I was walking home from work last night on the way to yoga and I took a stroll through Central Park. I came across 3 of my fellow intenSati leaders teaching classes and it was so inspiring to see! I felt so open and connected to nature. The air and sun in perfect balance. Noises pleasant but not overwhelming. I felt I can run, skip and dance (which I did, while still in my work clothes, right into one of the intenSati classes. SO fun!).
When you think about it, life is really giving you opportunities every day, minute and moment to choose inspiration or deflation.
Let's start with deflation. Everybody knows what it's like to feel a sense of loss. As if the wind is not gathering to move your sails or, worse, you are like a balloon. You get the tiniest little whole in your skin and the result is...well, you know. It's just a hole the size of a needle but then all your air is gone!
The other option is inspiration. Inspiration is actually a state of being. It's a state of mind, heart and soul. There is a quality of openness. Readiness. Sensitivity. Presence. You can't fake inspiration because when you are inspired you are just authentically YOU. There is nothing to do and nobody to be but be yourself.
I'm going to Rome and Tuscany next month. Omg. Yes. I will be in the heart and birthplace of the Renaissance. I'm sure it will be mind-blowing beyond what I can even begin to imagine right here! Inspiration on steroids. :)
That said, you don't have to be painting the Sistine Chapel to be considered as inspired. You know that moment you're brushing your teeth and trying to remember where you put the dental floss, then, almost out of thin air, you realize just what you need to do to handle that situation at work? Or, you are just walking down the street and you float into ABC Carpet and Home, let your mind run wild, and start decorating an apartment you don't even own yet. Maybe you just take pen to paper and start doodling, drawing, writing a few lines until you arrive at this one image or sentence that causes you to exhale. It's so truthful. It came from deep inside you.
This is all inspiration! It can happen anywhere anytime and on any level. Micro, medium, macro -- it's all great. Just choose it today. Be open to inspiration.
If you feel inspired today, I would love to know. Please comment here or email me at lindspiration@gmail.com.
Just like a car needs a steering wheel to direct the power of the engine, so does our ambition need focus to carry us to the completion of our goals. When we let confidence fuel our efforts, while using a positive mind-set to focus our direction, we can’t help but be successful in nearly any undertaking.
-DailyOM
Good am! I thought this excerpt from the DailyOM was an appropriate metaphor to write and share on this morning. Not only have I been thinking a lot about my ambitions and the importance of focus to carry them out, but, bracing myself, I am also going to the NYS Department of Motor Vehicles in two hours to replace an expired driver's license.
I will be doing some driving this July 4th weekend! On Long Island. In a Pathfinder. "Blazing trails (under 65mph) for my desires (to see my friends and go to the beach)!"
I am excited to write in this moment. It is easier to talk a good game when I am not consumed with playing it. I'm now done with the show MEN and most likely won't be acting again until I shoot a film in late July, the feature length indy "Like School on a Saturday" (dir. Sean Sawyer), in which I play the main character's mother. In the meantime, I am free to relax, reflect on my ambitions and line up some thoughts in my mind and heart that will pave the way for a future of more opportunity and abundance.
Sound a little lofty for a Wednesday? Come on, what better way to get over the hump?! Vrrrrrooooom!
This last acting gig choked me up a little. I got freaked out and wasn't sure I even want to proceed in this game. Why? Because it felt SO HARD. The story I seem married to is that, for me and only me, acting is HARD. Other things, not so hard. But acting. OH. MAN. The nerves. The endless lines running around in my brain 24/7. The courage to get up in front of people and risk -- gasp! -- judgment, rejection, criticism, indifference (bigger gasp!), imperfection and god knows what else, all in front of a paying audience...it is JUST TOO MUCH.
Then, when I have breakthroughs and in-the-zone performances, which I feel like I did while performing one of the monologues during the second and fourth nights of MEN, I feel triumphant and relieved. I guess I am in that moment, considering what I was up against in my brain, but this all wouldn't even be necessary if I didn't buy into my story in the first place:
Acting is Hard
By: Lindsay B. Davis
Chapter 1: The craft is hard
Chapter 2: The business is hard
Chapter 3: Day jobs until you make it are hard
Chapter 4: Why are you procrastinating right now? GO REHEARSE!
Chapter 5: All Actors are Narcissists
I don't want this book on my summer reading list. It's not a beach book. It's more like a bitch book. Or, a block. A brick. On my back!! Do you buy into anything comparable? Not about my acting. :) About your...anything? If so, can you start to break it down? Right here right now.
I'm not saying acting doesn't have challenges. Of course it does. It is a craft. They call it that for a reason! And of course the business has its challenges. Still, I know that when it comes to pursuing goals, perception is the rule. I'm not saying deny reality but after so many years studying and working as an actor, I feel like it's time to reframe what I am doing or at least write a more love-based story. I would rather save the ROCKY montage for something with a few more actual staircases because the truth is, acting is NOT that hard.
Surrendering the ego is.
After I do the work, the preparation, relaxation, imagination dance, it comes. What remains most hard or difficult is taming my ego. The part of me which wants (ok, demands) instant validation, praise, approval, success, money gigs, and short cuts. The part of me that wants to hide which definitely conflicts with the part of me that can be courageously vulnerable and revealing in the context of a story while performing in front of an audience. This same ego creates the Acting is Hard story and wants to quit when the going gets tough and road seems long. "Pull a Thelma and Louise and just jump off that cliff," says the Ego to my Dreamer Driver.
F*$# YOU. I will not. The only scene I'd ever replay from that movie is the one where Brad Pitt visits Gina Davis, thank you very much!
Which brings me back to the original point of this post -- FOCUS. Focusing on what is strong, beautiful, creative and passionate in you is what will keep your energy up (I've been saying that in class a lot lately. Love it. Energy UP!) and heart lifted. Having clarity to see what books you're writing and being willing to toss them out the window WILL help you accomplish what you seek.
To close, let's end with a song. PINK's "Shut Up and Drive"? Nah, not this morning. Another one-named wonder, one whose music who I am craving a lot these days -- STING -- and this beautiful tune called "The Book of My Life":
There's a chapter on love
where the ink's never dry.
-Sting
So, yes. Write a love story today. Short and sweet. Pay attention to what you love. No speeding, Rocky montage or car metaphors necessary.
Speaking of which, wish me luck at the DMV!
Best,
Lindsay
PS Speaking of LOVE, check out this event tonight being led by my friend, the beautiful author/spiritual teacher, Margaret Nichols:
Deeksha/Oneness Blessing
Wednesday June 29th, 7:15-8:15pm
Infinity Wellness
27 West 20th Street, Suite 306
Erika Shannon Hathaway, the broadway rockstar goddess (and early deeksha enthusiast) is blowing through town on a week off from tour + she + husband Brian (hottie, hilarious, studly... you know him) will be there tomorrow night + giving an intro on their awesome loving-ness. So it is going to be all about the LOVE. Want love? Got it? Hate it? Missing it? Overcome by it for the (whoopsies) "wrong" person? Self love? Divine love? Whatever floats (or doesn't float) your boat. tomorrow. is. about. love.
Good morning! One of the affirmations I am teaching this month in intenSati class is:
I declare my dreams.
We say it while doing the intenSati action for DESIRE.
I've been sharing with my students that while I've been acting all month in a play called MEN (the final performance was last night) at Manhattan Repertory Theater, I've been feeling a lot of ambivalence, fear, doubt, and resistance. At last night's show, something really cool happened during the first monologue I performed. I felt free! I felt engaged and present. Pretty much all the things I love about acting when it's going well were there for me and the audience seemed to really enjoy what I was doing. Howwwwever, during my second monologue, I blanked twice for about half a second and essentially took a machete to the lines. :( Whether or not the audience "could tell" is not the point. I knew. I don't even know what happened but all 4 times I was not line perfect and last night was the worst one of all. Not exactly how I wanted to end but it is what it is.
I am relieved MEN is over. The content was tough to sit with for me -- two women telling stories about their very flawed relationships, one in complete denial about her philandering boyfriend and the other married to a husband so obsessed with all his high-tech gadgets he "spends most of his time in his office with his harem of digital delights." Acting is personal and to be real you either draw from your experience or imagination. For me, it's almost always a combination of the two. I've never had to rely on just one or the other. So, you sit with emotions that you may not want to feel but you do it because it's what the character is going through and for the time, you are the character. That's why acting is such an incredible exercise in allowing feelings.
I am gratefully taking a break from acting until a film I am shooting at the end of July. I am so happy about this -- both the much needed rest and the upcoming film!
This morning I was out on the river writing and tapping into Source energy, which I do by meditating and asking questions, then breathing, then writing what I hear. So, when I asked what is going on with me and this whole acting thing, I realized through what I wrote that it is much bigger than just the acting. It's actually about my dreams and who I am and how I feel I must live in this world.
What came to me is that I deserve to do great work that is valued and really serves a purpose. What also came out is I want to be "an artist inspired" and "a woman in love." I was writing and pouring into my journal these feelings about how much I really do love to create characters, perform, write stories, and have time to have process that is not rushed. Also, what came up was how much I just want to be in a state of love. Self love, romantic love and loving nature, loving my creative processes, loving art, music, just being IN LOVE with life. I also want to heal. That came through very clearly.
So, I asked further to be guided into places and relationships (both professional and personal) that reflect this deep desire. I started to imagine and feel a simple life where I have time, space and warm energy around me to do my creative work, love myself, and have loving relationships. While I had no idea how I would make any money, I didn't worry about it. It was just my morning quiet time, a time to just let the dreams bubble up to the surface simply, unadulterated and pure.
Recognizing that I have the power to create my reality based on the dreams in my heart, I hereby release my desires into the wind like a child blowing on a dandelion. I trust the seeds will root. I know the seeds will grow. And, like this little girl, the whole thing delights me:
Wishing you a wonderful day today. Oh, check out my new blog, Lindsonic! It's at lindsonic.blogspot.com. I started it during the last two weeks and probably should've been working on that second monologue during the hours I spent on it, but that's OK. :)
In this never-ending flow of life, there is an infinite array of choices.
One alone brings happiness.
To love what is...
If in any moment you can pause and come into the Presence
that's allowing what's happening,
you can respond from wisdom and compassion.
-Tara Brach
This quote is from a talk Tara Brach gave on how to deal with a tendency to look at life and/or the self with an attitude that says "something is wrong". This habit of saying things shouldn't be as they are basically propels us into a mode of figuring out what kind of fixing, changing, controlling, planning, doing, and adjusting we need to do in order to create a new set of circumstances that suit us better.
Creating and seeking transformation can either be a useful proposition or a way to flee the present moment, or a little bit of both.
When I have the thought -- Things are not supposed to BE like this! -- and don't feel life cooperating with me, I can feel a deep sensation in the gut that isn't pleasant. Usually when I am learning about myself in the process of acting, writing, teaching, or, in personal relationships, amongst colleagues, any way of relating that reflects back to me something to learn, I am tempted to pick up that thought if I am doing less than perfectly, but that is just the thought which pulls me out of the present.
Since when were learning processes ever seamless? Michael Jordan missed more than a few free throws and shots in his life. He spent hours upon hours upon HOURS training on the court! Practicing. Missing. Hitting. Practicing some more. Sure he was born with a gift, but he honed over time. If MJ stopped every time he missed a shot and told himself this was just WRONG and then left the game, well, let's not even entertain what that would've meant for the sport of basketball.
A few free throws missed is an incredible part of the learning journey. Let's even go further and say that metaphorically speaking, a free throw can mean any risk or opportunity done at no cost to yourself that stretches you into new territories. These opportunities are meant to be grabbed not missed.
In the last few days I taught 3 intenSati classes and performed twice in a play called MEN at Manhattan Repertory Theater (two more shows left - Thurs/Sat at 7PM). I am living the dream I declared. I just wish there wasn't a whole parade of fear inducing thoughts and feelings along for the ride, particularly on the acting front. I've had so much anxiety the last few weeks leading up to performance, that I really started to question if this is what I really want to be doing, especially when other practices feel so much easier to me, which I think I've written about in previous posts. I am still working through my process. All my intenSati classes were an amazing source of inspiration to help keep me grounded and empowered. I feel really grateful for the practice and the community.
The Buddhist teaching for the reacting mind is called papancha, which is a Pali word meaning "proliferation of thoughts", and as far as I'm concerned is the perfect word, since the fear thoughts give you a headache, like there is rapid fire pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa going off in the brain and in the heart, gut, etc.
I suppose when fear takes over and grabs you by the throat, for the awakened soul that knows love, it does feel "wrong". Yet, fear isn't wrong. It can't be. No feeling is wrong. It's not that it "shouldn't be like this". What is it then? A protective cover for the heart that may really be saying:
Loving with reckless abandon can lead to such disappointment. Don't you dare put yourself out there fully. Don't love it as much as you love it ALL. Don't want the moment where your creativity and beauty blooms, your imagination comes to life, you reveal yourself and revel in storytelling, present to exactly what is unfolding. DON'T give it all or you will SURELY be disappointed, somehow, or get stripped of the ball. Stay guarded! I am here to protect you, don't you get it?!?!? I am here to protect you from too much love and the pain that goes with being. I will also entice you with results and pull your focus out of the moment, out of the process, out of the learning and doing ...
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pancha (sung to the tune of La Bamba). No judgments but fear is such a soap opera, I seriously can't even stand it anymore. Yet, the name of the game IS to stand it. Be with it. Stand it. Tolerate it. Stand in it. Which is really standing up to it.
When it comes up instead of saying you shouldn't be so afraid, approach it with compassion, hearing it, feeling it and even observing which thoughts put the fear into high gear, you are truly in acceptance and free to move through and let it go. Easier said than done but that's okay. For me, I know life gives me opportunities every day to learn this lesson.
If you really want to face some fear and do it anyway, I strongly suggest you try acting. :)
Comments and feedback on this post are greatly appreciated in advance. I would love to hear your thoughts on these topics!
Good morning! I am having a really fun time teaching intenSati this month, despite a brief trip through back injury land (now healed). I've been doing special events and new classes here and there, including yesterday, when I taught intenSati to a new group, many of whom were taking class for the first time, up at the 92nd St Equinox. Last weekend, I led two classes through BeFIT NYC, the citywide health initiative to "make NYC your gym" which partners with Equinox to offer free classes to New Yorkers. Very fun. Very rewarding.
As my dear friend's husband recovers from open heart surgery this morning and a friend of the family is just getting over having had 6 new stents added, I am remembering again how important it is to be healthy. As I read articles from the dangers of lap band surgery to the Obama administration's new health initiative that will focus on wellness and prevention of disease, I am feeling a lot of gratitude that I am part of a team of people dedicated to practicing, promoting and teaching healthy behaviors.
There are many, many people out there who need to lose weight and whose current weight is a function of many factors, some of which are controllable and others (perhaps a thyroid condition) which are not. I would like to offer encouragement this morning to anybody who is caught in a cycle of eating and/or sedentary living that wants to change.
There are resources:
EXERCISE. Today, there are as many exercise formats as there are varieties of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Truly. Whether you like dance, fashion yourself the star of a remake of the Karate Kid, if you want fitness to just work your core and butt muscles, something to restore proper alignment of your spine, or, maybe just something to get your heart rate up, between all the gyms out there, DVDs and web streaming, the opportunities to do some sort of exercise led by a teacher who is fun, smart and probably cute to look at are ENDLESS. Endless. So, do a little research, observe a class, look online, and be willing to try something new.
FIND A SUPPORT GROUP. There is a group called Overeaters Anonymous that is structured like Alcoholics Anonymous and serves people who come from overeating, bulimic and anorexic backgrounds as well as eating disorders of any ilk. While there is a component that focuses on spirituality or a Power greater than yourself to facilitate healing, you can easily work around that language and just focus on the power of the group. Same goes for the overeating as illness labeling, which again you can bypass to just get the benefits of support and insight. This program has helped thousands of people throughout the world. Check out www.oa.org to find a meeting near you or if you can't get to a meeting, there are really cool podcasts from meetings in LA. Also search the web for weight loss support groups moderated by nutritionists, life coaches or therapists.
EAT LESS. I had a conversation with someone the other day that veered into the topic of weight loss. This guy had a simpler solution to the problem of obesity and overeating than I've heard in a while. His, well, let's call it how-to-just-fix-what-is-broken guy wisdom, was to just start by taking what you normally eat and reducing the amount by as much as half. Okay. :) Too easy? Too hard to actually implement? The funny thing is, while at first I dismissed it to myself as too easy and then took it to be metaphorical for a whole "halfing" of our consumption (as we all need to reduce, reuse, recycle, minimize...) I stopped the philosophizing (save that for another post) and realized that he has a point. The reasons many diets backfire is people feel SO deprived. Salads all day, the image of eating like a rabbit, budgeting points to figure out when to eat a pizza and just how much you can fit into your week (which works for some, I know, which is great!), etc. So, perhaps it would work to keep eating exactly what you want and like to eat, just have less of it. So, while you may not go full out at 50% reduction to start, I suggest you try that and fill in the gaps with vegetables or healthy juices. Or, eat a third less of everything you normally consume. This includes if you emotionally eat. Can you do half the amount of cookies instead of the whole box? YES, you can. Progress not perfection.
GO FOR HEALTHY OVER THIN. This shift in thinking really, really helped me get my eating under control. It seemed that when I held an image of thin in my head, I kept losing site of shore and where I was going. I would get distracted and frustrated easily, perhaps because I was guided by an external image as opposed to an inner feeling. A result. When I started oriented my compass towards feeling healthy and affirming behavior, I found it easier to do to stick to a way of life that works. I became encouraged on days that I just took a walk if I couldn't go to the gym, chose Chobani Greek Yogurt over Tasti Delite, finally got an annual physical and made all necessary health appointments for the summer, and stopped idealizing a body size that I will most likely never attain since I don't appear built for it and when I did have it, I didn't menstruate for a year. Now, I find tremendous empowerment from just being healthy and people often tell me I look wonderful and glow, which is a nice side effect.
TEAM UP. This is always worth repeating. Find a buddy for accountability. Find a friend for a kick-in-the-butt pep talk when you need a dose of inspiration. Find groups that love what you love and workout with them, hang with them, revel in the great effects of your healthy behaviors, whatever that looks like for you. No man or woman is an island and when it comes to getting healthy, it really, really helps to be part of a group of fellow health enthusiasts!
RELEASE THE PAST THROUGH FORGIVENESS AND COMPASSION. No matter what is the net effect is of your past behaviors, whether it led to some kind of disease, negative thought patterns perpetuated that now feel ingrained like glue, obesity, bad teeth, thousands upon thousands of dollars of medical bills, you can actually release the past through forgiveness and compassion. You really can. Nobody is hanging you outside on the guillotine slab and if they are, well, you have a few choices on how to handle these people in your life (I will save that for another post) starting with rising above their opinions of you, which don't matter. What's done is DONE. You have every right to start a new day with new intentions, a new action plan, new resources (per above) and a lighter sense of being before a single pound comes off your beautiful body.
What is working or not working for you these days when it comes to food and weight? I would love to know if you want to share here or by emailing lindspiration@gmail.com.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a land that we can thank for Starbucks, a comparison meter for our weather when we want to feel better about NYC, and one of my FAVORITE movies of all time (I think that A, you have an act and B, not having an act is your act...), I had a boyfriend.
I'm talking about Seattle, folks. Starbucks. Rain. Singles. Nice people who lack the kind of knock-you-over-in-the-subway-I-have-someplace-to-be-NOW drive that makes New Yorkers at once fiercely amazing and incredibly irritating. Seattle. A place where I found a brief period of some really sweet love.
Although it was not the longest of relationships, it was meaningful and forgive the unromantic term, a game changer. The He in question was someone I (barely) knew in high school who found me on Facebook, back when Facebook wasn't so annoying (oh, I have such beef with FB these days and don't really go on it anymore except to share about my blog, classes and shows), and the relationship existed over the phone and Skype, with a few visits in person.
He was and is a serious Buddhist. Serious, not the right word. Disciplined. Practiced. Lived in Seattle's Zen Center when we were together. Goes on meditation retreats where you DON'T TALK. At all. :) Silence. He's also an acupuncturist and massage therapist. A martial artist. Likes dogs and even cats. He's a musician, too. And he's nice.
As is usually the case when people come together, there is teaching and exchanging going on if both parties are open, which we were. I was just starting to teach intenSati and soaking up a lot of the materials that inspired the practice -- Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your LIfe, Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention, Don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements -- and he was on-his- knees-meditating deep in all things Zen. It made for some VERY interesting conversations about the nature of desire, detachment, goals, achievement, emptiness, meaning, and true nature, all with a Seinfeldian undertone, since we were both born and raised Jewish.
Ok, this is not turning into the post I wanted to write. I wanted to write about body image and Buddhism and how I am learning to find a way to accept my weight, but it's never about the weight, is it?
No, it's not. Meaning, weight can be talked about, mulled over, diets debated ad nauseum and infinitum, we can ask and receive more information about What to Do, but, as I've learned from the beginning and will continue to trust, freedom (at least for me) comes with exploring and understanding what is buried underneath the focus on food and weight. What feelings? What disturbances? What insights? What desires?
I have a normal, healthy weight. I know this because I was at the doctor yesterday for my annual physical and she told me so, after she weighed me, which I don't do since owning a scale used to drive me crazy. I'd weigh myself multiple times a day. It didn't help to monitor myself like a wrestler, it helped to let go of the number. After hearing the doctor say that I'm 5'3" and 135 lbs, while affirming how muscular I am and confirming that nothing about my belly fat indicates a health problem, I had this moment of peace.
I am fine. I'm better than fine, actually. I am healthy. I am okay. I deserve to enjoy this beauty, this body, this life, as much as I want to and can, even though I'm not skinny.
Which made me think of the Buddha, all happy joyful with his big belly, jovial, peaceful. It made me think of that relationship and time in Seattle, where I felt the absence of fear and the welcoming of my spirit. Over the years, I found every which way to put myself through the ringer, even as a fitness instructor, where I've felt that accepting myself and weight AS IS somehow signifies Fat Acceptance, which it doesn't. I sometimes let the many mirrors and leanest bodies in the city who work out at the gym get upstairs in my head and trigger this belief rather than believe I am perfect as I am.
It's all about how you perceive yourself and what you do with information, isn't it? I AM HEALTHY. All my numbers look great, test results all negative, cholesterol, thyroid, blood pressure -- healthy, healthy, healthy. After years of eating disordered behavior, I have come to the other side and while I am far from perfect, I am living in recovery today and by the power of grace, I have no residual damage from the years of self harm and abuse.
Do I want to be lean, strong, flexible, healthy and sexy? Hot, even? Yes, absolutely. :) I want to feel great and own my beauty. I want everybody to do this. I hope you do this today.
I decided I am done torturing myself with the thin ideal and choosing to make myself feel bad for not achieving the result I thought I wanted but now realize I don't even need to achieve. Will I continue a healthy eating plan and workout regime, yes, but I am not seeking weight loss right now and honestly, that feels really freeing. Radical, even.
Instead, I am practicing the art of letting go of paying so much attention to my body's appearance and going with what it feels inside. Which, ultimately, is I think what that relationship and time in Seattle taught me. I felt so loved for who I was not how I looked. It shifted me into that place of knowing, which tells me it's about what's going on deep within ourselves.
Presently, I have a few body imbalances to heal. They are in my back, my hip, and my ankle. I have emotional cues to understand, ones which are leading me to think about next steps and directions I want to take in my life. Where to go. What to do. I have thought patterns that still trip me up and require me to shhhhhhh and listen to what I'm thinking, listen to how I am processing people, places and things, and I have impulses of every variety that need tending to, much as you would tend to a small garden of many plants, flowers, weeds, green grass, and the occasional slug.
My guess is we all do. AND, my guess is that when it comes to HAPPINESS, one of the biggest barriers is not that the job, the relationship, the bank account, the weight, etc., don't line up to match your dreams, although these can certainly cause some irritation. I think the real barrier is that we are not tuned INTO ourselves on a deep enough level to know how we really feel and ultimately, who we really are. So, it starts with an inward gaze, perhaps towards your belly, that place where intuition lives.
Speaking of desires and knowing oneself, can someone remake this movie, please, so I can audition!?!?! Or, I'm going to spearhead the project myself!
Thanks for reading! Please comment here if you like to speak out on these topics. I value your voice and comments make me feel good. :) Have a great day.....
Fast post this morning to mark what I think was a turning point for me yesterday. There was a moment after work when I was walking uptown along Broadway from about Times Square until the mid 60s. On my right, I could see the treetops of Central Park. To my left, the big ball of sun was setting on the Hudson River. I was still in a lot of back pain from last weekend's injury (going to the chiro this morning, thank gd) but it felt good to walk after sitting at a desk all day.
What I started to feel was very peaceful and what I started to think is that I have it really, really good. One of the reasons I'm consistently practicing and teaching positivity is because of my tendency to feel dissatisfied in my life, as if nothing I have or do is really good enough. That second song's been with me a long time and sometimes I think it's hardwired. It is ingratitude laced with some regret threaded through a needle of fear and it completely takes me out of the moment.
So, while some people may start from a place of gratitude, acceptance and appreciation while working towards manifesting new career goals, a committed relationship with a soul mate partner, the kinds of friendships that make them happy, and whatever else their dream can hold, typically, for me, I start from a feeling of a sizable deficit or debt. It's not to say I have a hard time appreciating -- I am actually someone who finds deep, deep gratitude for moments -- but I've always felt inclined to criticize, as if easing into the moment fully with a reckless sense of satisfaction is wrong. Or, complacent. Or, something I can't exactly identify.
Yet, last night, as I thought about my very funny coworkers, the way I was able to get a chiropractor to see me in less than 24 hours to help my back, as I thought about the play I just worked on with the theater group Ticket 2 Eternity and the one coming up at Manhattan Rep, my trip to Italy I'm taking next month, buonnissimo, the happiness I felt eating "The World's Smallest Hot Fudge Sundae" at Heartland Brewery the other day, the Oprah Winfrey Master Class lesson on SURRENDER I just watched, how just being able to see, hear, feel, touch and taste this world through my sensitive senses is such a gift -- I could go on but for blog standards, I'll move on -- I felt very good. I felt very, very blessed.
I found out two days ago that a friend I knew from when I studied acting at the Bruce Ornstein Acting Workshop passed away in an accident at the young age of 30. Upon hearing this very sad, tragic news, I felt something inside of me shift. I thought of him and the energized, eccentric, talented, wonderful spirit he had, how he was always smiling in a mischievous way, and how missed he probably is right now. I thought of him on his bike. I realized he would've been perfect in my play as the bike messenger, actually, and these two words kept floating in my head:
mostly beautiful.
I don't know what these words mean to me but they kind of sum up how I feel about life. Is is, mostly beautiful. In death and loss, hurt, deception, and gross mistakes or misjudgments, there is beauty, too. The least beauty, as far as I can tell, is in refusing to be open to life. In the shutting down and avoiding all that is happening inside and around us. That's where beauty gets snuffed out.
I think about relationships and people we spend time with -- how much we need each other to wake up. How we can enter into and out of connections with people, patterns, jobs, living spaces, characters, blogs (like this one) based on timing, yearning, openness, and need, yet, when the time is up, we can move on.
Moving on is mostly beautiful, too.
This morning's post is definitely a love song because I am in that kind of a mood. What good is living if you shut down the love in your life. I spoke to my dad yesterday about the odds of making it in The Business as an actress and writer. I tried to explain how I am choosing an attitude of faith over fear, that I use the numbers game as something to motivate me to be so good at my crafts that my success will be inevitable. This, as opposed to focusing on the dissuading argument of it-ain't-happening-for-me-not-in-this-time-no-way-no-how. I realized, that in many ways, we (my dad and me) are both singing a love song. His is love of self protection and not getting hurt. Don't dream too big or else you could end up crushed. Mine is a love song of a different variety. Open myself up fully to what I desire, do all I can to accomplish and allow it to unfold. Do my best to love the process. Different kinds of love songs, I guess, but love songs just the same.
Here is the Oprah video I mentioned earlier. It is SO powerful and really teaches how to let go and surrender to the moment. I am learning that through detachment and being in the flow of the moment, there is great FREEDOM. Oprah describes the process of loving and letting go so eloquently -- enjoy:
I am in rehearsals for a show that goes up on June 18th and the process if giving me an incredible opportunity to practice deliberate creation through the power of my thoughts. The play is a collection of women's monologues. I was given two on Saturday, each of which is just over 2 pages of single spaced text. This, compared to what I've needed to learn for roles in the past in under two weeks, is what would qualify as a challenge.
I found myself going through a few different reactions, most of which were peppered with fear. This is too much to learn. I'm going to be a stress case for two weeks. I can't do it - maybe I should drop out? Am I setting myself up for success or failure?
Since I want to do it and it does feel like I can call up the capacity to learn these lines if I am super focused and disciplined, I am choosing to stay in the game and do this project. The real challenge is to focus on thoughts that are inspiring, just like what I teach in class, since when I am thinking positively I am calmer and more likely to learn and retain my lines!
Any time you have a new challenge, you can be on guard against any negative thoughts and if they surface, observe, let them go, and pick up a thought that supports your process. Yes, I can do it. I am doing it. It is done. I am inspired. I am at ease with this text. This is totally doable.
The same is true for my physical workouts, which became slightly derailed because of some back pain. Back pain can be related to stress, frustration and fear, so it actually doesn't surprise me that I hurt my back a few days ago while I was undergoing this process of approaching two new plays and figuring out how to align myself with Flow and let go of fear.
Here is an excerpt from something I recently read about detachment:
Learn to follow the quiet voice within that speaks in feelings rather than words. Follow what you hear inside, rather than what others may be telling you to do. The universe itself will act to move you to what you want, and move what you want to you. All you have to do is let go, while acting on your inner prompts. Let go of fear, doubt, worry, disappointment, and any other negative emotion that might make you feel low. Being unattached gives you the ability to drop whatever it is you are focusing upon at the moment and focus on something new. It makes you able to switch your concentration from one thing to another. It keeps your consciousness in flow and not fixed at any spot so it can be free and spontaneous in experiencing unfoldment.
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So, as I go back to my morning practice of rehearsing my lines and then healing my body through light movement and stretching, I intend and expect to do both with the kind of energy with which the following two songs are infused -- joy, levity, passion and connection. That is what it's really about for me these days. Moving into spaces and energy where the music flows. Enjoying friends and people who are all about love and acceptance. Bringing myself to situations with an attitude of openness. That's all. Enjoy "The Promise" by one of my favorite new bands The Olatuja Project as well as an old favorite of mine, "Shaking the Tree," by the incomparable Peter Gabriel. xx, lbd
Maybe it's because June is the month of Father's Day but as I developed my intenSati series for June -- Off You Go! -- the image I had was of learning to ride a two wheeler bicycle. My father held the back of my seat and ran with me and then, just as my hesitation grew into confidence and then readiness, he released and wheeeee, off I went!
Welcome to the month of YOUR take off! As you grow, take risks and try new things, you will find yourself in new territory. The question is, do you have the mindset to handle it? That's what this month is about. Learning the kind of mental attitude and positive action approach to doing what you've never done before as you maximize your potential.
Just when I thought I was going to have an easy month on the acting front following a successful production of my play in May, I was cast in not one but two projects for June. The second is a play that has quite a chunk of text to learn. My first thought, How am I going to do that?! was quickly replaced with a more confident thought and attitude thanks to intenSati. I am in new territory, riding that bicycle by myself (ps I am buying a bike soon, my first in NYC!), and I have the attitude of a champion.
When you declare your dream and fill your words with emotions and passion from the heart, when you consistently practice and do your work with a positive attitude, your success is inevitable. You will make progress and develop excellence one day at a time!
With that, I offer you my latest series and invite you to practice it with me this month! When? Scroll down to the bottom for my schedule this month, including TWO SPECIAL EVENTS! Can't wait to see and work out with you soon!
Much love and GRATITUDE for you all, Lindsay
Cardio
I am committed (YES)
I am inspired (INSPIRED)
I'm blazing trails (FIRED UP R)
for my desires (FIRED UP L)
I step across the line (V STEP 2x)
I’m in new territory (SUCCESS R)
Success is mine (SUCCESS L)
Do you let go of resistance? I let go of resistance! (RELEASE)
Do you declare your dream? I declare my dream! (DESIRE)
Does life reward your persistence? Life rewards my persistence! (PERSISTENCE)
Are you a part of a team? I am a part of a team! (APPRECIATION)
Off you go!! (CHAMPION: Passion/Inspiration/Confidence)
Lower Body
I give up fear (FEAR) so I am free (POSITIVE EXPECTATION)
to live with grace (GRACE) and dignity (COMPASSION).
my beauty blooms (BEAUTY)
as does my spirit (LOTUS)
I see and I feel it (GRATITUDE).
SCHEDULE Saturday morning Central Park intenSati. Every Saturday at 10:30AM. We meet at Columbus Circle (the gold topped statue) at 10:15AM. Reservations are now required, so please email LINDSPIRATION@gmail.com to reserve your spot! Class is FREE with donations accepted.
SUBBAGE I am subbing for Natalia at 17th/10th Ave at 6:30AM on Wed., June 8th I am subbing for Darbi at 19th/Bwy at 11:00AM on Sun, June 19th Guest passes available!
SPECIAL EVENTS Saturday, June 11th Central Park intenSati is partnering with BeFitNYC for an exciting Special Event! Same time and place with more details to come!
Friday, June 17th, I am leading a special Warrior themed intenSati class at 92nd St from 11am-noon. Email LINDSPIRATION@gmail.com to RSVP.
Go to Satilife.com to check out all the latest intenSati happenings. Have a wonderful, amazing month!! lbd
