I wrote this in ten minutes at 8:30AM today, so there are more than a few typos. One things to note is the quote listed below who I wanted to clear permission to credit is from my intenSati mentor Patricia Moreno (www.satilife.com) who continues to lead so many people in a successful conversion from victim to warrior. ~LBD
Morning, sunshines! I'm consistently engaged in the cultural conversation that centers around the meaning of empowerment and more specifically, what it means to play the victim and how to STOP.
My mentors call me out on it, the people I most admire don't do it (or catch themselves and choose another way), I have inspiring family members who've successfully changed the v in victim to Victory, my Jewish brethren are defined by "They wanted us dead, we survived, let's eat" and I have progressed significantly in this arena.
But, alas, there is still some drippy victmy thinking I hold onto. Everything from feeling sorry for myself for time wasted, believing it's too late to have certain things I want career wise, pitying myself for hair issues that concern an area of thinning that 99% of the people I speak to don't notice but I do so it must be fodder for my victim writer, you get the picture.
By becoming aware at first I was so disturbed and frustrated because I didn't get why I was STILL holding onto such stories. As people ask me to ask myself, "What's the payoff?" The obvious payoff of playing the victim in your own life is you don't have to put yourself on the line and risk failure. By making excuses you can always explain away why something didn't happen. Or, maybe you just get the 'benefit' of being taken care of by people who like to take care of victims. They can be very nice.
I was just advised (and once I get clearance to say who advised me I will give credit where credit is due, but for now, she'll remain anonymous) to, "Love her but break the spell she puts on you!" This refers to what I call the Victim Player. Love her. I think I did love her yesterday when I cried like a baby in midtown after a long day and before rehearsal. Listening to the chorus of victim thoughts the VP gives before going to a real chorus rehearsal of beautiful singers praising love, light, God and peace was quite a transition. I promise you I felt much better after rehearsal.
It wasn't about becoming the most empowered woman in the world but releasing the grip of the Victim Player, which lead to none other than a peaceful calm state of being and feelings of gratitude. So, I would say that's probably a good sing you know you're letting go.
NIKE says Just Do It but heroes in their own lives say Just Don't Do It. Really. Take any victim story you're writing and put the pen down. Walk away from the page. Thank it for serving whatever purpose it did. Then, pick up the new pen and rewrite something new that, if you showed it to someone, would not garner an "Awww, I'm sorry, honey. That must be really hard" response. Save those for the BIG things and I'm sure there are a few, not the little ones, if you know what I mean.
For a while, it will probably feel uncomfortable, scary and new. Maybe even lonely. You might doubt you have the strength to declare victimhood dead. You may have to do it over and over and over again to keep your commitment. BUT, I believe fully it will bring about a wonderful change in your life as it has in mine (when I've applied it, which I have many times, YAY) and the other amazing people I know who declare victimhood dead.