Waking Up Grateful

There is a little ritual you'll hear some people speak of that involves taking a moment to express being alive before actually getting out of bed.

I don't typically do this but I did it this morning! I had a few very powerful discussions yesterday with three of my fellow intenSati instructors -- Carolann, Gregory and Jolynn -- and the common theme that appeared in all three chats was GRATITUDE for the moment and REALITY as it is TODAY.

There is a depth of feeling that is constantly available to us and the best metaphor I can think of -- because it's been Hotter Than July in New York -- is the summer camp I used to go to called West Hills Day Camp. Oh, West Hills, with your bug juice and barrel and Color War and ahhh, your 5 pools. One was called Guppy, the 2nd Minnow, 3rd

Flounder, 4th Barracuda and 5th Shark. The depths of each pool increased and of course the pre-requisite to move from pool to pool was to pass a swim test. I was in Barracuda for a while and remember how scared I felt to get to Shark. I got there eventually but the depths of that pool spooked me and I think at one point or another I really believed I'd be pulled under by Jaws.

Many of us run around and at times don't let our emotions run deep. We live on the surface. We stay in safe, minnow-y emotions and flounder-like feelings because the depths of our feelings, even the so called "positive" emotions, evoke fear. What kind of proverbial Jaws is waiting for us in that state of actually being entirely present?

When living with such awareness does it ever feel like you're about to drown?

My experience is when I get entirely present, it usually does dissolve into LOVE whether it's a positive emotion like deep gratitude or something more challenging like physical pain. I can remember these very strange feelings of deep love that would wash over me when I was post opp after ankle ligament construction surgery, foot propped in the air, ice packs pressed against me, the A/C running like a hymn...

Ok, maybe that was the Vicodin.

No, something powerful really does happen when you stop, slow down and feel, which brings me back to the original topic, purpose and intention for my day which is to learn to feel grateful now instead of putting all of our gratitude eggs in the basket labeled "Happy at Last with My Dreams Here Now". It is to look at any work with an expression of great fortune -- if I didn't have all this work in my life there would be no way to grow. There is so much to appreciate in the challenges and there is NO SHAME in not having it all.

I was going to write "yet" but even that distracts from the moment. To keep looking ahead and avoiding the moment and the responsibilities we have now is no way to live. THAT is what creates the feeling of drowning, actually, not going for a deep dive and swimming into GRATITUDE for this day and every single circumstance.

Imagine Your Inspired Day

It's Monday and for a lot of us, that means going back to work. Before you go in, I suggest two visualizations.

1. First! Imagine yourself going through the day -- your commute, job, after work activities -- with joy and ease. You feel good and things are going well!

2. Second! Choose your INSPIRED DAY and see yourself having that day. Whatever you really want to be doing today for work and play, see yourself inhabiting it right now. See and feel how spectacular it is to be doing what INSPIRES you and fills you to the brim with passion and love right now.

I'm going to wait while you do this and actually take the time to do it myself. See you in about 5 minutes, which is 2 1/2 minutes for each visualization. Put music on that opens you up and go!


1. I do some tidying up of my apartment, definitely needs it, and I drink a good sixteen ouches of cold water with sliced lemon. YUM! I take my time to dress in a way that is comfortable and makes me feel really good and attractive. I walk to the F train to avoid Times Sq and get to Bryant Park and into work on time at my desk by 9am. Ease. I put in a solid 4 hours of work and accomplish nearly everything on my to-do list (it isn't that long) before headed out to Free Food where I'll buy my 7 Greens juice and then across the street for a brown rice avocado roll. Back to work where I will joyfully finish about another 4 hours of work the needs to be done, so I feel very accomplished by day's end. I will eat the dinner I prepared for myself at home -- fresh spinach salad, tomatoes, blueberries, pomegranate vinaigrette, a boca burger with some lite cheese and walk to acting class. Instead of berating myself for not preparing a monologue, I will show up peacefully to observe the other students putting up work tonight. I will be drinking water or seltzer not more coffee or diet coke to stay up until 10. IT's only 10, not 1am. After that, I will go home and wind down at night with some mellow music before curling up in bed for a great night's sleep feeling grateful and accomplished.

2. I take time to organize my apartment and make my work space totally inviting for my creativity. I sit down and do a few hours of writing, this morning on my play Brattleboro which I am extending from a short into a full length. At around 11 am or so I go to the gym and take a class, a dance class, and stretch my body head to toe. I come back to my apartment and prepare a delicious smoothie using my Vitamix blender. I make a phone call or two to a friend who also freelances, acts, etc., to catch up and connect. The afternoon is spent going on two auditions, one for a commercial and the other for a film. I nail them both with ease. That feels amazing. Then I let go of the result. I am ready to move again and find a short 60 minute yoga class. After yoga, I am back home and do a little bit more writing, this one for a freelance project I'm working on in the health/wellness area. Now it's time to get ready for my dinner. I'm having friends over and I'm cooking. They all come over at around 6:30pm and we eat an amazing meal together. Tons of laughter. We watch a movie together on my couch until about 11pm at which point I'm ready for sleep so everybody leaves except for my boyfriend. And his dog. Done.

:)

Pride Day Musings

I grew up in what is probably best described as a large small town, one on Long Island which is situated just in the middle of the North and South shores and on the boarder of Nassau and Suffolk county. Plainview was a very "nice place to grow up" but in the 80s and 90s was about as heterogeneous and straight as you could get. The biggest diversity element was probably the 3 strands of Judaism (Reform, Conservative, Orthodox) adequately represented along with some Italians.

On the sexuality front, to be gay, lesbian or bisexual in Plainview was an anomaly and hardly publicized information. This was before the age of "Ellen", Lady Gaga, "Will & Grace", Out Rosy O'Donnell and post Living La Vida Loca Ricky Martin. No "My Two Mommies" books or celebrations. "My Two Dads" was around, but it was about two heterosexual male friends who raise a daughter together since both were considered but neither could be effectively identified as the biological father.

Which is why when I went to Cornell a few years later and was going through bit of a rough patch (i.e. eating disorder and major depression) followed by a few changes in direction -- I quit the varsity soccer team after 2 seasons, dropped the pre-med major, started taking Women's Studies coursework, joined Cornell's Feminist Action League (protesting the school's Sexual Harassment policy with a "sit in" on the steps wrapped in duct tape was memorable), was appointed a member of the President's Advisory Committee on the Status of Women and no longer had a boyfriend, some rumors started swirling about me. Plainview, the big small town, loved some grist for the rumor mill. But none disturbed me as the one which I never saw coming and popped up once --

Is Lindsay a lesbian?

Ummm, no. But perhaps they all knew something I didn't?

This began about 5 years of questioning my sexuality. Well, I do love looking at beautiful women. Thought it was admiration and sometimes envy but maybe it's repressed sexual attraction? I'm really athletic and have a very competitive and aggressive streak in sports. Is that normal? I'm not very girly. Feminine at times, yes, but definitely not girly. Hate pink but that's so cliche. Plenty of lesbians like pink. Or not. I don't feel overwhelmingly attractive to the men I meet, let alone understood by them. I love my women's studies classes. My best friend from HS came out and I love her, what does that mean? I prefer not to wear make up but I thought that was just rebelling against my mom. My gay uncle is my hero. I am a bigger Madonna fan than I can begin to understand --

Shit, maybe I am a dyke!

All that song and dance in my head actually didn't lead to experimenting or research. Probably because I was now even more concerned with what others were thinking of me, even if I did have an inkling to experiment with a woman I was not going to, lest there be more to feed a little gossip which may not have spread beyond 5 people. I didn't know, as one can never really tell with gossip how extensive it is or isn't.

Cut to 10 years later and here I am writing this post from my favorite apartment in the history of all my apartments, yay, that happens to be in Chelsea. To those unfamiliar with New York City's Chelsea area (14th Street to the south, 30th Street to the north, the western boundary btw 6th and 7th Ave to the east and the Hudson River and West Street to the west), it is the most homo friendly gayborhood in the 5 boroughs.

After moving here 10 months ago, I realized that there is a small, teeny weeny part of my being that once again feels concerned that people think I am gay.

I thought I evolved past this already but it lingers.

I have literally imagined how I can communicate on Facebook that I am in fact straight beyond just the "Interested in" category, which I'm not sure I even filled out with "Men" thought that is what I now conclude is the truth.

The question I ask myself is why am I still afraid of being thought of as a lesbian? What is really under neath that insecurity? Is that a common fear amongst single women? I mean, it's f'n 2012.

Here I write, feeling as if I am progressive and immune to the word of others (I'm not, apparently) but still sensitive to something that I have no control over any way and is probably just in my head.

It did take a certain amount of time to really understand that while I am attracted to women for friendship, inspiration and even mothering (I have about 5 or 6 surrogates), I do not want to sleep with women. I want to sleep with men and this is very clear to me today but it wasn't when I was younger. A lot of women come into our sexual prime or peak in our 30s, hurrah.

So even though we are as a society light years ahead of where we were when I was growing up in Plainview in the 80s/90s and I consider myself incredibly accepting of LGBT community and life, with some of my deepest, closest friends in the world making up this community, there is still a lot of room for growth in myself and as a society when it comes to true acceptance. I would like to get to the point where I can really say -- and mean it, not just say it -- that I don't care if anybody thinks I am gay. That it wouldn't conjure up any images of which I am the slightest bit insecure.

I stand in solidarity with my family members and deep friends who are gay today in New York City, as it is PRIDE DAY and a time for CELEBRATION.

I also fully embrace own gender and identity, which never fell into a "cookie cutter" mold and never will. I enjoy feeling like a woman and I also enjoy feeling like a man, but since I am technically a woman and not a man then I am left to conclude our entire system of classification and nomenclature is absurd. To say the least.

I enjoy feeling sexy and powerful. I am my toughness and my vulnerability. I am my athleticism and my grace. I am my desires and my passions for love, sex, freedom, ease, inclusion, independence, and, I am realizing more and more, total acceptance of myself exactly as I am, without having to conform inauthentically or put too much energy into non-conformity, which often feels like another form of artifice. I enjoy feeling part of the LGBT community, truly, so perhaps the greatest inspiration I can take from PRIDE 2012 is to finally and officially relax and be myself, without fear of judgment...

...and, to take any judgment that may put me in a LGBT community as a fucking compliment.

Start a Fitness Routine TODAY!

Good morning! I just got back from an awesome run along the Hudson River. It's about 80 degrees and very humid, so the 70 minutes I spent outside were divided up between running, power walking, sprinting and doing other intervals. I am really upping my fitness routine now that I am pain free in my ankle and the rest of my body. NO limits.

I want to get one person (at least, but I will be happy with 1) to START (or, restart) a fitness routine. ONE PERSON out there in cyberspace and I don't care where you live (I know people read this blog in all parts of the world, I check my stats) to say I AM STARTING a FITNESS ROUTINE TODAY!

Will you be THE ONE? Here are reasons you might not want to --

-you are out of shape and feel self conscious
-you think all the fitness junkies are over-estimating the value and fun of exercise
-you don't think you have time
-you used to be a fitness rock star and now pride is standing in the way
-you have an injury of some sort and don't want to start any movement until you're healed

OK -- let's deal with those 1 x 1

-you are out of shape and feel self conscious: OK, IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT THE REALITY IS, MOST PEOPLE WORKING OUT AROUND YOU ARE FOCUSING ON THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN WORKOUT, NOT YOU. THE FEELINGS OF SELF CONSCIOUSNESS WILL START TO LIFT ONCE YOU GET INTO THE GROOVE
-you think all the fitness junkies are over-estimating the value and fun of exercise: WE AREN'T. FITNESS IS INCREDIBLE FOR YOUR BODY, MIND AND SOUL. IT IS REALY FUN AND FITNESS PEEPS ARE JUST REALLY AWESOME ALL AROUND.
-you don't think you have time: I JUST WENT JOGGING AT 6:30AM. MOST GYMS STAY OPEN UNTIL AROUND 11PM. YOU CAN DO A WORKOUT IN 30 MINUTES. YOU CAN MAKE THE TIME.
-you used to be a fitness rock star and now pride is standing in the way: OK, I KIND OF GET THIS BUT THE TRUTH IS, THE PAST IS LONG GONE AND RATHER THAN WAX NOSTALGIC AND FEEL SHITTY, WHY NOT TAKE A DEEP BREATH, LACE UP YOUR RUNNING SNEAKERS AND START LIVING IN THE MOMENT? YOU WILL FEEL BETTER, I PROMISE.
-you have an injury of some sort and don't want to start any movement until you're healed: I ALSO GET THIS ONE, BIG TIME. THE THING IS, THERE ARE SOOOO MANY FORMATS YOU CAN TRY THAT UNLESS YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCAPACITATED, THERE IS A VERY GOOD CHANCE YOU CAN GET STARTED. INJURED ANKLE? TRY PILATES. SHOULDER ISSUE? GET ON A STATIONARY BIKE.

The joy and benefits can't be overstated and I support you 100%. IF you're the ONE, let me know that you are recommitting either by commenting here or emailing me at lindspiration@gmail.com.

PLAY ON!

Best,
Lindsay

Eating Disorders in 2012

Good morning!

I recently met a young woman who quickly let me know that she is a writer who published an on-line essay about her recovery from Binge Eating. You may follow this link on "Thought Catalog" to read about her courageous journey but I want to focus here on this excerpt --

Yesterday, somebody asked me what I'd done to lose weight. "I've been in recovery from an eating disorder," I tell her, point-blank. I see the confusion. Wouldn't that imply that you've gained weight? But I look nothing like the Girl With the Eating Disorder that society has often pictured. I do not stare blankly out from under lank hair with hollow eyes. My legs aren't sticks -- far from it, mine have always been muscular, and they will always touch. I do not wear a size zero, and I never will. I don't want to anymore, either, though I admit that once upon a time, that was my main goal in life. ~Ella Ceron (Thought Catelog, June 14, 2012)

The reason this is so affecting is because it captures what we all know as a society but don't admit or say, which is, thousands of people are suffering, dealing, and contending with, succumbing to, denying or overcoming eating disorders in secret, without being known, without being seen and without being suspected. Conversely, some women who are just skinny without being eating disordered at all are "accused" by friends or family of being anorexic or bulimic, which can be very stressful for anybody who is the slightest bit influenced by outside opinion (and who isn't?).

My own journey, which I've shared about in piecemeal on this blog, has evolved going into the depths of eating disorder despair and emerging into recovery for bulimia, compulsive eating and anorexia. I have swung all over the place with respect to habits and symptoms, participated in an abundance of approaches to recovery, and consider myself out of the dark, cold, windy woods of years past even asI don't yet dance full time in the green pastures of health. I'm here most of the time and am in recovery by the grace of a higher power every day, though it still feels like more of a battle than I'd like. That said, I am emerging heroic.

I share that so you know where I'm coming from and how it lines up with my current position about eating disorders, which are, they are a function of MANY MANY things (the biological, familial, spiritual) but what perpetuates, what definitely HELPS maintain and support eating disorders is our culture. Specifically, the way we form of a picture of what an eating disordered person looks like and if someone doesn't look like that, well, good luck believing s/he is really suffering. We don't like to witness people's legitimate suffering (the tendency is to judge it) so instead we look at and pry into the lives of celebrities, embracing bullshit and putting things like Chris Brown's brawl induced boo-boo on the evening news. For 3 days in a row.

Instead, I stand for paying attention to people and taking them in fully, not because you're necessarily going to solve or fix the person's problems but because when you see someone's pain, even silently, if you feel it, pick it up, sense it, generate some compassion for the person, just be present to them fully, you are helping them heal and creating an environment where the person can thrive.

The greatest gift you can give another person is your full attention.

Ella is incredibly bold for writing about her experiences and I respect, honor and SEE her in her power to communicate from a place of truth and authenticity. The more we understand people who binge, starve, purge, overexercise, distort their body images, seek drastic measures to control food and the more we convert understanding into LOVE, the better off we will all be and the greater likelihood we will heal and progress.

I really do stand for lifting the veil and acknowledging you don't have to look like a deeply under-fed, chain smoking model to claim you have a problem and need help.

With love,
Lindsay

Letter to my Dad

To my father,

who gave me life

who drove me to Hebrew School

who came to all my soccer games, then treated me to Italian ices and pizza after every victory or defeat

had Ritz crackers and peanut butter snacks prepared for me when I got home from elementary school

To my father,

who tells me stories about playing stick ball as a child in the streets of Brooklyn

tennis on the courts of Eisenhower Park with men 20 years his junior

and that barber shop choir

To my father,

who sings Dylan with me in a convertible, top down of course

Motown's greatest hits word for word

and who took me to see Phantom of the Opera when I was young enough to have no idea how that chandelier didn't fall from the rafters

To my father,

who helped me move in and out of every apartment and sublet of my life

and there were many - time to pack the Pathfinder again!

who works harder than most

with all the reflections that lead us here

I am grateful there is still time to celebrate you

I am grateful you moved mountains

to give me this life.

I love you.

Happy Father's Day!!!!!!!!

L

Big Game Time

Good morning,

I mentioned in a previous post that I recently completed the Landmark Forum, a 3 day personal growth and transformational education workshop followed by weekly 3 hour seminars every Tuesday night. It's complementing my life and what I've learned over the years very well! One of the things I am doing now is pushing myself out of my comfort zone and into a space where it is possible for me to accomplish and achieve my dreams and so much more...

...such as being peaceful and okay with who I am. That's BIG!

Or, becoming a Knicks City Dancer, THE THING I wanted to pursue in 1995 when I graduate High School and was getting ready to head to Ithaca for pre-med studies at Cornell. Instead of heading up north for hours of chem lab, I wanted to take a year off, move to Manhattan and train to be part of the squad of dancers who rock it out for the NY KNICKS! I didn't. I went to college.

Now, I'm actually considering what would happen if I train for a year and audition. I don't think I want to join the squad per se but I do want a one-off special event! So, perhaps in time Lindspiration grows and I engage the KNICK CITY DANCERS to chat with me about their lives, what they love about their work, the joys and the challenges -- AND THEN WE DO A DANCE ROUTINE TOGETHER!

That I LIKE.

In the nearer term, as mentioned in previous posts, I am producing my short play, Brattleboro, for the Strawberry One Acts Festival. I am extending said short play at ESPA's 'The First Draft' course, which started last night. I left my first class last night feeling like I was floating, until I stepped into the humid, thick city air at which point I had far less lift. That's ok.

The game gets bigger when I take actions to line myself up for agent representation as an actress (after 12 years it's time) and deepen my work as an exec assistant to the head of a cable channel, a job which requires fierce focus and mindfulness every single day.

Equally important is this process of opening my eyes to my own emotions and feeling states like resentment, jealousy, disillusionment, resentment, resignation, cynicism, and judgment of myself and others. For years, I've learned that if I don't really look at these states and just jump ahead to seeking positivity or creation, the result is nil. As they said in Landmark, it's a lot like spreading frosting on a pile of pooh. I'm paraphrasing but that's close. Icing on kaka! I used to say in intenSati class you don't want to feel like you're shellacking a cracked wall by ignoring what's underneath. It takes strength to investigate, look at, deal with, address, make friends with, be at peace with...the cracks. Then, you're not painting to hide or mask anything. You're just painting to paint.

When I think about what scares me about playing a big game -- and this absolutely includes the big game of marriage and kids -- it's the fear of being ill equipped to handle the responsibilities and fulfill the expectations of myself and others. It's been an ongoing concern of mine my whole life that I can't do what I'm being asked to do or what I want to do. Even when I prove my inner voice of doubt wrong by accumulating evidence of success after success, there are lingering doubts.

So, I push through those itty bitty shitty messages that have the potential to STOP me. I've learned they are not truthful and who wants to believe a liar, right?

Love,
Lindsay

intenSatisfied!!

Hi, good morning! I had the deep, sweaty, inspired pleasure of attending one of Patricia Moreno's signature "Work it Out" intenSati events last night and WOW was I reminded at the power of the collective, the joy of intenSati and the brilliance of Patricia Moreno.

Patricia is a fitness industry veteran (she's been teaching for 30 years and has achieved extraordinary, international success) who created the intenSati practice, a workout that combines moves from dance, aerobics, kickboxing and yoga with positive affirmations. I talk about it a lot on this blog because I teach at Equinox, Central Park and at various workshops/special events.

From where I stand (and last night I was standing in front of the class as one of the co-leaders, that was awesome) there is nothing quite like intenSati when it comes to breaking through negative thought patterns and teaching yourself NEW ones by way of fun, liberating, challenging movement that you're doing while affirming positive, encouraging thoughts at the top of your elasticized lungs.

When there are a few hundred people doing it at once, it feels like you're inside a stadium for a sports event or dancing on the floor of a J Lo video. This is not a light workout or you can bet that this soccer player would've walked away years ago. It's rigorous and whether you do a modified version or full expressions of each move (a level 10 would include high impact jumps), you WILL see a big change in your body, health and wellness.

For me, considering how much I work out, you would think I'd look like a fitness model of some sort but I don't. The reason is because I still eat certain foods in certain amounts on certain stressful occasions that set me back about 5 pounds from my goal. MORE THAN EVER I am committed to relinquishing ALL my habits that don't serve me, one day at a time . I want to be able to see the strong core that I DO have that is not exactly visible because of some extra body fat. Yes, I said it. BODY FAT. No judgments, I am not criticizing myself. I am learning to love myself AS IS while I make changes to slim down.

There are many, many ways to lose weight and you know I don't advise any of them, bc I am not a nutritionist or doctor. I only share what works for me and as I blogged yesterday, so much of what I perceive as a battle with the bulge is really a battle to stay present to discomfort as opposed to reaching out to a comforting food to take the edge off. It's also about pleasure, since when you've spent years getting pleasure from food it becomes necessary to retrain yourself to get pleasure from different foods and non food related activities that float your boat.

Patricia shared a lot about beauty last night and how powerful it feels to LOVE YOUR BODY exactly as it is, reach a stage where you can look in a mirror and see, feel, embrace and acknowledge your inner and outer radiance. I know I'm not alone in saying that can be a big challenge at times. Women, in particular, are up against some big mountains when it comes to beauty norms and ideals, so as one of my affirmations this month declares, "I am able to move mountains!!", I would say YES, moving a mountain of negativity or judgment is a great, great idea.

I'm off for a quickie run now. Nothing heavy because last night really packed a punch and I don't like to go too heavy within 24 hours. For today, I am bringing into the world some of the deep joy I felt last night when I pushed myself to the max and felt incredibly inspired by Patricia, my fellow intenSati leaders and the students I have grown to love. That's a good place to be and I am grateful.

Have a beautiful day! L

Why We Repeat, Repeat, Repeat Behavior

Good morning!

I will start this post with the oft heard quote -- was it really Einstein? an alcoholic in a 12 step meeting? -- that defines insanity as:

Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.

Much has been written and documented about human beings and our tendency to repeat behaviors with "negative" consequences, or, those which diminish health, happiness, well-being and peace.

Many people spend time trying to answer the Why. "WHY on earth did I do THAT...AGAIN?" while others step in to say something along the lines of "Don't ask why! Do you want to stop? If you want to stop NOW, stop analyzing!"

Personally, I've been on both sides. I've done my fair share of repetition (and I'm not talking a Meisner exercise at the moment, at the moment, at the moment) and I've sought equal amounts of techniques and tools to STOP doing the behavior. I've also analyzed the heck out of myself to find the WHY since curiosity will never kill this cat and I figured if WHY can inspire positive behavior (see Simon Sinek's book Start with Why) then why can't it stop behavior contributing to my suffering?

Recently, I did the Landmark Forum, a 3-day seminar, workshop, class of sorts that has a reputation as one of the leading programs in the world for personal transformation. It also has the reputation of being a cult (see its routes in the EST program of the 1970s), impossibly intrusive when it comes to marketing to your friends/family and short on its long-term benefits. Taking the Forum is like doing a 12 step program personal inventory on steroids (Where have you been self seeking, selfish, dishonest? How has your behavior affected others?). It is personal responsibility to the MAX and looking at where you keep integrity or lack it by way of being authentic or inauthentic, keeping your word or breaking your word, living in resentments or letting go, expressing yourself powerfully or diminishing your light. This "work" is done in a space with 100+ people you get up and share in front of a microphone, if you choose. It's bizarre and very challenging. I do think it's effective, though, and I'm currently in a 10 week class of weekly 3-hour seminars to carry the Forum to completion.

What I've discovered is that FEAR is mainly a hypothetical until you become aware of it in your body and that most of us do so much to bury our FEAR, deny we have it, run from it and ultimately, FEAR it. FDR's saying, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself..." might have been a self fulfilling prophesy for our society. Perhaps it's a learned behavior, this FEARING of the FEAR. I recognize how the fear of my fear has lead me to do what feels SAFE, no matter what the consequence.

Simply, the desire to feel safe is a natural reaction to being afraid of being afraid.

The antidote, then, is what? Well, it's presence, for starters. It is living in and allowing the feeling of FEAR instead of REACTING to fear with more FEAR and behaviors that make you feel safe, even if they create more suffering. "Sit with it" or "Be with it" might be the wisest three words someone can say to you.

Have you ever seen a little child become very afraid of something, it could be a large dog barking or a cartoon character at Disneyland, have something of a fit and then at the end, just have this urgent, compelling need to be comforted and then say I LOVE YOU to mom or dad? I don't have kids or a degree in Child Psych but I've seen this phenomenon more than once and it is amazing.

As adults, you reach the point when comforting with security habits* creates so much suffering, you can't help but see the insanity of the whole operation. You can't help but see that the repetition of the behavior, no matter how many times it's done, is not the proper antidote to fear. So, you thank it for its usefulness and you let it go, preferring instead to stand in the feeling you're about to have a tantrum, not unlike a 3 year old, because you are that afraid of your fear.

Security habits look like this --

1.overeating
2. undereating
3. excessive exercise (particularly when sick, injured or exhausted)
4. seeking control in relationships by giving mixed messages to your partner, companion or friend
5. settling for less than fulfilling relationships because some aspect of it is the comforter (not the bedding, I mean the comforting element) whether it's the sex, the friendship, the way you appear to others, etc., or all the above

What helps is finding space, peaceful self acceptance, love and understanding that the FEAR won't harm you, freeze you forever, kill your mojo, or take you over for the rest of your whole life.

"Letting go" of fear seems to be a direct result of acclimating oneself to it and allowing it to be in your body without fighting it over and over again. It is a result more than an action. A result of stopping the security habit and being present to the tiers of fear underneath.

Peace,
Lindsay

June is ON

Good morning! June is ON. Here we go --

1. I wrote the first 12 pages of my second short play, BRATTLEBORO, which I know will eventually be a full length play then a movie. I am taking ESPA's Primary Stages The First Draft course (starts in a week) to extend this baby. In the meantime, the short version got into the Strawberry Festival of One Acts. So, I'm producing it for this festival and acting in the lead role myself. We go up August 5th at 3PM at the Theater for St. Clements in NYC. Save the date!

2. The Central Park intenSati class I teach, which I began 3 1/2 years ago, has blossomed into a beautiful community of Sati and park lovers. Most recently, Well & Good NYC, the wonderful, hot local guide to health, fitness and beauty trends in NYC, chose CPI for its Healthy Summer Guide to NYC. Then, the local TV station NY-1 decided to do a story on said guide, including my class. The result? A beautiful little segment you can view online here that is one of, if not the most shared story NY1.com has ever published. I guess New Yorkers want their outdoor summer fitness and intenSati!! Very fun.

3. The new series I wrote for June feels like the most powerful one I've ever taught and it could be because of how I'm feeling in my life, but I think it's also just a very strong series. I hope you join me in the park at 10AM on Saturday mornings or at EQUINOX Columbus Circle at 8:15AM on Saturday mornings.

I am calling in success (PLAY FULL OUT/SUCCESS)
I am free of any doubt (FREE)
When faced with a new test (CONVICTION)
I let my passion out (PASSION)
I can have what I want (DESIRE)
I am allowing it in (ALLOW)
I am only here to seek (INSPIRE)
My own great opinion (GREAT)
I am ready to move up (READY)
I am willing to move on (WILLING)
I am able to move mountains (ABLE)
Right now! (NOW)
I create a happy life (HAPPY)
with exciting possibilities (EXCITED)
I am lovely and amazing (LOVE)
I am owning my abilities (STRENGTH)
Peace, peace (WARRIOR pose)
Peace, peace (COMPASSION)
It comes when I release (SURRENDER)
peace, peace (WARRIOR pose)
peace, peace (COMPASSION)
It comes when I believe (BELIEVE)

Come practice these affirmations with me in class and personalize them for YOU. Wherever you are at on your journey, the time to be present, happy, in love and expressing all your passion is now. I support you in class and out in life!!

4. Patricia Moreno, the creator of intenSati, leads monthly "Work it Out" intenSati events which are available to you! The next one is happening this Wed., June 6th and for the first time in months I don't have a scheduling conflict, huzzah, so I will be attending. COME by registering here on the Sati Life website! Deets:

Date: Wednesday, June 6th
Location: Fitography Studio, 550 Broadway, 3rd Flr (bet. Prince & Spring)*
Time: 6:30 – 8:30PM (check-in begins at 6:30PM event starts at 6:45PM)
Cost: $35.00

Finally, I want to say THANK YOU because what's become very clear to me over the last month and into these first two days of June is that I am surrounded by love. I have loving friends, loving family, loving colleagues, loving Lindspiration readers, loving people in my neighborhood (yeah, Grey Dog barristers, I'm talking to you) and an incredible amount of support, power, and presence that helps me bounce out of bed every morning and play full out in the world. I take responsibility for co-creating this because I've done a lot of work on myself to get to the point where I can ask for what I want, allow it in, be present to the love and goodness in my life and be able to share it with others.

I feel like I'm just getting started and that big, amazing, dreams are coming true for me, as they continue to come true for the most important and special people in my life. I am just so grateful.

Happy Sunday, lovely and amazing YOU!

Peace,
Lindsay