Exclusive Interview: UC Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball Head Coach LINDSAY GOTTLIEB

These days, it seems like everybody either has a coach, wants a coach, thinks they need a coach or is a coach. With philosophies and approaches that often draw from positive psychology, Dr. Phil-esque tough love, back to basics All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden, Oprah-endorsed The Secret and its various offshoots, and so much more, if you need a little motivation, a little inspiration, a little Jai Ho gung ho perspiration with or without open-mouthed, Twisted Sister WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE urgency, there are plenty of resources.

For the record, yes, I wanna rock and I most certainly love and appreciate coaching! Follow the links above if you haven't already for some great content. (See, that's me coaching you. Just read the rest of the post first, please! Then go back for the links.)

On that note, I could not be happier to share my exclusive interview with an actual sports coach, my friend and total inspiration, UC Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball Head Coach, Lindsay Gottlieb. I know Coach Gottlieb from our days together as campers, bunkmates (while fun, I'd say we bonded over being the least mischievous of a daring lot) and BFFs at Kutsher's Sports Academy in Monticello, NY. Her good nature, humor, athleticism and humility were noticeable even then, and it comes as no surprise to me that her career is soaring.

Gottlieb played basketball her whole life (she grew up in Scarsdale, NY) and earned her BA in Political Science at Brown University, where she played on the varsity team before a knee injury ended her career. Instead of walking away from the sport she loved, she became student assistant coach of the Brown team. Instead of following in the linear footsteps of her legal eagle family members, Gottlieb stayed with her passion for hoops, continued coaching, and courageously followed the windy road onto which she was led.

Gottlieb became the assistant coach at Syracuse University, where she earned a Masters in Philosophy of Education. She then went on to assistant coach spots at University of New Hampshire, University of Virginia Richmond (under Head Coach Joanne Boyle), and UCLA Berkeley (she and Coach Boyle went there together). Next, she was tapped to become UC Santa Barbara's Head Coach, where she led her team to 2 Big West titles, 2 post season bids and an overall 56-39 (.589) record. After 3 consecutive winning seasons, Gottlieb was given the opportunity of a lifetime -- to return to Cal Berkeley, this time as Head Coach.

Gottlieb is only 34 years old and already demonstrating such steady confidence, persistence and a creative approach to leadership, one can only imagine with excitement where she'll be in ten years time. Time will tell. In the meantime, let's keep it in this day and turn it over to the transcript of my interview with Coach Gottlieb (done over email) so you can see what she relies on to inspire her talented team, keep herself energized, get over setbacks and create a unique style of leadership all her own...

Congratulations on becoming Head Coach of the Cal Berkeley women's varsity basketball team! How does it feel to return to Cal and how are things going so far?
Thank you! It's been amazing so far, and I've only just begun. While I was certainly content coaching at UCSB and was not actively looking to pursue other jobs, for me, Cal was not just any job, it was THE job. So, to be able to return to a place that I am so fond of and to begin this journey as Cal's head coach...I couldn't be happier.

These first few months have been hectic, as any coaching transition is inherently crazy. That being said, however, the response I've received from the community, the athletic department and the players has been amazing. The "buy-in" has been instant, which makes things a lot easier. I think everyone is on the same page and looking forward to this season and the future of Cal Women's Basketball.

What are some major factors contributing to the growth of Cal women's basketball program?

I think Cal Women's Basketball is at an interesting and exciting juncture, in that we are established on the national scene, but the next leap is to become one of the truly "elite" teams. So from a basketball standpoint, I think it's getting the players to see that we need to turn our talented group into a cohesive team that performs better as a unit than we ever could as individuals. We need to be willing to do the little things, the extra things, the added attention to detail that will take us to another level.

In addition, I want to reach out to the campus and community and make sure that our program is accessible in that way. I feel strongly that as female athletes and coaches, we need to use our platform to be involved, to make an impact on the community around us, and also to help grow our fan base and our game.

How do you advise your players to successfully balance academics and athletics?
The first thing is, they know that academics is as much of a priority to me as athletics. I vocalize it, and I think that's important. They know that showing up for a tutoring session on time is just as important as being on time for practice. The second part is helping to put them in a situation to be successful. What I mean by that is, time management and balancing everything on their plate academically and athletically is probably the hardest part of the transition to college for our student-athletes. So we help them by teaching them how to make schedules, how to use their time effectively, how to structure their days. We are very hands-on with the freshmen, and the hope is to empower them to be able to be more independent as they progress, but we certainly don't leave them to "sink or swim" on their own. We truly invest in these young women as athletes, students and young women.

The Athletic Director at Cal described you as "compassionate and passionate" which I think is an amazing combination. Very powerful. Could you possibly describe your style of leadership?

I love what I do, and I do hope that shows at all times. I think that being the head coach of a division 1 athletic program is much like being the CEO of a small company: there are so many aspects to manage and things to be mindful of. I always try to be me, and not do it someone else's way, which would come off as disingenuous. I care deeply about the players I coach and the people I work with, and I think that shows. So, compassionate is accurate. I think big and create the vision for the program. I've hired amazing people, so I let them carry out a lot of that vision. I am analytical and well thought out in my decision making. I consider myself progressive and forward thinking in terms of strategy, yet I also know that good relationships are critical to success. I'm upbeat and positive by nature, yet seek excellence from myself and those around me. Passionate about what I do, for sure. Does that cover it? :)

I can see you'd have made a great lawyer if you went that route! Who are some of your greatest inspirations and what specifically have they taught you which you apply today in your coaching?

First, my parents. I think about it now, and I appreciate so much how they always encouraged me to do what I love. There was never a pressure to do what someone else wanted me to do or thought I should do. I have been able to find success and be true to myself because I followed my passion, and my mom and dad certainly fostered that.

Other than that, I draw inspiration from so many different places. I try to read a ton. Sometimes it's sports related material but a lot of times I'll read poetry or political theory. Or, it could be something totally random that I use as a thought of the day or a point of emphasis with my team. I know it sounds nerdy (I admit it) but I think inspiration comes from a lot of places, and I try to think outside of the box in my approach at times. The key is being able to use words from Aristotle or Muhammed Ali or Eleanor Roosevelt and make them accessible and relevant to our players.

How do you handle expectations? Obviously, when you have a proven track record of success as you do, there can be some pressure. Do you feel it and what do you do to stay focused?

I have learned that when you are involved in sports, much of what you do is out there for the public to judge. That's just the nature of it. Much of my family is involved in the legal profession, and no one is blogging about the outcomes of their trials or what decisions they made. But as a coach, people are going to have an opinion about how I do things, and I have to be ok with that. There are expectations and pressure, but that means people care about Women's hoops, which is a good thing. I know it sounds cliche, but the greatest pressure comes from within. I want to be successful because I want our players to have a special experience, I want to make our administration and community proud.

What I have learned is that I must trust my process. Meaning that although I'm in a results oriented field, I need to stay focused on the process and making sure that we are doing things the right way. Focusing on the process keeps me from going on the roller-coaster of emotions ... That's what can be detrimental to coaches, I think. I certainly look in the mirror and evaluate decisions but I try to do it in a measured and comprehensive way: Are we focusing on the right things? Are practices effective? Am I getting the most out of the players? By focusing on the process, I'm better able to deal with the pressures of the job.

Senior guard Rachelle Federico, in addition to calling you one of the most knowledgeable coaches out there, says "There's an energy about [you] that's contagious." Can you tell me a bit about how you manage your energy. Obviously, there are some long hours, plenty of travel and a lot of people relying on you being at your best. How do you do it?

The first thing is, it's easier to have energy when you are genuinely happy going to work every day. The young people I am privileged to coach keep me energetic and upbeat (even when they occasionally drive me crazy)! But I'm also very conscious of keeping myself as fresh as possible. I work out almost every day. It gives me energy and makes me feel good. I don't always get as much sleep as I'd like (especially during the season) but I try very hard to listen to my body and be in touch with what I need to do to stay healthy. Sometimes that means watching a little less film and getting a little more sleep, or making sure to eat well when the grind of the season can wear you down.

What kind of advice do you give to someone who is overcoming a physical setback, whether it's an injury or an illness, that wants to get back into shape, both mentally and physically?

The first key is a word that you used in your question: WANT. If someone wants to get healthy or back into shape, that's a huge first step. The next piece is putting things in place to make that person successful. Do you need support? Then maybe it's best to join class or a workout group. Motivation needed? Set attainable goals. My best advice is that returning from injury or getting into shape is a process, and often a long and difficult one: you must realize that you may need help, you may have setbacks, but if you are committed to doing it, it's ALWAYS possible.

We used to have a lot of fun together in our camp days at KSA (Kutsher's Sports Academy)! How important were those formative years in contributing to who you are today?

We had SO MUCH FUN!! And honestly, I think about my KSA days often. As a camper, I remember the relationships I made and friendships that have lasted years. In a lot of ways, our bunk was a lot like a team. We met and went through things with a group of people that became very close, whether we would have been friends in another circumstance or not. That was a cool experience, and similar to the bonds I see form amongst teammates. My years as a counselor really helped foster a love for coaching. I know it was just for fun, but in leagues I had my own team, they responded to me, I got to make decisions and call plays. It certainly was an experience that affected me very deeply.

*

Tell me she's not the BEST, right?!? Seriously. She even juggles:



Follow Coach Gottlieb and the Cal Berkeley Women's Varsity Basketball team all season on Facebook and their awesome, new interactive website. GO GOLDEN BEARS!!

Best,
LBD

Words of Confidence

I haven't been to one game yet. Not in a stadium, bar, or friend's apartment. Not at my High School for homecoming or while in a waiting room, bar, or diner, where there are 6 flat screens but still no perfect view. I don't have a TV of my own yet (new apartment) and definitely wouldn't look for video online. Football season is ON, yes, but at this point, I remain pretty oblivious to the activity.

This is not to say I'm not interested. I am. Just busy. Next month, I'm going in!!

For lots of people I know for whom football is a huge passion, Football Season is already in full swing. The newly chilled October air, the crowds, the close calls, the rivalries, the last minute victories, the beer, cheerleaders, touchdown victory dances, tailgate parties and, if you're a player, the thrill of getting on that field in front of all the aforementioned to Bring. It. Home. Football...

Sports in general (to which I can relate) and football in particular are a tremendous way to bond with family and form the kinds of relationships with friends that feel familial. I've recently and very gratefully been in touch with my former middle and high school gym teacher, Coach Mark Collelouri. He was one of my favorite teachers and remains a special, inspirational person in my life. I have very positive memories of playing sports under his eye, training in the weight room with his football and baseball players (he coached both teams), so much enjoying just being one of the guys, and always knowing he was one of my biggest supporters throughout my life both on and off the field. I was close to his father, Mario, and was getting to know his son, Tommy, so much the pride and joy of Coach C's life.

Tommy had a very special relationship with his Grandpa Mario. Back in the Summer of 2000, after Tommy was named a 2nd Team All American in football as selected by Bigger Faster Stronger, a publication in the field of athletics, strength and conditioning, he wrote a piece for the BFS Journal titled inspired by their relationship.

"His Words of Confidence Live On" is a tribute to Mario's role in Tommy's development as an athlete and man. I asked Coach C if I could repost it, since the piece made me realize how important it is to remember and celebrate the wisdom of our elders, but also because of the very specific message, which is, it takes ONE PERSON to believe in somebody 100% and truly change the course of his/her existence. Just ONE PERSON to make an indelible impression and offer those words with just the right amount of faith and encouragement.

As a writer, teacher of intenSati (a fitness practice that uses spoken affirmations and places tremendous value on the importance of positive, inspirational language), and reader, I can be very (perhaps too) attached to words. I love words yet words are just the start of an idea or a sentiment. But what is beneath or beyond the words? Without love behind the words, for instance, they can seem so empty. Without strong intention, the meaning could get lost...

Yet, if there is love and no expression or communication through words, sometimes it just isn't enough. We have words for a reason. A wonderful reason! Poetry, prose, songs -- a simple I Love You -- are here as ways to express what is felt. We can be grateful to those who put into words what we sometimes cannot.

With that, I share with you Tommy's piece in its entirety, reposted with permission from his dad. :) I hope you find it as inspiring as I do, both for the experience and way it's communicated.

HiS WORDS OF CONFIDENCE LIVE ON
By Tom Collelouri, BFS 2nd Team All-American
Published: Summer 2000

His spirit lives on. I still hear his words of confidence every day of my life. Though he passed away almost three years ago, I can still feel his presence.

Ever since I was in the seventh grade I had been told that I was too small to play football. I never really had much size as a child, but my love for the game was great. I can still remember my first scrimmage in the fourth grade. I was playing Strong Safety against the Giants. I remember dropping back and seeing the ball go up. I reached out, caught the ball and returned the interception for forty yards before being knocked out of bounds. I wasn’t sure what I had done, but I knew it was good because by team came over to congratulate me and then they escorted me back to the huddle. That’s when I knew I wanted to play college football.

Just a few years later, I wasn’t even being allowed to play middle school football. My coaches kept me off the field. They would criticize me in front of the team by saying things like, “You’re too small to play football. “Collelouri has the best arm on the team, too bad he’s not 6-2.” Or, “Hey, Tommy, I’m going to buy you some growing pills to take during the off season.” I remember going home every day and crying in my room. It felt like someone was taking away from me what I loved most, football. That’s when my Grandpa Mario would call. He called every day to see how practice had gone.

Whenever my Dad told me Grandpa was on the phone, I would wipe my tears away and try to stop myself from hyperventilating because I thought it was unmanly to cry and I didn’t want to disappoint him. Then I would put the phone to my ear and hear Grandpa say, “Hey Butch! How was your day, Buddy?”

Grandpa would always reply by saying, “Don’t worry about it, Tom. You and I both know that it’s his loss. You’re a good, strong football player. Just keep plugging away at the weights. If he keeps you off the field because of your lack in size, then he’s a jerk!” No matter how upset Grandpa ever got, he would never let his grandchildren hear him curse. But it was his words, day after day that kept me going.

Grandpa Mario’s words of confidence are what kept me going all these years and got me to where I am today. I remember wanting to quit football in the eighth grade because I was sick of fighting and doing everything within my power for a starting position with nothing to show for my year-round hard work and efforts. It had sucked all of my love for football out of me. When Grandpa Mario found out about this he called and said, “Hang in there Tommy boy. Don’t let him get the best of you.” I always looked up to my Grandpa and I did not want to let him down.

So here I am today, four years later. I am now a senior at Plainview Old-Bethpage JFK High School. I’m 5’11”, 205 pounds and the captain of the varsity football, lacrosse, and weight lifting teams. I was voted best athlete in the school by my classmates. I received All-Conference honors in football, was invited to play in the “Long Island Exceptional Senior Game” on Thanksgiving Day and was nominated for the BFS High School All-American Team. I owe it all to my Grandpa Mario.

If it were not for my Grandpa Mario keeping me in the sport and reminding me of my love for football, I know not where I would be today. He not only taught me how to overcome adversity on the field, but in the classroom as well.
I always struggled with my grades growing up but my friends and family did not know why. Finally, when I was in the tenth grade, I was tested by my school and they found that I have a reading disability. Now, knowing what the problem is, I have been able to use the services of my resource room which has helped me learn ways to work around this disability. I may have to work harder than most other students to get the grades I want, but I am willing to do whatever it takes because it’s what Grandpa Mario would have wanted.

So, if Grandpa Mario is listening to me right now, I would like to say two simple words. Thank you!

(End)

Tommy Colleleuri is presently a police officer in Roanoke, VA, where he assists in instructing at the academy and is a new member of their S.W.A.T. team. He just got married last month and is going for his MA in Counseling. Congrats, Tommy!

Keep Going

Good morning!

I just came back from taking a 6:30AM intenSati class at Equinox. This, after taking a 6:30PM intenSati class at Equinox last night. We are all different and wake up with a different level of willingness or resistance. For me, even though it's rainy, chilly and I'm a bit sore from last night, I kept my commitment because I wanted to move my body before sitting at a desk all day. I also wanted to celebrate in class with a student of mine whose birthday is today. As he said, "Well, whatever gets you there (to class)!" and he's right.

The interesting thing to me is how much easier it is for me to do high cardio aerobics at the crack of dawn then it is to resist a carbohydrate. :) It's true. I am still eating what I believe to be more food then I need on a weekly basis, even based on the rigorous exercises I do a few days a week. There are so many biological factors that go into cravings, psychological factors that go into emotional eating, and spiritual factors that go into reaching for ANYTHING that might take the place of a connection to Source energy.

Alone time in the Spirit Womb -- :) shout out to my Single & Sensational students who know what I'm naming -- is SO unbelievably nurturing, but, sometimes I just reach for Tasti Delite instead!

So, as I continue on this journey, I ask myself every day if I'm willing to learn something new that will help me stick to the commitments that are for my highest good and grow towards the light no matter what.

The tempting first-thought is, "It's hard." THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED starts out with that line -- Life is hard. This begs the question of what is REALLY hard as opposed to SELF CREATED hard. Does changing the conversation in your head to an affirmation, such as one I've learned in intenSati, "What I used to think is hard has now become easy, I move with ease...", help? Or, does it better serve you to validate with that "Yes, this is very hard. I honor myself as I face this challenge with as much strength as I can call up." I guess to each his own or perhaps a little of both could work?

Whether it's resisting a muffin (easy for some, not others), getting to the gym (ditto), dating after a few years off the scene (ditto again), going on job interviews after being laid off, coping with hormonal fluctuations before, during, or after your period, or, any of the myriad of challenges facing most human beings on a daily basis, maybe it's time to realize that with every challenge there is always a new solution to discover.

It is more than okay to be learning every day. So just keep going...

Best,
Lindsay

How's Your Self Care?

I just had such a day of self care and at such affordable prices, no excuses, I had to share and offer it to YOU!

Ok.

Treated myself to coffee and a fresh fruit smoothie at Grey Dog's. My favorite neighborhood spot in Chelsea.

I went to a meeting to support my commitment to my financial health and solvency. FREE.

I took dance class with my mentor Patricia Moreno at Equinox. FREE (for me, since I am an Equinox Employee. LOVE.)

I went to a yoga class at CLAY sponsored by Well & Good, an amazing newsletter covering all the health, fitness and beauty trends and happenings in NY. FREE.

I got a mani/pedi for $21 at this place on 7th and 14th. Not exactly your spa of spas, but it got the job done. A utility mani/pedi. Note: Chose sparkly colors for both hands and feet. A little uplift per my friend/fellow intenSati teacher Jolynn Baca.

Tonight, I am going to dinner with my friend at Tree Bistro in the East Village using a Dealist coupon I purchased. $40 of food for $20. Not free, but a great deal, come on! Check out the menu, we're going to chow.

Later on, hitting up a friend's birthday party somewhere in NoLita.

Enjoying my life in NYC has never been this easy (and affordable)!!

Now let me go back to my FREE music on Pandora, streaming "Just Dance Radio" with more cheese than a tuna melt. Makes me happy.

Love,
LBD

Create or Wilt

Sitting up straight is also a simple, immediate way to sit right in the middle of your life. When you sit and meditate, sit for at least 10 minutes. Often in the first ten, you will have various reluctances, resistances…after 5-10 you will have settled into more stable meditation process. Follow the breath in the abdomen. Allow it to be as long or short, deep or long as it wants to. It's not the point of meditation to control your experience but to become more accepting, compassionate, more tolerant, and to shift from performance to presence….Edward Espe Brown on Zazen

Good morning,

That excerpt is from the audio Quiet Mind which gives a little sampling of various forms of meditation, including Zazen (the Japanese Zen tradition), Metta (Loving Kindness), Vipassana and Tonglen. I've been listening lately as I seek to establish a true sense of safety, calm and presence inside me and in the aspects of my environment which I can control.

This theme of safety is such an important one, for women especially, I think. Not only is there the physical sense of security, but there is the idea of whether a person is safe, or, trustworthy. Can you share yourself intimately? Will they receive you in your authenticity with compassion or judgment? Patience or anger? Apathy or sincere listening?

The Artists Way by Julia Cameron discusses the vital importance of recovering a sense of safety for your inner artist. If someone was critical of your work and you internalized the criticism, not uncommon for anybody who's ever gone out on a limb creatively or expressed an opinion, it takes a certain mindfulness to realize you've allowed yourself to shrink because of what this person (or group of people) said about you and your work. Once you understand that's what you're doing, internalizing or taking personally someone else's opinion, it's possible to begin again with a clean slate and rebuild trust in yourself and your work. Cameron talks about taking small steps in this regard.

It's not just about opening yourself up to your potential. That sounds like a luxury and maybe to some it is, but the breath, which is vital, is on par with that creative energy and artist in you. Create or wilt? Express or die inside?

Encouraging you to let go of inhibitions and take small steps towards safety and creative freedom today!

Best,
LBD

The Last 24

I knew I would be prompted to blog based on the dramatic way in which it began. As sundown approached the city, 6PM to be precise, my parents were leaving the runway of JFK on board a jet plane to Europe for a 2-week vacation. Meanwhile, I was meeting a friend and crew at an Italian restaurant on 39th and 9th, ready to eat myself to capacity before going to Kol Nidre service and enter what is the holiest 24 hours on the Jewish calendar, Yom Kippur, with an intention to actually observe.

As I’ve written a few times on this blog, I grew up in a relatively unreligious reform Jewish household on Long Island. We followed a few of the norms of reform Jewish behavior such as Cliff Notes version Sedars on Passover (shout out to my Dad’s Famous Matzoh Brei served with Welsh's grape jelly). There was our regular attendance on the friends and family Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit, which came with a complete sense of inferiority as we sat in the Conservative shulle and didn’t understand what was happening. A Temple Beth Elohim membership, with its organ and choir, was like my Jewish town's equivalent of growing up “on the wrong side of the tracks”. There was my own show stopping Bat Mitzvah affair at said TBE and fabulous after party with the entertainment of Le Masquerade at the Sans Souci in Sea Cliff. The theme? Lindsay’s Manhattan Magic.

Hands up, baby. Hand. Up.

I loved our electric menorahs facing the street every year on Chanukah (it took ten minutes to figure out whether to light right to left or vice versa when facing the street) and, of course, the presents. I was lucky enough to receive a Christmas gift until I was old enough to be told not only that Santa Claus isn’t real, but if he was real he never would’ve been buying me my Cabbage Patch Dolls anyway because, well, Santa is not really in the business of spoiling Jewish people and couldn’t I tell from Rudolph’s nose, which is red and lacking any distinguishing feature of our tribe, that he was not one of us?

The Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur holy period, which consisted of more food and family rituals, was one that we also did in a very scaled back version. On Yom Kippur, my mom would fast but not my father, whose religion is sports and devil is the Republican party. He sleeps well at night and doesn’t need any one stop shopping school of forgiveness from an anthropomorphic castle in the sky god, now where are the keys (to my car not the castle), I’m going to find a bagel store that’s open for breakfast, thank you very much.

Yom Kippur is like Loemann’s, that department store where you find everything you need, including fabulous deals on designer items, all under one roof. That’s Yom Kippur for ya – a day to atone for every item in your previous year, from big-ticket transgressions like cheating on a spouse to smaller ones, like yelling at your brother for telling you to stop naval gazing already, you sound like that Julia Roberts character from that Love Pray Eat movie and further resenting him for not recognizing Elizabeth Gilbert by name or her literary chops, which you respect.

Essentially, on Yom Kippur, God is open for everything. And boy is He ready to listen, as well as judge, shame, bring you to your knees, hear, raise, forgive, love and bedazzle you and your slate so you can wake up and feel as fresh, shiny and rearing to go as a brilliant titanium MacBrook Pro.

I’m not sure if having my parents literally in the sky on the eve of Yom Kippur, thus joining God to form a holy trinity of the most guilt-inducing figures in my life all at once, motivated me further. Probably not. I think I would’ve felt ready to observe this holiday based solely on what I felt – that is, my own guilt, regret, and a deep need to forgive myself and others. Yes, after years of disregarding the holiest of holy Jewish days and having gone no closer to a temple on Yom Kippur than towards an unfriendly looking pit bull on the leash of a buff Chelsea boy, this year it was time to repent. In my mind and heart, I earned it.

The juicier post would be for me to go into some of the specifics but, sorry, let’s save the juice for a 3-day detox. Just trust me when I say that I had to get right with my maker, which may only be my conscience or Source energy loosely formed, I don’t know. Oh, to only know the secrets of the Universe. If you could, would you want to know? Or, just accept the mystery of it all?

I got down to atonement business at a service at the Javits Center run by a LBGTQIS(?) focused temple with a large following whose name escapes me. This, keeping with my theme of finding total acceptance of myself by hanging out with more and more gay, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning folks, and the people who love them. I’m not kidding. Some of my best friends in the world and closest family are gay and I Do Work in the Theaaaatre, but after I moved to Chelsea a month ago, which in case you don’t know is the heart of Manhattan’s gay community, I felt the real truth of the rainbow. Acceptance, baby!! And, truth be told, I have never been happier. After living on the Upper West Side for years, where I going to Fairway and seeing the endless array of bagel store bound families with baby carriages, I felt stifled and as out of place as I did when visiting that Conservative temple for a friend’s Bat Mitzvah and ashamed of my organ. Now I am happier than ever in my little downtown studio that may be noisy but is giving me my much needed, we're all good, breathing space.

It’s also nice because when I get the thought after a hot guy doesn’t check me out, Oh well, he’s probably gay, well, I’m probably right.

I am who I am. You are who you are. Be it. Bless it!!

Following the Kol Nidre service, which I honestly didn’t connect to as much as I would’ve hoped mainly because I found the operatic vocalists irritating and kind of halted at a line in the Reconstructionist text that said something to the effect of We reject the idea the Jews are the Chosen People (Come on, you're going to drop that, it's such a perk!), I went home.

I awoke Yom Kippur morning ready to go. My first stop was Grey Dog’s coffee (liquids were going to be okay for me, just no food) where I pulled out my laptop. No charge. Oops. No outlets, shit. Good thing I packed a notebook and pen. Guess I’m going old skool. Dear Higher Power, here is what I feel reaaaallllly bad about…

It all just flowed out of me and I found myself asking an unknown forgiver for forgiveness. Forgiveness for stuff I had done that was against my values, for thoughts and feelings I harbored that were rooted in excessive fear, doubt, anger, jealousy and anxiety. (Please forgive me for being human? Great, I’m confused.) I once read that when you harm the creation you are harming the creator. Whether that’s a Creator G-O-D or my parents, my ancestors, the energy of the divine, we are all connected. Hence, I started to feel that wherever I neglected myself, in some ways I neglected all of them, too. Us being all one and connected and stuff.

Then, I made a list of all the people and institutions that I felt anger, resentment, bitterness and judgment towards. Who and what did I need to forgive? Where am I holding a grudge? With whom do I got some kosher beef!?! Wouldn’t you know that list flowed out of me like the Nile. Some people believe that emotions when repressed, particularly anger and anxiety, manifest in physical ailments, from heart disease to back pain or migraines. The energy of the emotion finds it appearance in the physical. What was my body and heart telling me? That I was repressing a lot of feelings. I was pissed. So maybe it was time to LET GO.

I did. Mainly by writing, then by going to dance class with Patricia Moreno to shake it all out to J Lo’s new song, Papi. This was fast becoming Yom Kippur lite but I just knew I had a better chance of keeping my fast if I was out and about as opposed to sitting alone in my apartment. Hot. Then, it was off to a gathering with a theater company I’m in to go over some new short play submissions. (I’ll be directing the chosen ones for a staged reading on November 7th). Before I headed out for that gathering, I broke my fast by eating two apples with some hummus and a coconut water chaser but was grateful I at least I made it as far as I did -- 3 pm.

Progress not perfection, right?

Finally, it was time to meet my brother and friend at Lansky’s for a break fast dinner at sun almost down. First time in a while to do this having almost fasted and without my parents. I like that restaurant but because it got slammed around 7:30pm, our food was cold, late, and really not very tasty. Still, I managed to eat a ton, from the salty pickles and slaw to the roast turkey with gravy. I helped myself to my brother’s brisket, friend’s sweet potato fries and a full portion of my own sweet apple strudel dessert. WTF. I basically had to roll myself out of that restaurant to the nearest bodega for a roll of Tums. Not exactly how I wanted to end the day, this overeating to the point of a belly ache, which of course killed the happy, joyful blissful feeling I had going on from the high energy dance class, acting and, oh yeah, starving for 20 hours.

So, as I return to my normal life this morning, typing away on my shiny laptop at Grey Dog’s with a still queasy belly, body sore from dance class, and soul perhaps a bit freer thanks to yesterday’s reflections, my mixed foray into the holiest Jewish day now behind me and a new day ahead, I also return to the life I am doing my best to live and prefer. It is, among other things, one of balance.

No Loemann’s shopping style atonement, thanks, I will do mine in pieces and separates over time. No radical swings from starvation to gorging, I am back on a normal food plan without skipping meals. No long periods away from forgiving my self and the people in my life so that I have a backflow of resentment that portabella mushrooms out of proportion. I will go back to what I’ve learned in recovery, which is a daily inventory where I look at my thoughts, feelings and actions in the name of love not judgment, find forgiveness and let go.

No more excessive guilt that isn’t even warranted. Most of what I felt so bad about isn’t even that bad at all. It’s just very human. Imperfect. Part of growing up and earning your self-discovery and maturation badge…

Most importantly, what I hope so deeply for myself this coming year, is to treat myself with more love, self care, and compassion than ever before and to be stronger, happier and freer than the last 365. Because what I felt MOST guilty about as I wrote my letter to the Divine listener was not how I mistreated others in thoughts, words or deeds, although I definitely had some good material, but for not being a nicer human being to ME.

So, God, if you’re listening, just know that next year at this time there is a pretty good chance my atonement list will be a bit shorter, less interesting and more mild. It may even put you to sleep. Feel free to join me at Grey Dog’s in Chelsea for a strong coffee perk. Everybody is accepted here.

With love,
Lindsay

Single and Sensational YOU!

Good afternoon! I could not be more excited to start teaching a 4 week intenSati class on Thursday nights (10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27) in NYC which focuses on EMPOWERING women and men who are SINGLE! How did I come to this? Is it cliche to say it's a long story? :)

I grew up in a very suburban area of New York on Long Island called Plainview. Lots and lots of families, in tact marriages (until the kids went to college) and common assumptions that someone like me (a high achieving, personable, attractive and confident young woman) would grow up, become successful and get married to a great guy. I was never one to really fawn over bridal magazines or even give much attention or thought to whether I'd get married but I did think it would happen. I figured he'd be about 3 years older (just like my parents' age gap), tall, dark, smart, look great in a tuxedo and be a professional, probably a doctor, like me.

Career objective 1 (out of about 15) was to be a pediatrician who took care of babies not only in the Tri-State area but also in South Africa.

Anyway, I had a great boyfriend in high school but it didn't last beyond a semester or two into college. When I developed an eating disorder and depression/anxiety in college, my confidence in myself as a woman and faith in love went out the door. It really affected the guys I dated or hooked up with -- I DID NOT honor or take care of myself. When I was 160 pounds at my top weight (I'm 5'3") I was hanging out with a guy whose friends called him "The Prez" and me "Monica Lewinsky" thanks to that wonderful scandal. Then, when I was borderline anorexic and 108 pounds while working for New York Magazine and actually encountered Monica Lewinsky at a launch party for one of our issues, I realized my self esteem hadn't changed much at all. That was in 2001.

Time went on and with its passage, I started to recover and heal. As such, it was reflected in the bonds I formed. I dated some very interesting men. :) One became my first and only long-distance relationship and it was life changing. I mean, they are all life changing, but this one was very healing because of how compassionate and loving the man acted. After we stopped seeing each other, I felt like I lost a best friend and it was hard to move on again. Meanwhile, one after the other after the other of my friends were getting married and having babies. My age started climbing, some fear continued to build that I was going to get too old and while I was doing my best not to focus on the negative, I felt really bad about it!! Couldn't shake it. I didn't understand and took it very personally.

I started working some of that stuff out here on this blog, in therapy, through coaching and of course, in intenSati. intenSati is the practice created by Patricia Moreno which fuses positive affirmations with high energy fitness moves inspired by aerobics, martial arts, dance and yoga. It is like a positive keg of physical, emotional and spiritual dynamite hurled at your low feeilngs, limiting beliefs and blocks. It also opens your heart. BIG TIME. xo

I started to dream again but this time I didn't see the same conventional little vision of a 3 years older husband and kids before I'm 35. I was now an actress/performing artist, writer and fitness instructor. Definitely not your typical doctor/lawyer type. I work many hours, am in and out of full fledged creativity zones, use words like "Vortex" and "Blessed" and "Inspired" with frequency and regularity, share openly about a lot of things some would deem TMI and have huge dreams for myself and others.

While shopping with my mom last weekend on Long Island for my new apartment, I inspired the close-to-retirement-aged salesman at Jennifer's Convertibles to take an acting class (it's his childhood dream, he told me) and the Apple Store salesman to get his Personal Training certification (it's what he reaaaaally wants to do but was afraid the exam would be too hard, he told me).

Basically, I realized I do not want some of the things I thought I wanted just yet because I AM BUSY LIVING A PASSIONATE LIFE but at the same time, I do absolutely 100%want to meet my soulmate (Oh, yes, I believe in soulmates), get married and have babies down the road. Yettttt, however, big big big BUT, I knew on a gut level I did not really believe I can have it.

What?

Yup.

Didn't believe it. Didn't really feel in my heart of hearts that A. He is out there and B. I'm worthy of what I deeply desire. Didn't think I can handle it. Kids?! Don't have a plant. Sometimes you can see it for others but not ourselves. I can put all the faith in the world in someone else finding real love, witness them, be happy for my friends but not believe it for myself. Then, with that belief, I ended up settling for a two year effort to put a round peg into a square hole. You know, like playdoh. Awesome.

So, even as I was having breakthroughs on the career front, healing my body from a major surgery, dropping more emotional eating behaviors, really getting over the depression I thought I'd never be able to get over, and getting clear about what I definitely do desire, the one area that was eluding me was this one. This, Finding The One, one.

I had to really ask myself what else was going on here and why I was still feeling so shitty about being single. I realized THAT IS THE ANSWER. Becauuuuuuuuse I am feeling so shitty about being single and accepting it, committing to it, refusing to elt it go, I could not possibly land in a powerful, grateful, strong, independent and self loving place, FULLY.

It's not to blame myself for this but take responsibility for what I'm putting out into the world. What you focus on you get and that was my focus, being single sucks, so naturally I could not expect to feel good or act from a place of self love.

I am ready to change and THAT is why I started desiring leading a class that attacks this head on. For a few months I've been dreaming it up and thought I should wait but I need exactly the class I designed to get to the other side! I need it now. No more waiting.

With that, I am jumping into this month of self love to help shift Single and Stuck into Single and Sensational in myself and my students. I am not doing this to meet The One. I am not thinking about meeting anybody today! I am thinking about feeling good, upping the self care, increasing joy, letting go of past regret or pain or suffering, and realizing we are all born perfect and need to be reminded.

I can't wait to help fascilitate this process in my new students who I will meet on Thursday night. Will you join me?

If you want to take the class, spots are still open! All the details are as follows:

When: Thursday 10/6, 10/13, 10/20, 10/27
Time: 7:30pm-9:00pm
Location: Chelsea Studios (151 W. 26th Street between 6th and 7th)
Format: 4 weeks of intenSati classes under the theme "Single and Sensational" with a different focus each week. Week 1 Letting Go, Week 2 Empowered On Your Own, Week 3 Sexy and Free and Week 4 Manifesting Your Soulmate. Writing prompts, class discussion and guided meditation will make this the total package.
Cost: $100.00 for 4 classes. Payment plans available.

It is all about perspective and it is just no fun having a negative one about being single. You are worthy of the utmost love and care. Are you ready to be happy and commit to more love in your life then ever before? Are you?!?!?!

xo,
LBD

Good morning! I really just wanted to post so I don't let having no Internet or computer become an excuse. That's right, as of 9pm last night, my 4 1/2 year old MAC laptop was confirmed to have a failed hard drive. What's coming next, wait for it, is that nothing was backed up.

Not my music, my photos, my writing, nothing. Careless? Reckless? Just a case of the 'it wouldn't happen to me?"s. All the above. I have to admit I think a part of me wanted to part with that writing. There were more pages of repetitive drivel and rants then I could count or consolidate. I kept thinking the pages would find their way into a book or something, but I think the deeper desire was to let the past die.

Which it did, technically, unless I want to pay someone at TEKSERVE for his/her data recovery efforts to salvage my past. May not be worth the efforts or money. I think the bulk of my writing between 2007 and today had themes centered around frustration with myself and others, desires for things which felt completely beyond me to have, imaginings of scenarios that were to me wild fantasies and for others part of a standard day in the life of a normal New Yorker, and the beginnings of poems or songs, which I will miss the most if I never get it back.

Like a lot of letting go lessons, this one happened suddenly. There was no real chance to say good bye, no lingering and lengthy deterioration until malfunctioning malaise of computer bits. Nope. One day me and my laptop were doing a pretty tango together, bonded by my memories, and the next day I'm dancing alone. (If I were on said laptop I'd link to Sting's song We Danced Alone but I'm finger tapping from my iPhone so that ain't happening.)

Nothing I wrote in those years I was battling heavy depression matter today. That is thr point. I think I've integrated the insights. Learned what I needed to learn. Said it all. Anything that could've been strong, publishable writing will hopefully come to me in a new form. It feels good to let go! There was a lot of pissy regret on that old laptop. A lot of anger and frustration with myself and others for all these unmet expectations.

Since my now defunct computer is going to be replaced, soon, I accept the lessons with gratitude. :) Yes. it is ok. I gratefully abandon even more of my emotional connection to challenging times I faced and am so relieved not to be there anymore. I can close my eyes and remember. I don't need my writing to take me there, certainly.

This morning, I affirm openings in your heart, soul and memory mind. If the chance to LET GO and come into this moment emerge, will you say YES or put up a fight? Whether it's a failed hard drive or another person's urgings that you just drop something and move on, will you listen?

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and why it's called the present."

Best,
LBD