Good Sunday morning.....
I don't want to procrastinate learning my lines for an upcoming show by blogging, so I will limit this post to just 15 minutes. :)
It's been a surprising few weeks full of self discoveries. I am experiencing what I can only describe as a deeper understanding of who I am, who I am not, who I want to be and who I do NOT or simply cannot be in this world.
The affirmation I've been teaching this month -- MY VISION IS CLEAR -- must be having its way with me and my subconscious. I feel a tremendous pull towards writing scripts and poems, acting, immersing myself in music I've never heard before (Spotify playlists by people I've never met are rocking my world on a daily basis) and working/spending time with other artists. I see it happening as I write, perform, rehearse, go to class, and feel so much less ambivalence than I used to! I feel a part of communities of artists in NYC. Different backgrounds, myriad areas of focus, varying strengths and as many points of view as there are food trucks. I am so happy for that aspect of New York City. I am so happy I call myself an artist now. I never used to be able to do that without feeling like I had to footnote it with something like "I'm not a real artist, certainly not a fine artist and, oh, I received exceptionally low scores in 3rd grade art class because I couldn't effectively sketch my own hand (true story)".
I am open to all the possibilities for a performing artist and writer. I am intending changes, breakthroughs and exciting new experiences that rock my world and let my light shine without fear.
There are a lot of different ways I GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY (another affirmation I am teaching this month) and probably the best way is by ceasing to compare myself to others and no longer expecting myself to be at a certain place (career, relationships) by a certain age. Can't begin to say how liberating it feels to be exercising some boundaries here instead of feeling like I have spaghetti arms a la Baby in "Dirty Dancing". I have a dance space. Every person has a dance space. Excellent. Plus, there's nobody saying my dance space needs to be full of accomplishments by a certain period of time except me, which is a useless thought, since things happen in there right time naturally and organically.
All of this amounts to letting go of anxiety. Negative projection into the future and replaying past events until paralysis kicks in has no place in my world anymore. I'm mellowing out, consciously, by catching worry based thinking and reigning it in through mindful attention to what's happening IN THE MOMENT. If I do find myself wandering, I do my best to imagine POSITIVE, exciting, optimistic scenarios that make me smile. The other antidote to anxiety that I am really embracing is ACTION. I keep busy doing what I love and feel passionately about, since when I am active I find it challenging to ruminate.
That's about 15 minutes. Thank you for reading and I wish you a wonderful, healthy, bright and beautiful Sunday!!