Taking Down Time

I woke up in a sweat today afraid I overslept. It was only 6:30AM and for most, there aren't too many things that can be missed if you're waking up at 6:30AM but the one that's my usual is an Equinox intenSati workout with Natalia Petrzela. Only today, there is no class. I'm not even working. My office is closed. I could go back to sleep. I could rest.

I started watching the new HBO series "Enlightenment" and while I can't say it's a revelation, I do like it a lot and am about to wrap up the last 3 episodes of Season 1 (there are 10 total). One of the Eps dealt thematically with time and the lead character Amy Jellicoe's understanding that Yes, there is plenty of it and No, it isn't too late for her to have a life she loves, find peace, and if not become enlightened, at the very least get her shit back together. It's hopeful.

Time, see what it's become of me.
When I look around at my possibility.
I was so hard to please
Look around
leaves are brown
and the sky is a hazy shade of winter.
"Hazy Shade of Winter" by Simon & Garfunkel, but here for your pleasure is the BANGLES version!

Happy Winter, btw. The Winter Solstice was yesterday and the period between now and NYE is a wonderful time to take an inventory of the last 12. I plan to take my time with it and be thorough with my reflection.

With time, we're constantly seeking to understand how to stop it from flying or passing when we want it to slow down. Or, we wish to speed it up when we feel stuck in something tedious.

Zen Buddhist teacher Joan Halifax Roshi told FORBES magazine, "In terms of our inner lives, no time exists except for what is happening in the present moment." We are warned constantly to slow down. We are invited to let go of the limiting thoughts -- It should've happened by now. Such and such is LATE.

But there is never any late and there is never any Finally until death, the end of the story. In the meantime, all time is created equal.

Knowing what I know now, I sometimes feel if i could turn back time, I would. Not everybody wishes or longs for that but I do. I would like a do-over in a few areas but short of that, I aim to pass along what someone may need to hear, something that will benefit someone in the short or long term in the way that will prevent that person from needing or wanting a do-over. I also intend acceptance, acceptance that for today I long for do-overs but tomorrow perhaps I won't. Feelings change. Acceptance that there are no do-overs and over-doing things in my life in reaction to my frustration that there are no do-overs is not what I need, either.

As I grow into my life and watch others do the same, I am inspired to let go and really, truly enter the perfect present. I am moving from partial presence to full, grounded, beautiful and powerful presence. This means living in the moment without plans. It means practicing love without goals. Expression and art don't understand that language, they just don't. The poem that longs to be written is like the crocus flower growing out of the mud towards the sun. It just grows.

Taking down time is impossible but taking down the limits of the mind and external structures that keep us from living in the moment, that can be done.

Enjoy the day :)
Lindsay