The point of entry for me into a spiritual life -- and by that I mean a reliance upon and relationship with a Source energy or "power greater than myself" that is divine in nature -- was the need and desire to rediscover the real me. I lost myself. For years. I buried myself under unhealthy behaviors, toxic relationships, jobs which had me underemployed and underpaid, people pleasing, harsh treatment against myself, resentment towards others, and a refusal to live in my power. For starters. There was also a lot of loss in my life with which I had to contend, grief being another real gateway into seeking.
In the despair cycle that brought me, I was forced to look for solutions and this biggest blessing in disguise process led to my discovering what I believe to be spiritual energy that is a force of healing, wisdom and the greatest love we can feel. When I tap into it, the most amazing things happen in my being and usually in my life, too. In many ways, and this may sound dramatic, I feel reborn. There is a freshness and an openness. I used to love watching National Geographic nature shows on TV growing up and will never forget the episode I saw of a giraffe giving birth. The baby sort of slides out of the momma who remains standing up during the process. Still in the placenta sack, the baby drops and momma kind of licks the baby who stumbles up onto all fours. In a matter of moments, baby is able to walk. It looks miraculous. That's how I feel when I tap into Source.
I bring this up because in the last few months I moved away from my spiritual practice and I've seen the effect on me. I feel less like a newborn giraffe and a little more like an old, clumsy elephant. Even as I've had some really amazing, forward movement in my career and life, all of which has been wonderful, it's felt like I'm still swinging for a trapeze of external trappings to feel secure. If I catch it, I'm still just swinging back and forth. Taking these actions and living my life without Active Connection to Source energy by way of meditation, writing, prayer, and other means leaves me feeling like I'm just looking for another fix outside of myself.
I'm going to mention Spirit Junkie author and founder of HerFuture.com Gabrielle Bernstein and it's not because I want to drive traffic to my blog by engaging her scores of fans. I swear. I watched a recent TEDx talk she gave in which she described the process of surrendering to a higher power and letting go of addictive behaviors (she's sober 6 years), learning to live by what she's dubbed "~ng" (pronounced "ing") or her "Inner Guidance System". She is delivering the message of "A Course in Miracles" under the mentorship of Marianne Williamson.
In the video below, Gabby talks about having been assigned just 18 minutes to give her TED lecture and how she woke up in the early morning hours, stressing out about what she was going to say, only to decide the next day to just toss her notes and speak authentically. Tell her story from the heart. I'm sure she's well practiced in this area but still, I think it takes a lot to just angel wing it for something as important as a TED talk but she did and it's beautiful. A completely higher powered talk:
What you hear in this video is a person who is resigning to asking for guidance from a Source to help chart her path, lead her into maximum service and continue as a messenger of love. It's a different way to go about your day than just jumping into the shark waters and fighting for things you're not even sure you want, going on a quest to improve for the sake of impressing others, or living by someone else's power and influence instead of the quiet voice inside your heart.
The entire universe gathers within the field of Om.
The syllable Ah transforms the energy of the universe into the potential of being.
With Hum, the enlightened energy flows back into the universe, to spread its benefits in all directions. (Author unknown).
What I know for sure is that we are energy and I am positive that the things we learn which are harmful can be unlearned, a day at a time, through a spiritual connection. I am grateful that I don't have to travel anywhere in the world to find myself. Ultimately, all I need is all I have, right here, right now. Sure it's the same for you wherever you are and I wish you well on your illuminated path.
Lindsay
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