100 Thank You's

Maybe one day I'll give a little big speech in a rather large auditorium with a trophy of some variety, earned not politically but legitimately for my work (creative, humanitarian or otherwise), in a dress that is a deep, emerald green, borrowed emeralds dripping from my ears, clip ons, of course, because my holes are loose and can't handle dangleys. I'll go home and put said trophy of some sort on a shelf, a place where I can see it when I want but not all the time, lest it come to define me and distract me from THE WORK. The list of thank yous will be memorized but improvised, so I don't forget my mom, my second grade teacher for casting me in the Pied Piper, KSA for running talent shows, and my college English Professor Lydia Fakundiny, the woman who turned me on to Montaigne and the essay as a form, and who let me know that someone can come to literature later in life (as if college is so late) and develop as a writer subsequently. Made not born...

In the meantime, there is THANKSGIVING!!! The most wonderful time of the year to...eat. And get grateful. Humble and grateful, since when you really start to look at the abundance on your plate, no matter how much is there or lacking, typically at some point or another, gratitude overwhelms. Melts the heart like butter on a baked sweet potato (healthy eating alert -- go for that with some olive oil over a marshmallow yam concoction). The the reflection moves to a comparison to someone, somewhere out there, with less. Much less. Then, the guilt over having so much. Comparatively. Then the reclaiming of desire, since, again, comparatively, someone out there has that much more so it's okay and legitimate to want that as well. Isn't it? It's a little confusing, this holiday, for people with stuff who want more stuff while sincerely empathizing with those without stuff.

As I pack up my bags this morning and head out to the eastern tip of Long Island for a few days, I've never so deeply wanted to rest and I'm not sure I've even been this grateful either. Grateful for my life, for my struggles, for the progress I've made, the people I love who love me, for being employed, having my own home, getting such clarity on what I want to pursue, for walking away from things and people no longer working for me, ah, the list goes on and on. Fortunately.

I'm going to write a very long gratitude list. 100 items long. I know it will feel good to me and hopefully it will inspire you to find the goodness for which your heart and soul are searching. Look under any rock keeping you from feeling grateful and see what you'll find! If you're not feeling particularly grateful, I just want to say this: Don't give up. Just don't give up on yourself, the love, peace, happiness and life you're seeking. Ever.

100 Gratitudes
1. Spending the holiday on Shelter with my family
2. Mud Truck coffee in the morning
3. Oat bran with the new almond coconut blend milk and organic apples for breakfast
4. Time for Thanksgiving intenSati class w/ Darbi before heading East
5. Yesterday's interview with Kid Shamrock cast and director, how connected and present I felt
6. My apartment
7. My new noise canceling headphones which I haven't tried yet but look really good
8. The morning light reflecting on the corner of the building out my window
9. The job I currently have
10. The jobs I am intending that I know are on the way, or something even better I can't conceive of yet
11. The joy I feel singing, dancing, music
12. Diane Keaton's autobiography
13. All the people who inspire me because of their authenticity and brilliance
14. My Pier 1 furniture
15. Italy
16. Learning the difference between waves of sadness and major depression
17. Learning the difference between bouts of nerves and free floating anxiety
18. Surrounding myself with people I love and who love me, letting go of the rest
19. The Thanksgiving Day parade and all the floats that make the kids and parents beam
20. Tara Brach's podcasts
21. David for all he teaches me about Zen
22. Recovering who I really am
23. Finding ways to give others what they need without enabling
24. Teaching intenSati
25. Practicing intenSati
26. Dancing around my apartment to Moby and Sarah Barelleis (sp?)
27. Baked apple crisp anything
28. My slender fingers and how pretty they look when manicured
29. Knowing that there are people out there who will love and appreciate me exactly as I am
30. Trusting my voice as an a writer/actress/director
31. Realizing my age is perfect
32. Loving getting "gussied up" with hair and make up
33. Remaining equally committed to never forcing myself to dress or appear any way I don't feel like
34. The food recovery program I attend
35. The women and men I know who have walked nearly exactly my walk and found peace, for inspiring me
36. Central Park
37. The poetry I've written and will eventually collect altogether
38. Song lyrics that move me
39. Poetry, literature, magazines, knowing I can't read it all but wanting to get as much in as I can
40. My very imperfect but healthy body
41. People who work in government and are committed to regulating the big banks
42. Humanitarians who help people living in poverty and under oppressive regimes
43. Occupy Wall Street -- not participating but grateful for those doing something to draw attention to injustice
44. Improv comedy class at the PIT
45. Saturday Night Live
46. All my friends' healthy babies and young children
47. My plant. Doesn't keep me up at night or spit up on my clothes.
48. The hundreds of books in my garage I'm going to bring back to my new apartment eventually and put on a yet to be purchased book shelf.
49. The blender Jen gave me as a housewarming gift.
50. Jen
51. Ginger, Karen, Tesha, all the people I met at the Good Commons retreat that totally changed my life
52. The BBC and the opportunities I'm getting there to live my dreams
53. People with beautiful, clear, adoring, sparkly, soulful eyes
54. People so secure enough in themselves they don't let others pose a threat
55. People who understand the challenges and rewards of writing
56. People who understand the challenges and rewards of acting
57. Oye, I'm only on 57. Grateful for this gratitude list!
58. My niece and nephew dogs Lulu and Jani
59. My uncle and his partner, Vidur
60. My incredible family that I love more than life itself but who I wish to depend on a little less
61. The Morning Joe for being an odd amalgam of what I love and hate about mainstream media.
62. Twitter for showing me that few people are really witty but there are some who are hilarious and I'm grateful to follow them.
63. Oprah for yesterday's episode about the singer who became the new frontman for JOURNEY (after being homeless, broke, and not believing in his dream) and DON'T STOP BELIEVING being the number one single of the 20th c.
64. People who believe in me more than I believe in me.
65. People I believe in and support more than they do themselves, hoping they will catch up.
66. Knowing that if I'm ever rich enough to "not have to work" that one of the things I will definitely do is design better sports and fitness outfits for women, undergarments, and comfortable yet stylish shoes with low to no heels.
67. All the synchronicities and "god incidents" that make me believe deeper in Source
68. All my tears
69. All my laughter
70. Hearing others laugh
71. Seeing others cry
72. Coffee with half and half
73. Really great movies and theater
74. My acting coaches Tom and Bruce
75. Being okay with the extent of and depth of my ambition and desire to improve, DEEPEN and grow in my crafts. Not knowing why the desire is as strong as it is, just accepting
76. Learning to be more patient, more efficient
77. Learning to TRUST
78. Learning to LET GO
79. Learning to heal a broken heart
80. Learning to sing
81. Learning to write scripts and plays. People who come to my shows, read my work, support me as an artist
82. Learning to be on camera with deep calm
83. Learning about what makes other people tick or stop ticking and start ticking again
84. All the incredible abundance and growth in my career this past year
85. Grateful I am not looking back or too far forward
86. Learning how much time I need to be alone and conversely, how much time I need to be around people!
87. Recording studios
88. My dad whose passion for music, thtr/film, and of course sports is the tree from which this apple dropped
89. My mom for being so smart, organized and disciplined, loving and beautiful, easily the most attractive and stylish 60ish woman I know
90. My brother for being a rock star
91. The sky, looking up to the sky for a breath
92. My renovated kitchen and no guilt that so far yet I rarely if ever use it
93. The dog I will one day have, the family, love, soulmate connection and children I believe I will one day have in my life that is already in my heart.
94. Making peace with what I can't change about myself and others
95. My new favorite woman on the world stage, the head of the IMF and possible future president of France, Christine Lagarde
96. Roasted brussel sprouts, pecan pie
97. Elise for taking me to Tuscany
98. The four different physical therapists for helping to heal my ankle after my surgery
99. Yom Kippur and all the mini-atonements i made throughout the year, forgiving myself and others for any transgressions
100. The spirit womb

Wowzers. That was fun. Have a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving!! Of course, feel free to share your gratitudes with me here if you want!

Best,
Lindsay