It takes way more responsibility to enjoy your life than to complain about it. It takes way more responsibility to handle your pleasure than to be angry at other people because you are not getting yours. It takes way more responsibility to investigate your desires than to blame others because your dreams haven't come true. There is no such thing as failure when you pursue your inner desires. The only failure is compromise and mediocrity.
- Regina Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena!)
Good morning! Happy Monday.
A friend of mine recently gave me a copy of Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts. Have you heard of it? Mama G is a leader in the field of women's pleasure, sexuality, relationships, love and happiness. She's about getting, having, receiving and knowing fully you are worthy of IT. She's talking about identifying what YOU want and going for that. No shame. No complaining. No settling.
Just the feeling and fulfillment of desires!
Yesterday, in two separate conversations, the same topic came up: texting habits with someone they're dating. How much to text, waiting back for a text, sending one and getting no reply, how to read a guy's interest level by his texting. This moved into a broader discussion of online habits. I admitted to still checking the Facebook page of the guy I used to date, as if seeing if he has a new friend or page "Like" means anything to me anymore, which it doesn't. This led to a deeper discussion about being the pursuer or the pursued, to what extent the women should be making a legitimate effort to put herself on a guy's radar, how to move him into a place of wanting what you want if he doesn't (because we think we can control this things -- RIGHT), how long is too long to wait, la la la la la, and then, in a moment in between our scrutiny, perhaps while we were each chewing our turkey burgers and brussel sprouts, I had a thought:
Cleopatra would never check his Facebook page.
Now, we're all at a certain point in our process but as far as I'm concerned, and I say this with no apologies, I definitely have to woman up (that's my version of 'man up!') a bit if I'm going to survive -- no, thrive! -- in the dating waters of NYC. I'm seeking some inspiration, lest I live out my prime dating years with any hint of a wet towel disposition. Now, we just lost the incomparable Elizabeth Taylor, one of the most beautiful women whoever graced the earth. A woman who, in my opinion (and Camile Paglia's, check out her interview with Salon soon after Liz's death), was someone whose beauty, sensuality and full ownership of her womanhood actually makes me want to wear pink. There are so many things that Liz leaves behind and what most comes to mind is the POWER she radiated and command of her beauty that we saw every time she stepped on screen. Look at her!
Now, it helps when you look like that but even if you don't, and let's assume here that most of the general population doesn't, isnt' the key to unlocking the door to our own power realizing we all have a spark of Cleopatra and Liz inside of us? We all do? YES!
So, based on this information what does it mean and how does it translate into dating, sex, relationships, love and fulfillment of desires? Expect to be treated like gold. Don't chase. If someone doesn't show the interest, no sticking around. Conversely, if the person shows a lot more interest, perhaps continue spending time with the person if you're having fun. I don't know about you, but I'm breaking out the metaphorical (and on some nights, literal) smokey, khol eyeliner because I am truly sick of being 33 years old and still not owning the power I have inside me that IS my divine goddessness.
My teachers have been saying this forever to me and I'm listening now. Your weight? Doesn't matter. Your age? Nope. The number of wrinkles on your face? Irrelevant. Past history with attracting and enjoying your love life? Gone, good bye. The way you've been treated in the past? OVER.
It's a new day and the opportunity for a new way of living awaits. What would Cleopatra say?
Darling, you are gorgeous. You are stunning and radiant inside and out. As such, you deserve to be treated with complete care, respect and love. Your freedom and happiness is in your hands so go out there and create it, go out there and allow it, go out into the world with the grace and confidence of the person you always were and are ready to be now. Love you, darling. I have to go rule a kingdom but before I go, just, one more thing: chasing is for squirrels, texting is for teens, get off line already and start living your dreams.
Love,
Cleopatra
Have a great day!!
Love,
Lindsay
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Life is for the Living, Loving & LEAPING
Good morning!
I've been diving deep into my passion for acting and writing. I'm very excited to start a new acting workshop tonight which meets every Sunday from 6pm-9pm. It's taught by British actor John Windsor-Cunningham. Apparently he is teaching 14 actors and actresses how to play British characters and we'll be working with texts by Wilde, Pinter, and good ole' Shakespeare, to name a few. Mr. Windsor-Cunningham (could we get any more British sounding than that?) is not charging a fee because he says this is part of his giving back to the world of theater. Check out his website www.thealmostfree.com. Sounds great to me. I'll be eager to test out my authenticity with some of my colleagues at the BBC. Tonight, we start with the "Importance of Being Earnest". I have the thin, little pink players copy right here beside me and am already enjoying the read.
I love going to the theater, which is one of my favorite things about living in NYC. I saw the play "High" yesterday in its first night of previews on Broadway. It star Kathleen Turner as a tough love giving, foul mouthed talking, recovering alcoholic nun whose life is changed when she is asked to counsel/sponsor a young, troubled boy addicted to drugs. I had a lot of issues with the show and would almost consider seeing it again after it opens to see if some changes are made. As it stands, I would say that despite Kathleen's Turner solid, powerful performance, the production is flawed. The stakes aren't high enough, the understated style of the Priest nearly sucks the life out of every scene he's in, the young actor playing the addict comes off like he is working just too hard and I think the direction misses some very good opportunities to get more out of the text, particularly in the relationship between the priest and the boy.
My half time and post game analysis with the brilliant and talented student/friend of mine, Brian Paul, was a real treat. His insights were so good that the two women sitting in front of us were drawn to get involved in our conversation. Well, to be fair, initially they turned to tell us to keep our voices down but then they found his insights so engaging that they started asking him questions! It was so sweet. We stayed after the show, all of us chatting about what we had just witnessed, until the usher politely gave us the boot. "High" is paying at the Booth Theater.
I was talking to my therapist yesterday about my professional goals and how I feel very strongly like I am developing a clear, empowering vision of what I want to achieve as an actress/performing artist, writer, producer and my latest idea, film director (I'm researching classes at NYU or the New School. Let's get a camera in these hands!). He challenged me to think about why certain things are part of my "picture of success" that are not so much about the craft but a certain kind of status or popularity, awards, lifestyle, fanfare, etc. To use a metaphor, he reminded me that when I played soccer my whole life I never thought about much besides the ball at my feet and playing the game. Living in the moment. Come what may (and a lot did come). I think one association I make with my success lounging at Sundance in a cool flannel shirt, big glasses, and dark skinny jeans while getting set to brief a pool of reporters about my latest film is because there is still a degree to which I doubt my adequacy as an actress, writer and ARTIST. It's because I felt I needed some level or degree of visibility and achievement mirrored back at me to help me feel better about myself because inside I didn't feel good enough.
It may be time to dust off my copy of Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way.
Well, I'm glad to be working that stuff out now because however my passion for my work, abilities, intentions, and a little luck end up synching with the Universe, I am aware of my vulnerabilities: a need for outside approval. I am free to really focus and concentrate on my work and my reasons for doing what I do. I am even open to finding out I don't really love it after all. Maybe I'm just caught up in a tizzy of big time external validation. I may end up going back to school to be a social worker helping people with eating disorders. Who knows. I'm open to my deepest truth, bring it...
At the end of the day, the work I do and the reasons I do it should be rooted in one, key source of motivation:
100 PURE LOVE.
I've got to be willing to do it if everybody is watching or nobody's watching, if I'm getting paid a million bucks or 1 buck (or no bucks), whether I'm 140 pounds or 115 pounds, whether my efforts result in a following/fan base or the consistent, loving validation of my two parents and small, devoted audience (hi, thanks for reading, I love you :)) There is nothing to prove to anybody. It's just a question of proving to myself that I have the balls to follow my bliss, pursue what truly makes me happy despite the challenges that come with it and ultimately follow a path that makes me want to leap out of my cozy bed each morning!
I said LEAP (check out the link)!
Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading.....
Love,
Lindsay
I've been diving deep into my passion for acting and writing. I'm very excited to start a new acting workshop tonight which meets every Sunday from 6pm-9pm. It's taught by British actor John Windsor-Cunningham. Apparently he is teaching 14 actors and actresses how to play British characters and we'll be working with texts by Wilde, Pinter, and good ole' Shakespeare, to name a few. Mr. Windsor-Cunningham (could we get any more British sounding than that?) is not charging a fee because he says this is part of his giving back to the world of theater. Check out his website www.thealmostfree.com. Sounds great to me. I'll be eager to test out my authenticity with some of my colleagues at the BBC. Tonight, we start with the "Importance of Being Earnest". I have the thin, little pink players copy right here beside me and am already enjoying the read.
I love going to the theater, which is one of my favorite things about living in NYC. I saw the play "High" yesterday in its first night of previews on Broadway. It star Kathleen Turner as a tough love giving, foul mouthed talking, recovering alcoholic nun whose life is changed when she is asked to counsel/sponsor a young, troubled boy addicted to drugs. I had a lot of issues with the show and would almost consider seeing it again after it opens to see if some changes are made. As it stands, I would say that despite Kathleen's Turner solid, powerful performance, the production is flawed. The stakes aren't high enough, the understated style of the Priest nearly sucks the life out of every scene he's in, the young actor playing the addict comes off like he is working just too hard and I think the direction misses some very good opportunities to get more out of the text, particularly in the relationship between the priest and the boy.
My half time and post game analysis with the brilliant and talented student/friend of mine, Brian Paul, was a real treat. His insights were so good that the two women sitting in front of us were drawn to get involved in our conversation. Well, to be fair, initially they turned to tell us to keep our voices down but then they found his insights so engaging that they started asking him questions! It was so sweet. We stayed after the show, all of us chatting about what we had just witnessed, until the usher politely gave us the boot. "High" is paying at the Booth Theater.
I was talking to my therapist yesterday about my professional goals and how I feel very strongly like I am developing a clear, empowering vision of what I want to achieve as an actress/performing artist, writer, producer and my latest idea, film director (I'm researching classes at NYU or the New School. Let's get a camera in these hands!). He challenged me to think about why certain things are part of my "picture of success" that are not so much about the craft but a certain kind of status or popularity, awards, lifestyle, fanfare, etc. To use a metaphor, he reminded me that when I played soccer my whole life I never thought about much besides the ball at my feet and playing the game. Living in the moment. Come what may (and a lot did come). I think one association I make with my success lounging at Sundance in a cool flannel shirt, big glasses, and dark skinny jeans while getting set to brief a pool of reporters about my latest film is because there is still a degree to which I doubt my adequacy as an actress, writer and ARTIST. It's because I felt I needed some level or degree of visibility and achievement mirrored back at me to help me feel better about myself because inside I didn't feel good enough.
It may be time to dust off my copy of Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way.
Well, I'm glad to be working that stuff out now because however my passion for my work, abilities, intentions, and a little luck end up synching with the Universe, I am aware of my vulnerabilities: a need for outside approval. I am free to really focus and concentrate on my work and my reasons for doing what I do. I am even open to finding out I don't really love it after all. Maybe I'm just caught up in a tizzy of big time external validation. I may end up going back to school to be a social worker helping people with eating disorders. Who knows. I'm open to my deepest truth, bring it...
At the end of the day, the work I do and the reasons I do it should be rooted in one, key source of motivation:
100 PURE LOVE.
I've got to be willing to do it if everybody is watching or nobody's watching, if I'm getting paid a million bucks or 1 buck (or no bucks), whether I'm 140 pounds or 115 pounds, whether my efforts result in a following/fan base or the consistent, loving validation of my two parents and small, devoted audience (hi, thanks for reading, I love you :)) There is nothing to prove to anybody. It's just a question of proving to myself that I have the balls to follow my bliss, pursue what truly makes me happy despite the challenges that come with it and ultimately follow a path that makes me want to leap out of my cozy bed each morning!
I said LEAP (check out the link)!
Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading.....
Love,
Lindsay
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Are You A Model?
Good morning!
I just finished reading an article on Salon.com by Melissa Johnson. Melissa, a documentary filmmaker and writer, is also my friend, former co-worker at the BBC and director of a webisode I was in for ComedyCentral.com. In Melissa's article,
"The Tallest Woman in the Room Tells All", she tells her tale of growing up tall, as in 6'4" tall, and dealing with what she pointedly observes as other people projecting onto her their own senses of themselves. It's a funny, touching piece and I suggest you check it out in its entirety, but here is an excerpt.
Melissa writes:
Besides, maybe I had it all wrong. I had fallen into the trap that athletes can't seem to avoid -- thinking that it's all about you. Like any true fans, these people were simply using me to reflect what they saw in themselves. I was a walking Rorschach, mirroring their self-image. The hipster secretly loathed himself. My colleague who had been in the accident felt her need for medical repair. The Kentucky mom saw me as the spinster daughter she had created. And the kid saw me as a princess because she saw herself as a princess. Maybe this is how it is for everyone with some noticeable difference -- whether a physical disability, extreme beauty or just being really, really tall.
-Melissa Johnson for Salon.com
As a 5'3" shorty whose only issue with height is a longing to wear heels again (currently out of the question because of an ankle condition) to gain a few inches, it was very interesting to read Melissa's point of view and imagine myself in her situation. I loved the part about her being asked "Are you a model?" and responding with "No, I'm a basketball player" (she played at Harvard). What do you think most men get asked first when they're really tall? Are you a model? No. Are you a power forward or a shooting guard? Yep.
Melissa's account of being 6'4" and navigating the dating waters made me realize again that whatever you're given that you can't change (would you believe someone once asked her about a limbs shortening procedure!?), it really is up to YOU to choose whether you make it a blessing or a curse...
...which ties in nicely with a Dr. Seuss quote I posted on Facebook yesterday that was on a card an intenSati student of mine gave me. It's from the story about Sneetches, do you know it? I didn't but I do now.
I'm quite happy to say ~ that the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day ~ the day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches ~ and no kind of Sneetch is best on the beaches. ~Dr. Seuss
I guess this post is coming down to the value of self acceptance. Oh, how conditioned we all are to imagine ladder rungs and tiered levels of excellence from the pointed pinnacle of a pyramid down to its wide base of mediocrity. I'm not going to deny that there are aptitudes, achievements and skill sets which reflect levels of excellence -- I'll never forget the hissy fit I threw (I think it lasted a few years) after my dad had an operation with a doctor who wasn't one of The Best in his field and subsequently there were complications. I went ballistic. How can you not go with THE BEST?!
It is healthy to seek excellence but what I think happens is that too often in the pursuit we end up trying to model qualities that are not even necessarily our own. Or, we get an image in our head of what we think success looks like. We start to look outside of us for measures instead of inside of us for the source. I might look at someone else and say THAT is IT, over there, that is what excellence should look like and since I don't possess that, I'm not even in the running.
So not true! Oh my goodness. So. Not. True.
No kind of Sneetch is best on the beach...
Clearly, if Melissa spent too much time worrying about what others think, about not belonging, or about trying to decide how she can fit into a mold that is a more acceptable definition of A Beautiful Woman (what would that even be -- under 6'?) I doubt she would be thriving in her life, publishing her work on Salon and getting ready to hit the festival circuit with her upcoming documentary film, "No Look Pass". She empowered herself to be her best self. She worked from the inside out. That's 6 feet 4" of inspiration and as far as I am concerned, she really IS a model. A ROLE MODEL. Work it, MJ!
xo,
Lindsay
I just finished reading an article on Salon.com by Melissa Johnson. Melissa, a documentary filmmaker and writer, is also my friend, former co-worker at the BBC and director of a webisode I was in for ComedyCentral.com. In Melissa's article,
"The Tallest Woman in the Room Tells All", she tells her tale of growing up tall, as in 6'4" tall, and dealing with what she pointedly observes as other people projecting onto her their own senses of themselves. It's a funny, touching piece and I suggest you check it out in its entirety, but here is an excerpt.
Melissa writes:
Besides, maybe I had it all wrong. I had fallen into the trap that athletes can't seem to avoid -- thinking that it's all about you. Like any true fans, these people were simply using me to reflect what they saw in themselves. I was a walking Rorschach, mirroring their self-image. The hipster secretly loathed himself. My colleague who had been in the accident felt her need for medical repair. The Kentucky mom saw me as the spinster daughter she had created. And the kid saw me as a princess because she saw herself as a princess. Maybe this is how it is for everyone with some noticeable difference -- whether a physical disability, extreme beauty or just being really, really tall.
-Melissa Johnson for Salon.com
As a 5'3" shorty whose only issue with height is a longing to wear heels again (currently out of the question because of an ankle condition) to gain a few inches, it was very interesting to read Melissa's point of view and imagine myself in her situation. I loved the part about her being asked "Are you a model?" and responding with "No, I'm a basketball player" (she played at Harvard). What do you think most men get asked first when they're really tall? Are you a model? No. Are you a power forward or a shooting guard? Yep.
Melissa's account of being 6'4" and navigating the dating waters made me realize again that whatever you're given that you can't change (would you believe someone once asked her about a limbs shortening procedure!?), it really is up to YOU to choose whether you make it a blessing or a curse...
...which ties in nicely with a Dr. Seuss quote I posted on Facebook yesterday that was on a card an intenSati student of mine gave me. It's from the story about Sneetches, do you know it? I didn't but I do now.
I'm quite happy to say ~ that the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day ~ the day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches ~ and no kind of Sneetch is best on the beaches. ~Dr. Seuss
I guess this post is coming down to the value of self acceptance. Oh, how conditioned we all are to imagine ladder rungs and tiered levels of excellence from the pointed pinnacle of a pyramid down to its wide base of mediocrity. I'm not going to deny that there are aptitudes, achievements and skill sets which reflect levels of excellence -- I'll never forget the hissy fit I threw (I think it lasted a few years) after my dad had an operation with a doctor who wasn't one of The Best in his field and subsequently there were complications. I went ballistic. How can you not go with THE BEST?!
It is healthy to seek excellence but what I think happens is that too often in the pursuit we end up trying to model qualities that are not even necessarily our own. Or, we get an image in our head of what we think success looks like. We start to look outside of us for measures instead of inside of us for the source. I might look at someone else and say THAT is IT, over there, that is what excellence should look like and since I don't possess that, I'm not even in the running.
So not true! Oh my goodness. So. Not. True.
No kind of Sneetch is best on the beach...
Clearly, if Melissa spent too much time worrying about what others think, about not belonging, or about trying to decide how she can fit into a mold that is a more acceptable definition of A Beautiful Woman (what would that even be -- under 6'?) I doubt she would be thriving in her life, publishing her work on Salon and getting ready to hit the festival circuit with her upcoming documentary film, "No Look Pass". She empowered herself to be her best self. She worked from the inside out. That's 6 feet 4" of inspiration and as far as I am concerned, she really IS a model. A ROLE MODEL. Work it, MJ!
xo,
Lindsay
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Quiet Faith
"If I act upon what really excites me, I will trust that all the other circumstances I really need to continue to act upon what excites me the most will fall into place. Even if they are not what I originally expected. Don't you want some surprise in your life? Let them be positive surprises! If you simply move in the direction of what excites you the most, all the ingredients will fall into place to allow you to continue in that same direction. It does work. It's a simple mechanism but you have to trust it, believe in it and act upon it before you even begin to see it work. There are no exceptions. Not even you."
-Bashar
I was with my brother the other night having dinner before the Janet Jackson concert at Radio City Music Hall. When it comes to doing "what really excites me", I would have to put seeing Janet in concert near the top of my long list. From the days of memorizing all her choreography, dressing as Rhythm Nation 1814 Janet for Halloween and wondering what major to declare while an undergrad at Cornell that would best prepare me to be Janet Jackson when I grow up (you think I'm kidding), let's just say that there is a special place in my heart for Janet that few can understand or appreciate. I may have tossed the life-sized, cardboard Janet figure that my basketball teammates bought me as a good luck token back in my high school days, but I am no less revering. I fully, unabashedly worship at the alter of JJ and do not think anybody who does pop music these days can rival her in strength, sass, sex appeal, sweetness and staying power. Go Janet!
In an odd twist of events, I had developed a full blown case of laryngitis and on the night of the concert could only whisper. So, over dinner with my bro, when our conversation turned to making movies (as it often does) and we both started getting excited about our own movie ideas (which we always do) the most I can really do was smile, LISTEN, and feel. You know I love to feed the vision and heart's desire, so then we started imagining one of our films getting into a festival like Sundance, Cannes, Tribecca, SXSW, or Toronto. Pack the parka!
It was really interesting for me to not be able to use my voice to exclaim how exciting this would be and how it feels. How I can imagine waking up late in the mountains of Utah, enjoying a non-oatbran bacon and egg breakfast with other filmmakers, all of whom are passionately, madly, deeply in love with their projects and sharing in the thrill of getting this far, going into a dark theater and seeing our film credits role, sinking into our seats, hearing the audience laugh at our well executed jokes -- so amazing, so vivid...
Smiling and whispering my heart's desire is different than my usual MO. In intenSati class, for example, when we shout "I want it! I have it! I have a dream and it's all working out!" you can bet I'm speaking really LOUDLY over the pulsing music. I know that for me there's been a FAITH issue, so overcoming the doubt was and sometimes still is helped along with a good dose of high volume, as if my pump, pump, pump it up actions are enough to silence the doubt and bring about the changes in me and alignments in the Universe I seek.
If I still doubt if I'm being heard, that's when I start to wonder. Who am I, Yentyl? Papa, can you hear me? Papa, can you see me? Papa, I don't have complete faith in myself so I am going to pump up the volume until you DO hear me.
I don't think faith works like that entirely. In fact, I know it doesn't. A clearly communicated goal and statement of faith said with emotion behind it is amazing, but I'm sure there is also a subtlety principle to manifesting. As I write this, I am in the basement of my parents' home on Long Island (working on a gorgeous MAC, go mom!) and it is so quiet. I can hear myself think. I can feel certainty in my heart and I can hear the soft sound of Yes, a whisper. It's why I love hiking in the mountains or sitting by the ocean so much -- for those soft, subtle sounds of nature which remind me that I don't have to work so hard. I don't have to scream.
I don't have to lose my voice.
If it's always about an external object, some thing or some One, hearing me, that's missing the point, too. It really is about ME hearing ME and it comes down to whether I believe me or not. When I do, things start to take care of themselves.
I am a lot like most people in that I don't like pain. I don't like to feel bad, so I try to minimize pain as much as possible -- sometimes in healthy ways, sometimes, well, not so much (we're all works in progress). Doubt causes me pain. Denial of what I really, really, really, really, really want to do and be and become in my life causes me pain. So, to absolve myself from pain in a healthy way, I practice as much FAITH and HEART HONESTY as I can.
Today, I choose to follow a path that excites me!! I change my old beliefs in quiet fashion, recognizing that it is not the volume of my voice but the devotion of my heart to what I love that causes me to hear myself. I trust that the Universe, my Big Papa, my friends/family, and brilliant opportunities come into my path because of my willingness to believe in myself and do my work, sometimes without making a sound...
OH, btw, the Janet concert was amazing and although I couldn't sing along AT ALL, I was still able to do all the moves, appreciate everybody else singing along, hear Janet and not myself, and effectively feel like I was 17 years old for about 90 minutes. So blissful. 100% PURE LOVE. :)
I welcome and appreciate thoughts about developing your own faith in yourself and your creative process. Please leave a comment here or email lindspiration@gmail.com. Thank you!
xo,
Lindsay
-Bashar
I was with my brother the other night having dinner before the Janet Jackson concert at Radio City Music Hall. When it comes to doing "what really excites me", I would have to put seeing Janet in concert near the top of my long list. From the days of memorizing all her choreography, dressing as Rhythm Nation 1814 Janet for Halloween and wondering what major to declare while an undergrad at Cornell that would best prepare me to be Janet Jackson when I grow up (you think I'm kidding), let's just say that there is a special place in my heart for Janet that few can understand or appreciate. I may have tossed the life-sized, cardboard Janet figure that my basketball teammates bought me as a good luck token back in my high school days, but I am no less revering. I fully, unabashedly worship at the alter of JJ and do not think anybody who does pop music these days can rival her in strength, sass, sex appeal, sweetness and staying power. Go Janet!
In an odd twist of events, I had developed a full blown case of laryngitis and on the night of the concert could only whisper. So, over dinner with my bro, when our conversation turned to making movies (as it often does) and we both started getting excited about our own movie ideas (which we always do) the most I can really do was smile, LISTEN, and feel. You know I love to feed the vision and heart's desire, so then we started imagining one of our films getting into a festival like Sundance, Cannes, Tribecca, SXSW, or Toronto. Pack the parka!
It was really interesting for me to not be able to use my voice to exclaim how exciting this would be and how it feels. How I can imagine waking up late in the mountains of Utah, enjoying a non-oatbran bacon and egg breakfast with other filmmakers, all of whom are passionately, madly, deeply in love with their projects and sharing in the thrill of getting this far, going into a dark theater and seeing our film credits role, sinking into our seats, hearing the audience laugh at our well executed jokes -- so amazing, so vivid...
Smiling and whispering my heart's desire is different than my usual MO. In intenSati class, for example, when we shout "I want it! I have it! I have a dream and it's all working out!" you can bet I'm speaking really LOUDLY over the pulsing music. I know that for me there's been a FAITH issue, so overcoming the doubt was and sometimes still is helped along with a good dose of high volume, as if my pump, pump, pump it up actions are enough to silence the doubt and bring about the changes in me and alignments in the Universe I seek.
If I still doubt if I'm being heard, that's when I start to wonder. Who am I, Yentyl? Papa, can you hear me? Papa, can you see me? Papa, I don't have complete faith in myself so I am going to pump up the volume until you DO hear me.
I don't think faith works like that entirely. In fact, I know it doesn't. A clearly communicated goal and statement of faith said with emotion behind it is amazing, but I'm sure there is also a subtlety principle to manifesting. As I write this, I am in the basement of my parents' home on Long Island (working on a gorgeous MAC, go mom!) and it is so quiet. I can hear myself think. I can feel certainty in my heart and I can hear the soft sound of Yes, a whisper. It's why I love hiking in the mountains or sitting by the ocean so much -- for those soft, subtle sounds of nature which remind me that I don't have to work so hard. I don't have to scream.
I don't have to lose my voice.
If it's always about an external object, some thing or some One, hearing me, that's missing the point, too. It really is about ME hearing ME and it comes down to whether I believe me or not. When I do, things start to take care of themselves.
I am a lot like most people in that I don't like pain. I don't like to feel bad, so I try to minimize pain as much as possible -- sometimes in healthy ways, sometimes, well, not so much (we're all works in progress). Doubt causes me pain. Denial of what I really, really, really, really, really want to do and be and become in my life causes me pain. So, to absolve myself from pain in a healthy way, I practice as much FAITH and HEART HONESTY as I can.
Today, I choose to follow a path that excites me!! I change my old beliefs in quiet fashion, recognizing that it is not the volume of my voice but the devotion of my heart to what I love that causes me to hear myself. I trust that the Universe, my Big Papa, my friends/family, and brilliant opportunities come into my path because of my willingness to believe in myself and do my work, sometimes without making a sound...
OH, btw, the Janet concert was amazing and although I couldn't sing along AT ALL, I was still able to do all the moves, appreciate everybody else singing along, hear Janet and not myself, and effectively feel like I was 17 years old for about 90 minutes. So blissful. 100% PURE LOVE. :)
I welcome and appreciate thoughts about developing your own faith in yourself and your creative process. Please leave a comment here or email lindspiration@gmail.com. Thank you!
xo,
Lindsay
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Be Aware and Friends Bearing Gifts
Good morning!
I'm grateful and happy to share some exciting news about the one act play that I wrote called "Suspended". It was just accepted into the Manhattan Repertory Theatre's Spring 2011 Play Competition! As tends to be the trend with me, I didn't have any intention to submit it to this festival, mainly because I wasn't AWARE of its existence, mainly because I wasn't doing a thorough job being across any and all short play festivals to which I could potentially submit my piece! Fortunately, a friend and fellow actress/playwright emailed me about it, which brought it to my attention. The rest is history and it goes up in May. Stay tuned for all the details! :)
We really do help each other out when we share information, right? I don't want to make excuses but there is a lot of content on the web so obviously even if you're really on the ball, you can still miss something. Let's keep supporting our fellow artists and friends with information that supports everybody's growth. Let's help each other be aware of all the exciting opportunities available!
I have got to say -- I have some really, really thoughtful friends. On St. Patrick's Day, which, if you were in midtown Manhattan like I was (my office is just outside of Times Square) could only be described as "Drunk and Drunker", my coworker came up to me at around 10am with a big grin on her face and a tall, cold pressed, fresh organic GREEN juice for me. I started drinking these things about a month ago and have one a day. They're very nutritious and while they don't exactly go down like a Carvel malted, they do the job of providing essential nutrients I may miss if I am not salad loading. Anyway, I haven't had a drink of alcohol in close to two years, so when someone is kind enough to show up with a little gesture that says to me, "I've got your sober, wellness oriented back, girl!" it feels really good.
Next, a few days later, a friend of mine came over to stay on my couch for a night. She had an early appointment in the city and didn't want to commute from Jersey, where she recently moved. During the move, she went through a lot of books and CDs and is attempting to get rid of the books and music she no longer needs after having uploaded what she wants onto her computer. It was time for her Spring cleaning and guess who ended up being the beneficiary? MOI!
The stuff she brought me was so perfect for me it made me cry. As I unloaded each item from the box, I felt like I was at my baby shower or engagement party. I sat in my big chair while she sat on the floor grinning up at me with glee. I took time to marvel over each object, hold up, smile, and place it on the ottomon. Curious what this well-read artist friend of mine dropped off? I'll tell you:
Books
Hitting Your Mark: Making a Life and Living as a Film Actor
Getting the Part: 33 Professional Casting Directors Tell You How to Get Work in Theater, Films, Commercials and TV
Audition Arsenal for Women in their 30s
The Vagabond by Colette
The War of Art
A Challenge for the Actor by Uta Hagen
A Little Jewish Cookbook (for this little, Jewish non cook!)
Wreck This Journal (which comes with a dedication "to perfectionists all over the world" and instructions on how to loosen up, get messy, have fun and create)
Music
Ray Charles "Genius Loves Company"
Jeb Loy Nichols "Just What Time It Is"
Marianne Williamson "Spiritual Principles"
"Treasures Left Behind: Remembering Kate Wolf"
"Sweet Dreams: Baby's First Classics"
"Music from Garden State"
Blues Traveler "Truth Be Told"
Anutha Zone "Dr. John"
"Japan For Sale vol. 2"
Faudel "Another Sun"
Somber Wurlitzer "Greater California"
Barry White "All Time Greatest Hits" :)
E. Bland "Soulcentric"
Patty Larkin "Red Luck"
...and a Pilates Weight Loss Conditioning DVD, bah bum!!!
What a collection, right!? Her relief in letting go of these books and CDs was obvious. She's had them forever, they're just things, stuff, taking up space and crowding her place. For me, they're the perfect addition to my libraries and nourishment for my passions. Her loss is my gain. She also brought me these adorable handmade coasters.
We are all in a constant state of giving and receiving. That's the foundation of relationships, right? A healthy giver is great. A healthy receiver is also great! Do you know how to receive and believe you are worth it? Do you also give yourself props for being such a thoughtful giver? Thank you for all you give me to me (as a supportive reader) and for receiving my writing. Such gifts of the heart! Oh, yes. :)
There's so much that we need to share
So send a smile and show you care
So give a little bit
Oh, give a little bit of your love to me
-Supertramp
I'm grateful and happy to share some exciting news about the one act play that I wrote called "Suspended". It was just accepted into the Manhattan Repertory Theatre's Spring 2011 Play Competition! As tends to be the trend with me, I didn't have any intention to submit it to this festival, mainly because I wasn't AWARE of its existence, mainly because I wasn't doing a thorough job being across any and all short play festivals to which I could potentially submit my piece! Fortunately, a friend and fellow actress/playwright emailed me about it, which brought it to my attention. The rest is history and it goes up in May. Stay tuned for all the details! :)
We really do help each other out when we share information, right? I don't want to make excuses but there is a lot of content on the web so obviously even if you're really on the ball, you can still miss something. Let's keep supporting our fellow artists and friends with information that supports everybody's growth. Let's help each other be aware of all the exciting opportunities available!
I have got to say -- I have some really, really thoughtful friends. On St. Patrick's Day, which, if you were in midtown Manhattan like I was (my office is just outside of Times Square) could only be described as "Drunk and Drunker", my coworker came up to me at around 10am with a big grin on her face and a tall, cold pressed, fresh organic GREEN juice for me. I started drinking these things about a month ago and have one a day. They're very nutritious and while they don't exactly go down like a Carvel malted, they do the job of providing essential nutrients I may miss if I am not salad loading. Anyway, I haven't had a drink of alcohol in close to two years, so when someone is kind enough to show up with a little gesture that says to me, "I've got your sober, wellness oriented back, girl!" it feels really good.
Next, a few days later, a friend of mine came over to stay on my couch for a night. She had an early appointment in the city and didn't want to commute from Jersey, where she recently moved. During the move, she went through a lot of books and CDs and is attempting to get rid of the books and music she no longer needs after having uploaded what she wants onto her computer. It was time for her Spring cleaning and guess who ended up being the beneficiary? MOI!
The stuff she brought me was so perfect for me it made me cry. As I unloaded each item from the box, I felt like I was at my baby shower or engagement party. I sat in my big chair while she sat on the floor grinning up at me with glee. I took time to marvel over each object, hold up, smile, and place it on the ottomon. Curious what this well-read artist friend of mine dropped off? I'll tell you:
Books
Hitting Your Mark: Making a Life and Living as a Film Actor
Getting the Part: 33 Professional Casting Directors Tell You How to Get Work in Theater, Films, Commercials and TV
Audition Arsenal for Women in their 30s
The Vagabond by Colette
The War of Art
A Challenge for the Actor by Uta Hagen
A Little Jewish Cookbook (for this little, Jewish non cook!)
Wreck This Journal (which comes with a dedication "to perfectionists all over the world" and instructions on how to loosen up, get messy, have fun and create)
Music
Ray Charles "Genius Loves Company"
Jeb Loy Nichols "Just What Time It Is"
Marianne Williamson "Spiritual Principles"
"Treasures Left Behind: Remembering Kate Wolf"
"Sweet Dreams: Baby's First Classics"
"Music from Garden State"
Blues Traveler "Truth Be Told"
Anutha Zone "Dr. John"
"Japan For Sale vol. 2"
Faudel "Another Sun"
Somber Wurlitzer "Greater California"
Barry White "All Time Greatest Hits" :)
E. Bland "Soulcentric"
Patty Larkin "Red Luck"
...and a Pilates Weight Loss Conditioning DVD, bah bum!!!
What a collection, right!? Her relief in letting go of these books and CDs was obvious. She's had them forever, they're just things, stuff, taking up space and crowding her place. For me, they're the perfect addition to my libraries and nourishment for my passions. Her loss is my gain. She also brought me these adorable handmade coasters.
We are all in a constant state of giving and receiving. That's the foundation of relationships, right? A healthy giver is great. A healthy receiver is also great! Do you know how to receive and believe you are worth it? Do you also give yourself props for being such a thoughtful giver? Thank you for all you give me to me (as a supportive reader) and for receiving my writing. Such gifts of the heart! Oh, yes. :)
There's so much that we need to share
So send a smile and show you care
So give a little bit
Oh, give a little bit of your love to me
-Supertramp
Friday, March 18, 2011
Little Darling, the smile's returning to the faces.
Little Darling, it seems like years since it's been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun.
-The Beatles
There's nothing like NPR telling me it's becoming sunny today with a high near 70 to turn the little corners of my mouth upward. For the last month, I've been so cold and part of the pool of New Yorkers that didn't take a warm vacation to swim in a real pool under hot, sunny skies. I've relied upon city escapes like bikram yoga or the sauna at my gym (both effective, btw) and a warm coat that my coworker told me looks like a stylish hazmat suit (I think it was a compliment), as well as almost daily exercise, vitamins, healthy eating...I am grateful to say for the first time I didn't get the flu once this year. I had only one winter cold. Amazing. That said, I've been really sick of it and contemplating where else I might want to live.
My complaints about the weather were pushed aside by the environmental disaster in Japan. Nothing like thousands of deaths and the tick-tock-tick-tock-when-on-the-clock-are-we-going-to-experience-a-full-nuclear-meltdown- with-radioactive-plumes-coming-to-an-open-west-coast-sky-near-you to cause an inner shift. In the past, I didn't give world calamities caused by Mother Nature and Man combined excessive attention. With Haiti, India, even Katrina, I remember just not wanting to look closely at all the devastation. The collective suffering was much too upsetting. This time, for better or worse, I am riveted. I'm watching news coverage on a daily basis ranging from animated explanations of nuclear cooling systems to clips showing abandoned dogs sniffing around flooded terrain in search of their owners. (I swear they are crying, too.) I am looking closely at photos of the wreckage and listening to subtitled broadcasts in Japanese, a language I don't speak, and I've thought about how I can help besides just donating money.
I am not sure what's come over me with this one but on top of not wanting to see and feel others suffer, I'm sure I am also very afraid of the devastation reaching me. At the end of the day, like you (presumably), I don't want to die. I don't want to get really sick, either. I really love being alive and I love feeling healthy.
I remember my acting teacher telling us how losing his fear of death freed him. For me, I think it comes down to needing to have a looser grip on life. Being here amongst each other, we are not each other's possessions. I don't really "have" anything so I really can't "lose" anything. It might just be that it's the greatest illusion I've bought into, thinking that some things or some people are mine.
My friend and guide said to me the other day that you can't let go of someone you never had and will always have. I loved this so much, especially the part about always having, since what we do have, what we do own, is the love we feel for someone or something. We have the appreciation, the gratitude, the understanding and the memories.
We always have those feelings for all things in our life that we encounter and experience, for life itself. So, I guess with that understanding, I will go off into the world today knowing that I truly have no ownership over anything in my life today. I can simply try to be grateful for the gifts, the borrowed time and the sun.
Little Darling, it seems like years since it's been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun.
-The Beatles
There's nothing like NPR telling me it's becoming sunny today with a high near 70 to turn the little corners of my mouth upward. For the last month, I've been so cold and part of the pool of New Yorkers that didn't take a warm vacation to swim in a real pool under hot, sunny skies. I've relied upon city escapes like bikram yoga or the sauna at my gym (both effective, btw) and a warm coat that my coworker told me looks like a stylish hazmat suit (I think it was a compliment), as well as almost daily exercise, vitamins, healthy eating...I am grateful to say for the first time I didn't get the flu once this year. I had only one winter cold. Amazing. That said, I've been really sick of it and contemplating where else I might want to live.
My complaints about the weather were pushed aside by the environmental disaster in Japan. Nothing like thousands of deaths and the tick-tock-tick-tock-when-on-the-clock-are-we-going-to-experience-a-full-nuclear-meltdown- with-radioactive-plumes-coming-to-an-open-west-coast-sky-near-you to cause an inner shift. In the past, I didn't give world calamities caused by Mother Nature and Man combined excessive attention. With Haiti, India, even Katrina, I remember just not wanting to look closely at all the devastation. The collective suffering was much too upsetting. This time, for better or worse, I am riveted. I'm watching news coverage on a daily basis ranging from animated explanations of nuclear cooling systems to clips showing abandoned dogs sniffing around flooded terrain in search of their owners. (I swear they are crying, too.) I am looking closely at photos of the wreckage and listening to subtitled broadcasts in Japanese, a language I don't speak, and I've thought about how I can help besides just donating money.
I am not sure what's come over me with this one but on top of not wanting to see and feel others suffer, I'm sure I am also very afraid of the devastation reaching me. At the end of the day, like you (presumably), I don't want to die. I don't want to get really sick, either. I really love being alive and I love feeling healthy.
I remember my acting teacher telling us how losing his fear of death freed him. For me, I think it comes down to needing to have a looser grip on life. Being here amongst each other, we are not each other's possessions. I don't really "have" anything so I really can't "lose" anything. It might just be that it's the greatest illusion I've bought into, thinking that some things or some people are mine.
My friend and guide said to me the other day that you can't let go of someone you never had and will always have. I loved this so much, especially the part about always having, since what we do have, what we do own, is the love we feel for someone or something. We have the appreciation, the gratitude, the understanding and the memories.
We always have those feelings for all things in our life that we encounter and experience, for life itself. So, I guess with that understanding, I will go off into the world today knowing that I truly have no ownership over anything in my life today. I can simply try to be grateful for the gifts, the borrowed time and the sun.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Net Effects of Social Networking
Good Sunday morning! I just finished reading NPR's review of NY Times Op-Ed writer David Brooks' latest book, The Social Animal. Brooks explores the way emotions as well as our interconnectedness influence behavior and how "most importantly ... most of our thinking happens below the level of awareness."
It sounds like we really are up against our unconscious.
Rejoice when the mind is not negligent.
Be content with mindfulness.
~Buddha
A few tools that are helping me considerably these days are daily meditation, writing and finding moments of silence. I don't keep a TV on when I'm in the apartment and I try to take my walks in quieter places of the City without always listening my iPod. I journal every day and I look to my journal as the place where I give my below-the-surface rumblings a chance to be heard.
I don't always like what comes up and am often amazed at what a difference a day makes when it comes to perception. I can look at a circumstance in my life one way on Monday and by Friday (which may be 2 or 3 journal entries later) my thinking has done a triple lutz.
When it comes to making decisions, I try to find that sweet spot between not acting too soon (under-considering) or waiting too long (over-considering).
I am starting to become more aware of group persuasion going on as a result of internet connectedness. I am looking much more closely at the effects of my own internet habits, including social media in general and Facebook in particular. The reality for me is that I am way, way, way too easily distracted by online activities and I am definitely giving it more time than I want to be. I work 2 jobs and don't have much downtime. The time I do have is precious and if I didn't feel like I'd be missing out on something, I'd be on Facebook only once a day for about 15 minutes. Instead, it's constant and intermittent throughout the day. I also am hooked on any positive attention zings that my friends give me, I have to admit. Meanwhile, I have a shelf of unread books that are calling me!!!
Please, Lindsay, read me instead of commenting on your friend's thoughts about Girl Scout cookies. Who cares if people know you like Thin Mints better than someone else's preference for Samoas. Do you need to post yet another picture of yourself? I think your +1,100 friends know what you look like.
Love,
W. Somerset Maugham
Plus, I think there is some fragmenting going on in my brain thanks to the internet and it makes me even more unwilling to do things that are the necessities of responsible, adult living. I love having fun and it's fun playtime with my friends, yes. (When is one too old to use a phrase like "fun playtime"?) It's also a way to increase visibility for myself and my work (writer, performing artist, fitness instructor). That said, I'm a little over feeling like a kid who doesn't wanna do her work anymore because she'd rather tool around online and stay up late on Facebook.
I also felt really uncomfortable yesterday and today still when so many of us (myself included) went on with Facebook business as usual while Japan is in a state of utter devastation and emergency. How does one person spend time updating her status while another person across the world is absorbing the effects of a nuclear reactor meltdown? After I "Liked" a story about how to make a generous donation, which resulted in the link popping up along with a picture of 3 elderly Japanese women covered in light blue blankets (the picture changed and today there is a little girl in a pink jacket and yellow hardhat being carried by a rescue worker), I realized how at once connected and far apart we really are. Their pain is in my news feed.
Returning to David Brooks' book, which I want to read and may be The Book Which Gets Me Offline, check out this really cute video that animates a segment on a child's unwillingness to do his homework and mom's attempt to discipline him. Are you surprised to see what actually work? I wasn't. :)
Thanks for reading.
Best,
Lindsay
It sounds like we really are up against our unconscious.
Rejoice when the mind is not negligent.
Be content with mindfulness.
~Buddha
A few tools that are helping me considerably these days are daily meditation, writing and finding moments of silence. I don't keep a TV on when I'm in the apartment and I try to take my walks in quieter places of the City without always listening my iPod. I journal every day and I look to my journal as the place where I give my below-the-surface rumblings a chance to be heard.
I don't always like what comes up and am often amazed at what a difference a day makes when it comes to perception. I can look at a circumstance in my life one way on Monday and by Friday (which may be 2 or 3 journal entries later) my thinking has done a triple lutz.
When it comes to making decisions, I try to find that sweet spot between not acting too soon (under-considering) or waiting too long (over-considering).
I am starting to become more aware of group persuasion going on as a result of internet connectedness. I am looking much more closely at the effects of my own internet habits, including social media in general and Facebook in particular. The reality for me is that I am way, way, way too easily distracted by online activities and I am definitely giving it more time than I want to be. I work 2 jobs and don't have much downtime. The time I do have is precious and if I didn't feel like I'd be missing out on something, I'd be on Facebook only once a day for about 15 minutes. Instead, it's constant and intermittent throughout the day. I also am hooked on any positive attention zings that my friends give me, I have to admit. Meanwhile, I have a shelf of unread books that are calling me!!!
Please, Lindsay, read me instead of commenting on your friend's thoughts about Girl Scout cookies. Who cares if people know you like Thin Mints better than someone else's preference for Samoas. Do you need to post yet another picture of yourself? I think your +1,100 friends know what you look like.
Love,
W. Somerset Maugham
Plus, I think there is some fragmenting going on in my brain thanks to the internet and it makes me even more unwilling to do things that are the necessities of responsible, adult living. I love having fun and it's fun playtime with my friends, yes. (When is one too old to use a phrase like "fun playtime"?) It's also a way to increase visibility for myself and my work (writer, performing artist, fitness instructor). That said, I'm a little over feeling like a kid who doesn't wanna do her work anymore because she'd rather tool around online and stay up late on Facebook.
I also felt really uncomfortable yesterday and today still when so many of us (myself included) went on with Facebook business as usual while Japan is in a state of utter devastation and emergency. How does one person spend time updating her status while another person across the world is absorbing the effects of a nuclear reactor meltdown? After I "Liked" a story about how to make a generous donation, which resulted in the link popping up along with a picture of 3 elderly Japanese women covered in light blue blankets (the picture changed and today there is a little girl in a pink jacket and yellow hardhat being carried by a rescue worker), I realized how at once connected and far apart we really are. Their pain is in my news feed.
Returning to David Brooks' book, which I want to read and may be The Book Which Gets Me Offline, check out this really cute video that animates a segment on a child's unwillingness to do his homework and mom's attempt to discipline him. Are you surprised to see what actually work? I wasn't. :)
Thanks for reading.
Best,
Lindsay
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Up to Speed
Good morning! Quickie post here this morning before I go teach intenSati at Equinox Columbus Circle, YES!
Did you ever feel like you aren't keeping up to speed with your desires and dreams? As if your heart's desires keep growing bigger and bigger while the circumstances of your life don't appear to be changing much? You could feel like you need to run run run to get "there"? Well, from what I am learning, the way to close the gap between who or where you are and who or what you want to become is to understand that there is no gap. There is no distance. In terms of a universe that is immune to limits of space and time, it is already all here now. Again, how do you get out of the way? How do you get up to speed?
Example:
I'm sitting on my couch. I'm writing this blog, Lindspiration, on the morning of March 12, 2011. I am watching the latest video by J Lo and thinking to myself, "Wow, it would be so fun to record a party song just like that and make a sick video!" Then, I have the choice to either feed or starve this idea. The starving would be something like, "Keep dreaming. You have NO shot at something like that." The feed, if you will, would be something like, "Damn right! Why not? In fact, mine would have much more dancers than hers so it would be more my style, less focus on pouring all that booze and more of a focus on the choreography. I know who I would want to dance in my vid, which stylists I'd hire for the wardrobe, in fact, I'm now assembling my WHOLE CREATIVE TEAM in my mind's eye!! There you go!! You know, J Lo, whatever you think about her talent, has managed to do exactly what I want to do, which is, act, sing, dance, produce, even judge on Idol, but I would substitute being a writer for that gig. Actually, judging Idol would be fun, too, who are we kidding, so I can do both, yes yes yes!"
That's how you start to feed your heart's desire...
Then, another tool of the trade is to match the energetic vibration and feeling of what you want. So, if I want to be a platinum selling recording artist with sick, sick, sick music videos, I can act as if I have it NOW. Getting ready for "work" this morning, which is my teaching gig, I prepare as if I am that artist NOW. It feels great! Wow, it feels amazing to be living my dream today and I sing out loud in my apartment, start moving my body, dancing, stretching, and positively walk tall as I am now happier than ever before, since I AM living my dream!! I know my students will love being around me today as I share my gifts and talents with them so they can inspire themselves to follow their hearts!! It already is feeling better now.
You might have a a dream in your heart that you don't feel up to speed with. When you give 100% PURE LOVE to your vision, when you stop making excuses or judging your dream as anything other than a gift and a blessing, the appreciation and cultivation of which is your responsibility, you are FREE!
Did you ever feel like you aren't keeping up to speed with your desires and dreams? As if your heart's desires keep growing bigger and bigger while the circumstances of your life don't appear to be changing much? You could feel like you need to run run run to get "there"? Well, from what I am learning, the way to close the gap between who or where you are and who or what you want to become is to understand that there is no gap. There is no distance. In terms of a universe that is immune to limits of space and time, it is already all here now. Again, how do you get out of the way? How do you get up to speed?
Example:
I'm sitting on my couch. I'm writing this blog, Lindspiration, on the morning of March 12, 2011. I am watching the latest video by J Lo and thinking to myself, "Wow, it would be so fun to record a party song just like that and make a sick video!" Then, I have the choice to either feed or starve this idea. The starving would be something like, "Keep dreaming. You have NO shot at something like that." The feed, if you will, would be something like, "Damn right! Why not? In fact, mine would have much more dancers than hers so it would be more my style, less focus on pouring all that booze and more of a focus on the choreography. I know who I would want to dance in my vid, which stylists I'd hire for the wardrobe, in fact, I'm now assembling my WHOLE CREATIVE TEAM in my mind's eye!! There you go!! You know, J Lo, whatever you think about her talent, has managed to do exactly what I want to do, which is, act, sing, dance, produce, even judge on Idol, but I would substitute being a writer for that gig. Actually, judging Idol would be fun, too, who are we kidding, so I can do both, yes yes yes!"
That's how you start to feed your heart's desire...
Then, another tool of the trade is to match the energetic vibration and feeling of what you want. So, if I want to be a platinum selling recording artist with sick, sick, sick music videos, I can act as if I have it NOW. Getting ready for "work" this morning, which is my teaching gig, I prepare as if I am that artist NOW. It feels great! Wow, it feels amazing to be living my dream today and I sing out loud in my apartment, start moving my body, dancing, stretching, and positively walk tall as I am now happier than ever before, since I AM living my dream!! I know my students will love being around me today as I share my gifts and talents with them so they can inspire themselves to follow their hearts!! It already is feeling better now.
You might have a a dream in your heart that you don't feel up to speed with. When you give 100% PURE LOVE to your vision, when you stop making excuses or judging your dream as anything other than a gift and a blessing, the appreciation and cultivation of which is your responsibility, you are FREE!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Success Is All I See
Good morning!
One of the affirmations I am teaching this month in intenSati class is "Success is all I see". It is paired with the action for FOCUS, which is a lot like chair pose in yoga except your hands and arms are pointed down towards the ground instead of the sky. Then you criss-cross your arms (over under over under) and add a little jog in place. (Ok, maybe it's not really like chair pose.) You could leave out the jog and just squeeze your legs together like you have an unlimited Metrocard between your thighs (I heard that metaphor in a bikram yoga class) and you'll get a wonderful benefit. I love FOCUS!
So, returning to this affirmation about success...I am choosing to see it all over the place this month and this is a very exciting shift for me! I grew up with a lot of success in the conventional sense of the word. I was a star soccer player, high scoring point guard on the basketball team, straight A student, student government secretary and even Prom Queen. I had a lot of great friends, was a good girl in class, and I did service for the community that garnered very positive attention. Whether or not I struggled with feelings of inferiority at times (and I did) the point I'm making is that my understanding of what it means to be successful was entirely tied to RESULTS. I was a winner and if I lost a game or did poorly (at the time that meant a B), I picked myself up and was motivated for the next opportunity to achieve greatness. I certainly loved what I was doing but as far as feeling successful at it, that was about winning, scoring and achieving. It was about being the best.
Well, when I arrived as a freshman at Cornell University, I was not really surprised from an intellectual standpoint that everybody was outstanding and were also high school standouts. Emotionally, however, was a different story. I started to compare myself to others. I was straight As but she was Valedictorian. I was musical but she played 3 instruments. You get the picture. I internalized that I was no longer successful enough to feel successful. This thought process was progressive, not to mention destructive. I was playing Varsity Soccer along with All Americans and all I could think was that I was nominated but that wasn't good enough. In fact, now I was "just a scrub on the bench" (again, nobody told me that, it was my perspective). I was taking a challenging, pre-med course load but wasn't a success because I was getting Cs and in some cases Ds, which turned into Bs and Cs after we were all graded on a curve. Then there were all of the pressures I felt inside the Greek system. Socially, I just did not have it in me to pander to fraternity guys or sorority girls and rather than feel empowered by my perspective that most of what I saw around me was just just plain dumb, I felt unsuccessful. By fall semester sophomore year I had developed a full blown eating disorder and lost all sense of myself as a success.
This lasted a very long time. Once you start to believe you are a failure, it can be very hard to turn that thought train around. That is why catching your limiting beliefs early is KEY. Grab them, bring them to light and challenge them before they becoming too firmly planted!!!
I worked for years on recovering that feeling of success but it always remained elusive. Everything I was doing felt like it didn't measure up to what I used to do. I wasn't winning awards anymore so I didn't have any external markers of success. I also grew to resent external praise, so I was in this weird conflict of wanting it and hating it at the same time. At some point, I began to realize that my old way of defining success and the measures and markers which I felt I needed to feel successful weren't working. They were outdated. Like, seriously outdated.
I wish I can say I just turned it around 1-2-3 but it's actually taken me years to transform. (I'm told this is good because it means it will last a lifetime once it's really internalized. Success is all I see.) I am still very much in this process of releasing old, outdated perspectives on success and embracing, believing and truly living by my new ones. I have a lot of teachers and mentors who offer great ideas and I've come up with my own, too. It's exciting. Actually, it's more than exciting -- it is freeing! When you let go of a way of thinking you've had since childhood that is no longer to your benefit, it's a huge release. Breathe in, breathe out.
So, with that, I offer to you ways I am seeing success these days:
Success is what I see when you give a great effort. Ex. I am a blogger and exerting a great effort to write truthfully and get my work out into the blogosphere. Success!
Success is what I see when you stay committed and show up for your passions. Ex. I woke up really tired today but went to 6:30am intenSati anyway. Success!
Success is what I see when you do a behavior that may not be for your highest good, but is at least a less extreme version of what you used to do. Ex. Yesterday I ate three cookies for a snack instead of 3 bags. Success!
Success is what I see in people's collective, shared routines for the greater good. Ex. Scores of people packing into the 6 train to get to work on time this morning. Success!
Success is what I see in the reaching for a goal. Ex. I will teach on Friday and Saturday morning this week and see my dedicated students working on their fitness and health goals. Success!
Success is what I see in service. Ex. When someone extends a hand to uplift another person, even if the person they are trying to reach rejects the hand of help, it is still a success.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly have very big dreams and goals for myself today and I love to get great results. The difference is I don't need to to feel an emptiness or sense of failure any more if I haven't reached them yet or even if I never do! I will never again hang my happiness on achievement alone. The gift of seeing success and feeling successful is found in deeper, more intricate ways. I hope this helps you see this for yourself.
What does success mean to you?? The bigger the better when it comes to how you choose to define it and I would love to hear your ideas.
Thank you for reading!
Best,
Lindsay
One of the affirmations I am teaching this month in intenSati class is "Success is all I see". It is paired with the action for FOCUS, which is a lot like chair pose in yoga except your hands and arms are pointed down towards the ground instead of the sky. Then you criss-cross your arms (over under over under) and add a little jog in place. (Ok, maybe it's not really like chair pose.) You could leave out the jog and just squeeze your legs together like you have an unlimited Metrocard between your thighs (I heard that metaphor in a bikram yoga class) and you'll get a wonderful benefit. I love FOCUS!
So, returning to this affirmation about success...I am choosing to see it all over the place this month and this is a very exciting shift for me! I grew up with a lot of success in the conventional sense of the word. I was a star soccer player, high scoring point guard on the basketball team, straight A student, student government secretary and even Prom Queen. I had a lot of great friends, was a good girl in class, and I did service for the community that garnered very positive attention. Whether or not I struggled with feelings of inferiority at times (and I did) the point I'm making is that my understanding of what it means to be successful was entirely tied to RESULTS. I was a winner and if I lost a game or did poorly (at the time that meant a B), I picked myself up and was motivated for the next opportunity to achieve greatness. I certainly loved what I was doing but as far as feeling successful at it, that was about winning, scoring and achieving. It was about being the best.
Well, when I arrived as a freshman at Cornell University, I was not really surprised from an intellectual standpoint that everybody was outstanding and were also high school standouts. Emotionally, however, was a different story. I started to compare myself to others. I was straight As but she was Valedictorian. I was musical but she played 3 instruments. You get the picture. I internalized that I was no longer successful enough to feel successful. This thought process was progressive, not to mention destructive. I was playing Varsity Soccer along with All Americans and all I could think was that I was nominated but that wasn't good enough. In fact, now I was "just a scrub on the bench" (again, nobody told me that, it was my perspective). I was taking a challenging, pre-med course load but wasn't a success because I was getting Cs and in some cases Ds, which turned into Bs and Cs after we were all graded on a curve. Then there were all of the pressures I felt inside the Greek system. Socially, I just did not have it in me to pander to fraternity guys or sorority girls and rather than feel empowered by my perspective that most of what I saw around me was just just plain dumb, I felt unsuccessful. By fall semester sophomore year I had developed a full blown eating disorder and lost all sense of myself as a success.
This lasted a very long time. Once you start to believe you are a failure, it can be very hard to turn that thought train around. That is why catching your limiting beliefs early is KEY. Grab them, bring them to light and challenge them before they becoming too firmly planted!!!
I worked for years on recovering that feeling of success but it always remained elusive. Everything I was doing felt like it didn't measure up to what I used to do. I wasn't winning awards anymore so I didn't have any external markers of success. I also grew to resent external praise, so I was in this weird conflict of wanting it and hating it at the same time. At some point, I began to realize that my old way of defining success and the measures and markers which I felt I needed to feel successful weren't working. They were outdated. Like, seriously outdated.
I wish I can say I just turned it around 1-2-3 but it's actually taken me years to transform. (I'm told this is good because it means it will last a lifetime once it's really internalized. Success is all I see.) I am still very much in this process of releasing old, outdated perspectives on success and embracing, believing and truly living by my new ones. I have a lot of teachers and mentors who offer great ideas and I've come up with my own, too. It's exciting. Actually, it's more than exciting -- it is freeing! When you let go of a way of thinking you've had since childhood that is no longer to your benefit, it's a huge release. Breathe in, breathe out.
So, with that, I offer to you ways I am seeing success these days:
Success is what I see when you give a great effort. Ex. I am a blogger and exerting a great effort to write truthfully and get my work out into the blogosphere. Success!
Success is what I see when you stay committed and show up for your passions. Ex. I woke up really tired today but went to 6:30am intenSati anyway. Success!
Success is what I see when you do a behavior that may not be for your highest good, but is at least a less extreme version of what you used to do. Ex. Yesterday I ate three cookies for a snack instead of 3 bags. Success!
Success is what I see in people's collective, shared routines for the greater good. Ex. Scores of people packing into the 6 train to get to work on time this morning. Success!
Success is what I see in the reaching for a goal. Ex. I will teach on Friday and Saturday morning this week and see my dedicated students working on their fitness and health goals. Success!
Success is what I see in service. Ex. When someone extends a hand to uplift another person, even if the person they are trying to reach rejects the hand of help, it is still a success.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly have very big dreams and goals for myself today and I love to get great results. The difference is I don't need to to feel an emptiness or sense of failure any more if I haven't reached them yet or even if I never do! I will never again hang my happiness on achievement alone. The gift of seeing success and feeling successful is found in deeper, more intricate ways. I hope this helps you see this for yourself.
What does success mean to you?? The bigger the better when it comes to how you choose to define it and I would love to hear your ideas.
Thank you for reading!
Best,
Lindsay
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
New Routine
Good morning!
I am learning a lot about people by teaching group fitness and one thing I discovered recently is that people just love their usual routines. People like to have their classes set and their gym times confirmed, so much so that it's as if the decision is already made and no longer up for debate. You can see people's commitment to working out is supported by the regularity of their routine. I guess we really are, as my dad likes to say, creatures of habit.
It can be great when your routine is working for you but overwhelming when it's not. Take a look at your usual routines and ask yourself whether they are really in your best interest. The January "New Year, New You" boost is over and we're not quite into spring yet when there's a planetary momentum to get recharged (join me in VT!), so you may have fallen into a few behaviors, patterns and routines that are not very healthy. Think for a moment about what you've established for yourself with regularity and frequency.
If something is not bringing you what you want or doesn't feel good, ultimately, let it go. Thank it for its usefulness. Set the intention to choose a new action. Make one small change today and let that be your positive affirmation in action!
I've written about something I call the discomfort bridge. When you break a routine and start something new, you may with each step feel like you're crossing a very rickety and wobbly bridge. Not the easiest thing to endure, a little scary, but a very necessary part of growth. You can move along a step at at time. If you can just trust that discomfort bridge for a little while, it will take you to exactly where you need to be next. It's not even up to you to know where that next place is. Faith alone that you're leaving a certain starting point for a more fruitful destination is good enough.
Speaking of fruit, I recently broke out of a usual routine that was no longer working for me. It was a familiar one. I want a relationship and was seeing someone who doesn't. Still, I had my heart in this and felt, thought, hoped it could be the seed of a beautiful relationship tree! But, alas, it didn't sprout. Or, it wasn't sprouting at my pace. Or, the seed was sprouting into an apple tree seed and I wanted mangoes. Yeah, we're taking a very sweet, nutrient dense, healthy fruit of a relationship that's protected by a strong outer shell and is capable of creating new life thanks to its large pit. Refreshing. Messy (how human!). Found in warm climates. Yes, I'm looking for a relationship with someone that puts the man in mangoes.
So, moving from food science to chemistry, what happens after you initiate a break from your usual routine? There is a shift in energy. Remember it takes energy to break bonds so you may feel defeated or depleted when you break a routine. That definitely describes my last month but I've given myself time to feel it all and my energy is returning. The First Law of Thermodynamics says energy can be transformed from one form to another but it cannot be created or destroyed. The energy has got to go somewhere and this is good news.
Your usual routine, when broken, gives you energy to put into a NEW ROUTINE. If you don't keep that energy flowing, however, you're going to turn in on yourself and spend a lot of time on the couch, in bed, or putting that energy into behaviors that are not healthy.
At times like this, it's so important to call up your capacity for being gentle with yourself. It is called a "break" for a reason and any disruption -- even one that has you moving from a familiar place to one that is even more amazing, extraordinary, enriching and abundant -- is more than just uncomfortable. It is scary. What's the best antidote for fear? Love. What's one of the best ways to love yourself? Taking healthy, loving actions. You always have the choice to take special, sweet care of yourself.
So much good awaits you in the new.
Best,
Lindsay
Thursday, March 3, 2011
My Right Foot
Good morning!
I'm writing on the heels of a breakthrough in my physical therapy that will lead to, among other things, the chance to wear high heels again. For those of you who don't know, I had ankle reconstruction surgery in mid-July 2010. It was the third operation I had on my right ankle, with the previous two being for injuries sustained back in 2005. All my injuries happened while I was playing soccer, one of my deepest passions.
It's been really upsetting and hard for me to lose the power, grace and strength of my right foot. I dribbled around a lot of people and scored many goals with this puppy. I've also been a dancer my whole life. To say that I identify my feet as one of the my biggest gifts and valuable parts of my body would be an understatement.
The rehab process has been pretty long, complicated and expensive. My insurance company started denying the "medical necessity" of my coverage. This, before I could even jog again. I am in the appeals process and meanwhile paying out of pocket for the therapy. What I've learned about myself is how easily discouraged and defeated I can become, which results in inaction. Inertia. Not a great trait but a normal human reaction, ok. Sometime in January I stopped doing my PT exercises at home. I think I really stopped believing I would heal completely. I lost faith I'd ever be back to doing what I love without feeling spastic.
I started this off by saying I had a breakthrough last night but it really began on Oscar night. I had been feeling very afraid because there's been this pain collecting in the heal for a few months now almost daily. Beside teaching intenSati, I've been staying off it, but as I really needed to do some cardio and it was an off time at the gym, I just walked over to the treadmill to do some walking. On the two adjacent flat screens above the treadmill were the Oscar red carpet pre-show and an Arsenal football game. Actresses glammed out in high heels next to talented professional soccer dudes darting about the pitch in top form, scoring goals. I filled with a lot of emotion, A LOT, and I just looked down at my foot and thought to myself in a really quiet whisper -- enough is enough.
I stepped onto the treadmill and started to walk at 4.5. Then I raised the speed to about 6.0. I moved into a steady jog. I started mentally affirming that I am strong now, my ankle is at full strength, I am ready...
After about 15 minutes, I stepped off the treadmill and moved onto a calf stretcher. I stretched the bejeezus out of this thing. Guess what? It felt AMAZING. The pain was gone. The next day, ditto. No pain.
At physical therapy last night, we (me and one of my talented therapists, Luke) both agreed that it was time to stop babying or protecting my ankle. Now, that doesn't mean strapping on the stilettos (which would involve buying them first, I don't own a pair) and cleats (ditto, my old ones are in my parents' garage on Long Island) just yet. Rather, it means really engaging the foot and ankle in my physical therapy, which we did last night, and returning to a daily routine that is more challenging and active. Last night I was doing so many exercises to engage my feet, toes, calves -- the workout was so SPECIFIC and made me feel like each individual toe was special and had value, which is true, but you forget these sorta things! -- and it was just awesome.
You see, it is no longer the right time to lay off this thing. I've been overprotecting it, actually. The moment is ready for me to jump in and challenge myself much more fully.
The healing phase is long over. It's a lot like a broken heart, too, isn't it? You give yourself some time to heal but then enough is enough, it's time to get back on both feet, re-enter the game and have fun!
I realized I can be so grateful for this process and extend this to include all adversity, which is really our greatest teacher. I've learned there is a time for laying back and a time to move ahead! I am learning to be patient with myself while I apply different approaches and learn what really works. I'm learning the value of a confident belief in myself and faith I will achieve the result I've intended from the get go -- FULL and COMPLETE restoration of my right ankle so I can do ALL the things I LOVE, including soccer and dancing! I'm learning that money is not everything but it sure is useful when you need to hire expensive experts. I am grateful I have abundance and for the generosity of my family's support.
The lessons list goes on and on. I strongly suggest doing what you can to develop "downstream" thinking about any adversity you are currently facing. When you let go of resistance and stop thinking about your challenge as a thorn in your side, when you start embracing it as the teacher from whom you need to learn the most valuable lessons that will enhance, stretch, strengthen and improve your depth as a human being, is when things start to feel easier.
Very deep, strong people learn from their adversity and are leaders from whom others can learn to look at life as serving them, not victimizing them. I know people like this and I am grateful I am becoming a person like this thanks to my circumstances and all the gifts of my right foot.
Wishing you well today!!! :)
Lindsay
Are you looking to rest, revitalize and recharge!? I am teaching intenSati at a beautiful, boutique retreat in Plymouth, VT called GOOD COMMONS and would love you to join me April 7-10! I love GOOD COMMONS and know you will, too! Details found here and email lindspiration@gmail.com with any questions!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)