square hole. You know, like playdoh. Awesome.
So, even as I was having breakthroughs on the career front, healing my body from a major surgery, dropping more emotional eating behaviors, really getting over the depression I thought I'd never be able to get over, and getting clear about what I definitely do desire, the one area that was eluding me was this one. This, Finding The One, one.
I had to really ask myself what else was going on here and why I was still feeling so shitty about being single. I realized THAT IS THE ANSWER. Becauuuuuuuuse I am feeling so shitty about being single and accepting it, committing to it, refusing to elt it go, I could not possibly land in a powerful, grateful, strong, independent and self loving place, FULLY.
It's not to blame myself for this but take responsibility for what I'm putting out into the world. What you focus on you get and that was my focus, being single sucks, so naturally I could not expect to feel good or act from a place of self love.
I am ready to change and THAT is why I started desiring leading a class that attacks this head on. For a few months I've been dreaming it up and thought I should wait but I need exactly the class I designed to get to the other side! I need it now. No more waiting.
With that, I am jumping into this month of self love to help shift Single and Stuck into Single and Sensational in myself and my students. I am not doing this to meet The One. I am not thinking about meeting anybody today! I am thinking about feeling good, upping the self care, increasing joy, letting go of past regret or pain or suffering, and realizing we are all born perfect and need to be reminded.
I can't wait to help fascilitate this process in my new students who I will meet on Thursday night. Will you join me?
If you want to take the class, spots are still open! All the details are as follows:
When: Thursday 10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27
Location: Chelsea Studios (151 W. 26th Street between 6th and 7th)
Format: 4 weeks of intenSati classes under the theme "Single and Sensational" with a different focus each week. Week 1 Letting Go, Week 2 Empowered On Your Own, Week 3 Sexy and Free and Week 4 Manifesting Your Soulmate. Writing prompts, class discussion and guided meditation will make this the total package.
Cost: $100.00 for 4 classes. Payment plans available.
It is all about perspective and it is just no fun having a negative one about being single. You are worthy of the utmost love and care. Are you ready to be happy and commit to more love in your life then ever before? Are you?!?!?!